Jimmy Fucking Carter
TUESDAY JULY 22 2008 6:00 AM
Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.
TAGS: Gas crisis, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan
Now that we are in the middle of an energy disaster brought on by years of idiotic energy policy that were begun under the Grand Retard, Ronald Reagan, let’s take a look at what Jimmy Carter wanted to do. We didn’t do much of it, because Carter told Americans the truth and we cried like fucking babies and continued to shit our pants. If we had listened to Carter, we’d be toilet trained by now. Instead, we are living in the most horribly shit-in diapers of all time. And it’s pretty much all the fault of the right wing.
Carter delivered an energy speech on July 15, 1979. At the time, things were not looking good. The U.S. was being hit by record high energy prices, severe energy shortages, and a recession. (Sound familiar?) People were pissed at Carter, causing his approval ratings to plummet to Bush-like depths. Imagine that. A president as unpopular as Bush. So, Carter gave a speech, during which he asked the American people to adapt to the energy crisis, its limits and to change our ways.
Carter said, "Human identity is no longer defined by what one does but by what one owns." He was right, of course. But Carter didn’t have the ability to convince his fellow lawmakers to make the tough choices. He was labeled a “pessimist.” Naturally, for every pessimist, there is an optimist. In this case, it was Ronald Reagan. Reagan blew hot wind up America’s ass and we went right back to our destructive ways. Reagan was a pretty fucking stupid human being. As matter of fact, he was shockingly stupid. Had we listened to Carter and accepted a bit of personal responsibility, we might not be driving rapidly toward a cliff today.
The problems Carter identified in his speech were our dependence on oil and the connection among consumption, energy use, and environmental change. Sound familiar?
Here are some highlights from Jimmy Carter’s “Crisis of Confidence” Speech.
CARTER: Point one: I am tonight setting a clear goal for the energy policy of the United States. Beginning this moment, this nation will never use more foreign oil than we did in 1977 -- never...
And no. Not only will we, but we’ll use more and more and more. Jimmy didn’t really foresee the right wing jerk off transportation vessel called The Hummer and the murder of alternative energy.
Point two: To ensure that we meet these targets, I will use my presidential authority to set import quotas...
Good luck with that.
Point three: To give us energy security, I am asking for the most massive peacetime commitment of funds and resources in our nation's history to develop America's own alternative sources of fuel...
I will soon submit legislation to Congress calling for the creation of this nation's first solar bank, which will help us achieve the crucial goal of 20 percent of our energy coming from solar power by the year 2000.
These efforts will cost money, a lot of money, and that is why Congress must enact the windfall profits tax without delay...
Could you imagine if we had the intelligence to follow through with this? Twenty-percent solar? We’d be a tad better off. Carter was saying we needed the largest “peacetime commitment of funds” because our path would obviously lead to wars. And it has. And it will lead to more, and eventually a world war.
Point four: I'm asking Congress to mandate, to require as a matter of law, that our nation's utility companies cut their massive use of oil by 50 percent within the next decade and switch to other fuels, especially coal, our most abundant energy source...
Uh. Okay. Not so great. Coal’s a bit of a bummer. But it is preferable to being controlled by OPEC and having to take over countries like Iraq and Afghanistan in order to keep our gluttonous habits going. Carter was actually successful with this one. He reduced the percentage of oil used in our electricity production from 20% to 3%. He also expanded the Clean Air Act to combat the effects of coal power generation.
Point five: To make absolutely certain that nothing stands in the way of achieving these goals, I will urge Congress to create an energy mobilization board which, like the War Production Board in World War II, will have the responsibility and authority to cut through the red tape, the delays, and the endless roadblocks to completing key energy projects.
We will protect our environment. But when this Nation critically needs a refinery or a pipeline, we will build it.
Anyone want to guess when the last refinery was built in the U.S.? Try 32 years. That's the free market kicking ass and taking numbers. Although, South Dakota is now threatening to build one. That would be 1 in 32 years.
Point six: I'm proposing a bold conservation program to involve every state, county, and city and every average American in our energy battle. This effort will permit you to build conservation into your homes and your lives at a cost you can afford.
No fucking shit. This is the point where I want to dig up guys like Reagan, just to shit on their head. Personal fucking responsibility is the great enemy of right-wingers. Reagan killed all the tax credits that would have allowed people to "build conservation into their homes."
To further conserve energy, I'm proposing tonight an extra $10 billion over the next decade to strengthen our public transportation systems...
Whoa! Public transportation! Now close your eyes and imagine every city with a working subway system, or rail line. Mmmm. Carter. Jimmy also pushed for fuel economy standards in cars to reduce oil consumption. Republicans fought back. And they created tax rebates for giant SUVs and Hummers.
Our nation must be fair to the poorest among us, so we will increase aid to needy Americans to cope with rising energy prices. We often think of conservation only in terms of sacrifice. In fact, it is the most painless and immediate way of rebuilding our nation's strength. Every gallon of oil each one of us saves is a new form of production. It gives us more freedom, more confidence, that much more control over our own lives...
No shit. But that’s not the Republican way. The Republican way is to get more money into the pockets of oil companies. Every step outlined above takes money away from the oil boys. So, when Reagan took over, he slowly eliminated anything that would have led us away from a path of energy independence.
Instead of confronting the problem head on, Reagan chose to mock Carter. He went after the president, claiming he blamed the American people for the energy crisis – because Carter had the gall to ask Americans to sacrifice and conserve. It was, quite simply, a moron vs. a thinking man.
[President Carter] has blamed the people for inflation, OPEC, he has blamed the Federal Reserve system, he has blamed the lack of productivity of the American people, he has then accused the people of living too well and that we must share in scarcity, we must sacrifice and get used to doing with less.
I'm not so sure that it means steadily higher fuel costs, but I do believe that this nation has been portrayed for too long a time to the people as being energy-poor when it is energy-rich. . . I just happen to believe that free enterprise can do a better job of producing the things that people need than government can.
And that has been the right wing stance ever since. Conservatives have no ability to comprehend complex answers to the energy challenges we face. It’s like trying to talk to a cat about math. So, when you hear a Republican telling us how we should drill off the coast of our country, please urinate on their face. Because drilling was their answer to the crisis in the '70s and we did it. It has not helped. No one should ever listen to a Republican when it comes to energy. There is only one answer: Invest in alternative energy now.
If a right wing asshole attempts to open his pork rind hole, tell him the story of the solar panels on the White House. Jimmy Carter had them installed during his presidency. Reagan then had them torn down. He also killed off tax cuts for solar power and gutted our solar research program. How’d that work out? Oh, I can tell you. Two of the solar researchers he fired went on the win Nobel prizes – in other fields. Because he was a Class A fucking idiot.
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do."
- Ronald “retard” Reagan, 1981.
FearTheReaper is a writer, comic and actor. You may read more of his naughtiness on his blog, Stop All Monsters.

















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