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  • SATURDAY JULY 19 2008 6:00 AM

Asshole Fuckface Roundup #55

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Republicans, Gas Crisis, South Carolina, Dubai,

Wow. Here we are. Who knew we would make it another week and enjoy the horrors of the Asshole Fuckface Roundup together? Sadly, I had much to choose from this week. Some of the Fuckfaces only received a second place nod on my blog. I gathered the rest together so that your eyes may feast on the depths of mankind. And here they are. I’ve scoured the news for the worst people on Earth, so that you may feel better about yourself by looking down on them. So, put on a giant plastic lampshade because this is going to be horrible.

First up, Dubai shows us their Asshole Fuckface skills.

Dubai has gotten a bit of a reputation as a place where the rich go to play. That is all well and good, as long as they aren’t gay. This week Dubai “cracked down” on gay people.


Police in the Gulf tourist hub of Dubai say they've detained 17 foreign men for allegedly being gay and wearing women's clothing in malls and other public places.


Thank God you Asshole Fuckfaces cracked down on the terrible crime of men wearing women’s clothing, while you walk around in white moo moos. A Dubai paper claimed 40 were arrested. Nobody can explain the difference in the numbers.


The paper quotes Dubai's police chief as saying the arrests are part of a campaign against "transvestites."

Despite Dubai's Western outlook, homosexuality is illegal in the Muslim city-state.


Right. That and they arrest people for having less than a grain of salt worth of pot on the sole of their shoe. Here’s a tip: Don’t visit Dubai. Ever.

Next up, our gay hating Asshole Fuckfaces.

South Carolina doesn’t like being called gay. Not at all. A lot of Asshole Fuckfaces in the state are upset with a London Tube ad that claims, "South Carolina is so gay."



The ad was created by a London gay tour operator to encourage tourism to “gay-friendly” areas. I guess that didn’t work out so well.

Republican State Senator David Thomas lost his straight shit.


"South Carolinians will be irate when they learn their hard-earned tax dollars are being spent to advertise our state as 'so gay.'"


Right. And it will cause gay confusion.


They'll get off the plane and say, 'Where are the gay beaches?' and no one will know what they are talking about.


Dude, beaches don’t have a sexual preference. Just a tip. Also, you are a horribly uptight, straight man who is scared of gay people. How much do you want to bet there are “gay beaches” all over the place and no one told you?


Andrew Roberts, CEO of Amro Worldwide, visited South Carolina after the state's tourism board expressed interest in the campaign, and says he toured several gay venues, including largely gay sections of mainstream beaches, in Charleston, Hilton Head Island and Myrtle Beach. "A few people in South Carolina need to wake up to what's going on in their state," he says. "There are more gay bars along that coastal strip than there are in Vegas."


Uh oh. Them’s fightin’ words. Did you just call my beach “gay?” Huh? I’ll kick your ass.

The posters also advertised the gay-friendly cities Atlanta, Boston, Las Vegas, New Orleans and Washington, D.C. No one gave a shit in those cities. But South Carolina refused to pay the $5,000 advertising fee, asked that the posters be removed, and a state employee was forced to resign. Good work.

Next up, an Asshole Fuckface needs to stop the party.

Meet Robert Hood, of Caldwell, Texas. He’s 44-years-old and he is just getting the party started. Holy shit is he getting the party started.

Hood was arrested for a DUI on Sunday in Omaha, Nebraska, July 4 in Mitchell, South Dakota, July 7 in Deadwood, South Dakota, and on July 8 in Platte County, Wyoming. I am very impressed by anyone who is arrested two days in a row in two different states for DUI. It’s time for Bobby to get a bumper sticker that says, “Can’t Stop The Party.”

Ready for the good news?


Robert Hood, of Caldwell, Texas, was released after posting $200, or 10 percent of the $2,000 bail, Otoe County Jail officials said.


The system works! Seriously, though, a real life Ronnie Dobbs is out there, people. Stay low.

Next up, some Asshole Fuckface parents have no boundaries.

Stephanie Martinez was working as a clerk at Pizza Patron in Denton, Texas last weekend. Suddenly, a robber burst in, wearing a wig and sunglasses and said, “Give me the money!” Stephanie began emptying out her register, when the other clerk went Charles Bronson on his ass.


And then [the other clerk] hit him and knocked him out and knocked off his wig and I dropped the money. I said, ‘Don’t hit him again! That’s my dad!’


Uh. I’m sorry, what did you say? Turns out the entire family is chock full O’ Asshole Fuckfaces. The wife was also arrested. Oh, and Stephanie sort of knew what was going on.


Sgt. James Brett said Martinez's husband told them she didn't know about the robbery. He said she knew they were going to rob someplace but she thought it was going to be a convenience store.


Oh, that’s cool. Seriously, no worries. As long as she didn’t know it was specifically going to be the pizza place she works at, we’re cool. She sounds like a great woman and nothing like her father.


Martinez said she is concerned her mother may be deported.


I’m not.

Stephanie isn’t very close with her father, mostly because of the jail thing.


Martinez called her father a career criminal and said she has written him off.

"He's always been in jail. It's the same thing to me," she said.


Really? Well, he just tried to reach out to you; maybe you should give him a chance. Stephanie’s mom, dad and husband were all arrested. Stephanie is free to breed and keep this genetic marvel going.

And, finally, the many Asshole Fuckfaces of the Republican Party.

You know you have taken the wrong position when you have to blatantly lie to get people on your side. The current ridiculous talking point of the right wing is that “not a drop of oil was spilled” during Hurricane Katrina.



It’s obviously a talking point, because they are all saying the exact same line. All of the Asshole Fuckfaces were allowed to repeat a lie on a major news channel without a reporter questioning the validity of their statement. They appeared on CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox Business Network, Fox News, and MSNBC.

Here’s the truth, and I included a pretty picture.



Due to hurricanes Katrina and Rita, there were 124 offshore oil spills that released a total of 743,700 gallons of oil. The largest single spill was 152,250 gallons, which is considered to be a “major spill.” Onshore, there were 595 oil spills. Altogether, 9 million gallons were spilled. Just to compare, the Exxon Valdez spilled 10.8 million gallons.


The quantity and cumulative magnitude of the 595 spills, which were spread across four states and struck offshore and inland, rank these two hurricanes among the worst environmental disasters in U.S. history. Some have even compared the total amount of oil released — estimated at 9 million gallons — to the tragedy of Exxon Valdez.


Nine million gallons or not a drop. Easy mistake to make. Finally, yesterday, one of the only decent journalists in America (who Hillary Clinton tried to get fired) questioned the bullshit talking point.



Jesus. She just lied again to cover for her lie. Spills and seeps cannot be compared.


The key difference has to do with release rates and spatial concentration of the oil. Seeps release large amounts of oil over large areas of the ocean gradually throughout the year. Spills release large amounts of oil from a point source in a short time.



This is going to be a long summer of Asshole Fuckfacery.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You each win a FearTheReaper leather helmet.

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Rude_Ruca

Rude_Ruca

I'm lost
December 2004

JUL 19, 2008 10:00 PM

felony187 said: There's this young kid named Matthew Sheppard killed because he was GAY. Not state sponsored or anything okay like that. But there are plenty of fucks like the state senator from SC and those fucks from the kansas church who proclaim that god hates fags, and that's why troops are dying in Iraq.They would be okay with the execution of homosexuals.
And not to long ago in the good old usofa , homosexuals where harassed and arrested for simply being GAY. And the same goes for people of color.
so dubai is only forty or so years behind us.




Weak. In our modern society, when there is a law that is enforced that is not only based off of the "teachings" of a [false] prophet, but that specifically targets the gay and lesbian communities of the US with our local and state police forces at the front lines, THEN you can draw a comparison. Until then, this is a WEAK argument (NOT to take away from the significance of the events you cited above, of course)...Again, no surprise here that we are talking about a MUSLIM CITY-STATE. somebody will get this someday...

NarcissistZero

NarcissistZero

Philadelphia, PA
December 2005

JUL 19, 2008 10:01 PM

felony187 said:

malkav11 said:

felony187 said:
Yeah those gay hating Muslim Countries, they suck almost as much as those Gay hating christian states, like South Carolina.



Not that I agree with Rude_Ruca about much of anything, but there's a teensy tiny difference between South Carolina's level of bigotry, and countries where being gay is a legally enforced crime punishable by death.



There's this young kid named Matthew Sheppard killed because he was GAY. Not state sponsored or anything okay like that. But there are plenty of fucks like the state senator from SC and those fucks from the kansas church who proclaim that god hates fags, and that's why troops are dying in Iraq.They would be okay with the execution of homosexuals.
And not to long ago in the good old usofa , homosexuals where harassed and arrested for simply being GAY. And the same goes for people of color.
so dubai is only forty or so years behind us.



And thank God you live in this country, where those people are rare and ostricized by the media and country at large, and prosocuted if caught acting out their hate.

You could instead be living in a middle eastern country where those people are the norm and celebrated.

felony187

felony187

Denver, CO
June 2007

JUL 19, 2008 10:22 PM

Rude_Ruca said:

felony187 said: There's this young kid named Matthew Sheppard killed because he was GAY. Not state sponsored or anything okay like that. But there are plenty of fucks like the state senator from SC and those fucks from the kansas church who proclaim that god hates fags, and that's why troops are dying in Iraq.They would be okay with the execution of homosexuals.
And not to long ago in the good old usofa , homosexuals where harassed and arrested for simply being GAY. And the same goes for people of color.
so dubai is only forty or so years behind us.




Weak. In our modern society, when there is a law that is enforced that is not only based off of the "teachings" of a [false] prophet, but that specifically targets the gay and lesbian communities of the US with our local and state police forces at the front lines, THEN you can draw a comparison. Until then, this is a WEAK argument (NOT to take away from the significance of the events you cited above, of course)...Again, no surprise here that we are talking about a MUSLIM CITY-STATE. somebody will get this someday...



So if it's Islamic and your christian then the prophet is false. So your prophet is false because someone else is Jewish. Now your claims are just pathetic.
And isn't this the city state that Haliburton is moving the Company headquarters too. To avoid paying taxes.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

JUL 20, 2008 02:43 AM

Rude_Ruca said:

felony187 said: There's this young kid named Matthew Sheppard killed because he was GAY. Not state sponsored or anything okay like that. But there are plenty of fucks like the state senator from SC and those fucks from the kansas church who proclaim that god hates fags, and that's why troops are dying in Iraq.They would be okay with the execution of homosexuals.
And not to long ago in the good old usofa , homosexuals where harassed and arrested for simply being GAY. And the same goes for people of color.
so dubai is only forty or so years behind us.




Weak. In our modern society, when there is a law that is enforced that is not only based off of the "teachings" of a [false] prophet, but that specifically targets the gay and lesbian communities of the US with our local and state police forces at the front lines, THEN you can draw a comparison. Until then, this is a WEAK argument (NOT to take away from the significance of the events you cited above, of course)...Again, no surprise here that we are talking about a MUSLIM CITY-STATE. somebody will get this someday...


Verbally assaulting the second largest religion in the world is not a way to be taken seriously.

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

JUL 20, 2008 02:43 AM

Rude_Ruca said:
... when there is a law that is enforced that is not only based off of the "teachings" of a [false] prophet...


A little advice: for so long as you insist on prefacing all of your ignorant posts about Islam with petulant foot-stamping about how "false" the Muslim prophet is, nobody with a brain is going to take anything you say on the subject even remotely seriously.

Rude_Ruca said:
Again, no surprise here that we are talking about a MUSLIM CITY-STATE. somebody will get this someday...


And maybe someday you'll "get" that Dubai is not a city-state, Muslim or otherwise.

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

JUL 20, 2008 02:47 AM

mingol said:
... nobody with a brain is going to take anything you say on the subject even remotely seriously.


gdarklighter said:
Verbally assaulting the second largest religion in the world is not a way to be taken seriously.


Dude. Stop reading my mind.

Rude_Ruca

Rude_Ruca

I'm lost
December 2004

JUL 20, 2008 08:09 AM

I find it amusing that the Islam sympathizers completely avoid the topic at hand, the fact that the government of Dubai is instructing it's law enforcement to arrest transvestites and any gay man that may be suspicious of participating in this lifestyle based, in fact, off of religious text, and would rather correct me on my criticism of "the second largest religion in the world". Give me a fucking break. It turns into an all out circle jerk of insults around here when a news article even relatively negative is inked to the Catholics or evangelicals. Furthermore, and again, instead of correcting me, why don't we sound off on how this is a violation of civil rights, human rights. My main point, anyway, was that they don't seem to be very loving, peaceful, or understanding when they want to be selective and enforce this kind of nonsense. If anything, be disgusted with that, for crying out loud.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

JUL 20, 2008 08:45 AM

Rude_Ruca said:
I find it amusing that the Islam sympathizers completely avoid the topic at hand, the fact that the government of Dubai is instructing it's law enforcement to arrest transvestites and any gay man that may be suspicious of participating in this lifestyle based, in fact, off of religious text, and would rather correct me on my criticism of "the second largest religion in the world".


Getting rid of hate speech in communties I frequent is way more important to me than talking about a country that has no desire to change. Besides, I've got gay rights issues to focus on close to home (No on 8, people).

Give me a fucking break.


Not until you give me a reason to.

It turns into an all out circle jerk of insults around here when a news article even relatively negative is inked to the Catholics or evangelicals.


And "they did it first" is not a reason.

Furthermore, and again, instead of correcting me, why don't we sound off on how this is a violation of civil rights, human rights.


Because we all know what they did is wrong, and sounding off on human rights in the UAE on a porn site is a waste of time, perhaps?

My main point, anyway, was that they don't seem to be very loving, peaceful, or understanding when they want to be selective and enforce this kind of nonsense.


What kind of point is that in the first place, and what proof do you have that they're selectively enforcing these laws?

If anything, be disgusted with that, for crying out loud.


I am. That does not preclude me from being disgusted with you.

Varuka_Salt

Varuka_Salt

I'm lost
October 2006

JUL 20, 2008 09:48 AM



I find it amusing that the Islam sympathizers completely avoid the topic at hand


I find it amusing that some christians always think it's all about them.
Some of us don't think islam is more or less valid than christianity, or any other religion. Some of us think they are all the same. Crazy, huh?

JekyllAndHyde

JekyllAndHyde

Baltimore, MD
April 2005

JUL 20, 2008 10:06 AM

Rude-Ruca, people like you are why I'm often hesitant to call myself a Christian. I believe in God and all, but I refuse to associate myself with anyone who thinks they have the authority to deem the focus of another major religion a false prophet.

Please, stop; you're making all of us who actually do their best (and sometimes fail, but do their best nonetheless) to follow the Word of the Bible in practice, not just in words, look bad.

Rude_Ruca

Rude_Ruca

I'm lost
December 2004

JUL 20, 2008 02:28 PM

First of all, I won't stop. I carry these opinions, first and foremost, for the sake of defending western civilization and thought as we know it today. It worries me, especially the Obamabots, who are in fact also beneficiaries of western civilization who do not get offended at news like this, but rather with a person like me who is pretty much calling it like I see it. Remember those two fellows in Pakistan who were hanged in public for being gay? Remember that? Yeah, this is not about ONE country who does not want to change, it is about an entire ideology and the eminent threat that it poses on the free world as we know it. So, sit back, don't give a shit and hug another fucking tree (2008 translation: buy a fucking eco-friendly vehicle), but do not say that the vast minority that ALSO shares my opinion did not warn you elitist folks of the threat that is soon to be imposed on us.

Furthermore, JekylandHyde, I refuse to believe that God, the Judeo-Christian God, NOT allah, intended for his people to be comprised of apathetic, reluctant people who insisted on being apologists for their freedom and land at every fucking turn. By the way, since we are on the topic of God, Christians, and Muslims, and since you CLAIM to be a Christian, what are your thoughts on how Allah was revealed to Muhammad? Seriously, did you know that even though he claims he received the message of the one true faith, Islam, via the angel Gabriel, did you know that he FIRST interpreted the experience as that of a demonic attack? Yeah, I know, I know, something that is only discussed in small circles, a minor, insignificant fact, right? Jesus wanted us to turn the other cheek, love our enemies, but he wanted us to NOT be foolish and to be aware of our enemies as well. There are ways to push back against this ideology WITHOUT inciting violence. Sharia Law is NOT a democracy and it will ruin everything that if you don't value now, will when you find the fight is finally on OUR soil...

Rude_Ruca

Rude_Ruca

I'm lost
December 2004

JUL 20, 2008 02:37 PM

JekyllAndHyde said:
Rude-Ruca, people like you are why I'm often hesitant to call myself a Christian. I believe in God and all, but I refuse to associate myself with anyone who thinks they have the authority to deem the focus of another major religion a false prophet.

Please, stop; you're making all of us who actually do their best (and sometimes fail, but do their best nonetheless) to follow the Word of the Bible in practice, not just in words, look bad.



Also, hate to break it to ya, but if you ARE a Christian, perhaps you should try not being so.... lukewarm. Your faith and association with that faith, if true and strong, should NEVER waver because of the way you perceive someone else's actions to be. I am sorry that you haven't figured that out for yourself, yet, though. Hey, don't cha think it irks me that so many apologists and people who continue to live in the denial that Islam is a religion of peace and love ALSO consider themselves Christians? It surely doesn't deter my beliefs or affiliations, my friend...

joker_

joker_

Minneapolis, MN
October 2005

JUL 20, 2008 02:41 PM

Rude_Ruca said:

JekyllAndHyde said:
Rude-Ruca, people like you are why I'm often hesitant to call myself a Christian. I believe in God and all, but I refuse to associate myself with anyone who thinks they have the authority to deem the focus of another major religion a false prophet.

Please, stop; you're making all of us who actually do their best (and sometimes fail, but do their best nonetheless) to follow the Word of the Bible in practice, not just in words, look bad.



Also, hate to break it to ya, but if you ARE a Christian, perhaps you should try not being so.... lukewarm. Your faith and association with that faith, if true and strong, should NEVER waver because of the way you perceive someone else's actions to be. I am sorry that you haven't figured that out for yourself, yet, though. Hey, don't cha think it irks me that so many apologists and people who continue to live in the denial that Islam is a religion of peace and love ALSO consider themselves Christians? It surely doesn't deter my beliefs or affiliations, my friend...



Did you skip the entire fucking new testament? Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek? Respect, tolerance and acceptance?
Ever heard of that shit? If you're a Christian, why don't you start acting like one instead of a belligerent paranoid wanna be.

Rude_Ruca

Rude_Ruca

I'm lost
December 2004

JUL 20, 2008 02:53 PM

haha...a wannabe...and who exactly am I trying to be? I'd LOVE to be enlightened on that....this response is truly comical. Is that why you've chosen "Joker" as your alias?

joker_

joker_

Minneapolis, MN
October 2005

JUL 20, 2008 02:54 PM

Rude_Ruca said:
haha...a wannabe...and who exactly am I trying to be? I'd LOVE to be enlightened on that....this response is truly comical. Is that why you've chosen "Joker" as your alias?



So, you're an atheist then?

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