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The Green Clown Party

TUESDAY JULY 15 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

TAGS: Cynthia McKinney, Ralph Nader, Green Party

The Green Party had a nice little run, but they have clearly turned into the joke they were always destined to be. The Green Party began in 1991 and was based on the Germany Green Party. The Greens stand for �environmentalism, non-hierarchical participatory democracy, social justice, respect for diversity, peace and nonviolence.� Oh, and they nominate clowns to be president.

In 1995, the Green Party decided to make a run for the presidency. Many Greens were opposed, wanting instead to go after local offices and slowly build from the bottom up. Naturally, they went after Ralph Nader to be their candidate. Who wouldn�t want a cranky, old man to run the country? Nader accepted the nomination and then placed a $5,000 campaign-spending limit, in order to avoid filing a financial statement with the FEC. After buying pencils, they were pretty much out of money. Nader made it onto 22 state ballots and pulled in a whopping 685,297 votes, or 0.7% of all votes cast. The only way was up. Seriously, they probably couldn�t do worse.

The Green Party continued to grow and focus on local races around the country. Then 2000 rolled around and it was time to get the Nader monster moving again. The timing was perfect for a 3rd party, because of the ugly partisanship that was happening in Washington. Bush actually ran as the candidate of �change.� In the end, according to popular belief, Nader won just enough votes to keep Gore out of the White House. People forget that Gore actually lost a debate or two to Bush and was as stiff and exciting as a door. He also ran an atrocious campaign and probably deserved to lose. Oh, and Bush stole the election.

Regardless of all that, Nader was blamed for the loss. Members of the Green Party were blamed for a complete idiot taking over the presidency and they have been on the defensive ever since. As the 2004 elections began to heat up, Democrats put a lot of pressure on the Green Party and Ralph Nader not to run. The Green Party split into different factions, each with their own idea of how to proceed. Some wanted to not run at all, some wanted to avoid swing states and others wanted to go for it. In the end, they went for it.

This is where it gets awesome. Ralph Nader decided to run as an Independent. So, the Greens nominated attorney David Cobb as their candidate. Then Ralph decided he wanted the endorsement of the Green Party. Got that? He didn�t want the nomination, only the endorsement of a party that already had a candidate. And many of them went for it. Several high up Green Party members went to work for Nader.

In the end, Cobb was on the ballot in 28 states, while Nader was on the ballot in 35 states. Nader received 465,650 votes, while Cobb reeled in a massive 119,859 votes. The total was 2.3 million less than in 2000. Who would have thought after the 2000 election and with a tiny party split in two that they would only pull down 600,000 votes?

Now, it�s 2008 and the Green Party has decided to go from cranky old man to bat shit crazy lady. Nader declared early on that he would decline the Green Party nomination. I guess that�s why he won the California and Massachusetts Green Parties. Why would you want to stop the cranky old "I don't want it" man magic? So, the Green Party looked elsewhere. Instead of choosing one of their own, a member with not as much visibility, but someone who adheres to their policies and has worked within the party for years, they went with a former Democratic nutjob, Cynthia McKinney. I honestly don�t know if they could have found a worse candidate. It�s spectacular ineptitude. The woman is a train wreck. She was basically driven from her party with pitchforks and didn't leave behind many friends. She has a knack for saying the very worst thing possible.

During the 2000 presidential race, Cynthia let this gem slip:

Al Gore's Negro tolerance level has never been too high. I've never known him to have more than one black person around him at any given time.

Gore was obviously upset, mostly because his campaign manager, Donna Brazile, was black.

In 2002, Cynthia went a little too far on a Berkeley radio station and kinda alluded that the Bush administration took down the twin towers.

We know there were numerous warnings of the events to come on September 11th. . . . What did this administration know and when did it know it, about the events of September 11th? Who else knew, and why did they not warn the innocent people of New York who were needlessly murdered? . . . What do they have to hide?

She makes a good point. Why didn't Bush warn all those people in the World Trade Center before he had it blown up? (Citation needed) And�

She suggested that the administration was serving the interests of a Washington-based investment firm, the Carlyle Group, which employs a number of high-ranking former government officials from both parties.

Yay! The Carlyle Group! I love it! Get your conspiracy hat on!

Her fellow Democrats obviously scurried away like rats. McKinney was defeated in a 2002 Democratic primary by Denise Majette. Naturally, it was the Jews fault � at least according to her dear old Dad.

The reporter had asked Billy McKinney about his daughter's use of a years old, moth-balled endorsement from former Atlanta mayor Andrew Young. Such endorsements were worthless, the elder McKinney replied, because "Jews have bought everybody. Jews." In case the reporter didn't understand, he spelled the word: "J-E-W-S."

Could you spell that again please, this is radio after all. She obviously comes from quality stock.

In 2004, Cynthia won back her seat. During that term she was best known for punching a cop.

Police say McKinney struck a Capitol Police officer last week when the officer did not recognize her as a member of Congress and tried to stop her from entering a House office building when she did not present identification.

Lawmakers wear a pin that identifies them to police. Cynthia didn�t like wearing hers, for whatever reason. So, when the cop attempted to stop her, she took a swing. That is how lawmakers do things. Now, wait, I'm thinking of Bartertown. Of course, Cynthia claimed she was being �racially profiled.�

The Capitol police chief saw it differently.

Any time an officer does not know who the person is coming in the building, I direct them to stop that person. And even if you're stopped, you're not supposed to hit a police officer. It's very simple. Even the high and the haughty should be able to stop and say, 'I'm a congressman,' and then everybody moves on.

No shit. Who would have thought? Sign that lady up for president! I would pay an enormous amount of money to get Cynthia into the presidential debates. She is a true liberal, but also a complete fucking nutter.

And as a bonus, if she is elected, then dies in office, we'll have our first Hip Hop President! Oh, yeah! McKinney picked her VP this weekend and it was none other than Rosa Alicia Clemente, community organizer, journalist and Hip-Hop activist. I understand she has mad skillz.

This should be the end of the Green Party. They have gone from being a party with an interesting philosophy to seeking out any clown with a name. And Cynthia McKinney is one hell of a clown.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and comedian. He also writes a blog, called Stop All Monsters.

69 Comments

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Rude_Ruca

I'm lost

December 2004

JUL 15, 2008 05:43 PM

PointBlank said:

Rude_Ruca said:

PointBlank said:

Rude_Ruca said:

Tiwaz said:
This was pretty good FTR. I was pretty much laughing the entire time.

One thing though, even though I was laughing pretty hard at the part about her father, I'm sure you'd agree that who her father is can not be a valid criticism. It was funny though.

As far as the Green party (and all third parties really), you should have listened to those who wanted to build from the bottom up. Short of major national rifts that is how parties are formed and gain strength.

FellOnEarth said:
Oddly enough, I echo RudeRuca's snarky sentiment about people jumping ship as soon as someone starts rocking the boat (apparently - and understandably - blind faith and stoic resolve aren't a Democratic voter's strong suit).

I hope I'm remembering this correctly, but I'm pretty sure FTR hasn't ever really like Obama too much. I'm talking as long ago as last year, so he's not exactly jumping ship. He holds to the philosophy that it's better not to vote or vote third party rather than the worst of two evils philosophy. I don't personally agree, but that's neither here nor there. The point being, I'm pretty sure he never intended to vote for Obama.

In my eyes, though, it doesn't really matter. I remember getting a slight feeling that FTR wasn't full force 100% pro-bama, if you will, hehe, however, he has, time and time again, given Obama a free pass on certain issues, i.e. defending him to the -enth degree while running just about every other candidate's name through the mud. Boy was FTR's blood seemingly boiling when the Hilary camp was putting Obama's association with the Rev Wright into question daily for about a week or two. Hell, for a while there, FTR's default pic was Obama (granted, it was of Obama with a cig hanging from his lip, but nevertheless, it was Obama...). It wasn't until the FISA decision that FTR finally came out and said something along the lines of "and I am not even voting for the guy", in reference to Obama. Trust me, I was not the only person whose jaw hit the computer desk that day upon reading that.

FTR had said he was going to vote for Obama. He's also been dead-set against the FISA bill, especially giving immunity to the telecoms. He's been talking about that for a long time. Since Obama did a (Pretty indefensible) switch on his position on that issue, FTR decided not to vote for him. I'm guessing that if FTR lived in a battleground state, he still might bite the bullet and vote for Obama, but since he doesn't, he won't. I'm not sure that I will either, by the way.

In the actual election, our votes (from CA and NY) won't cost Obama a thing, you realize, right?

I really don't know what the "Whatever" face is for. If a candidate goes directly against something you believe in, and something that he claimed to believe in, I'm guessing you'd question your support, right?
Oh, wait...you're voting for the guy who has abandoned every principle he's ever stood for.

I am in Maryland, of course I realize and understand that logic. However, since when did FTR have his hand surgically implanted up your rear so that you may project all thoughts from his brain onto the boards, hence defending him when he is challenged, or even questioned, on this?

Um...you're the one who just posted 250 words on what FTR was thinking. I was just trying to clarify. I wasn't aware that you were the only one with access to other people's thoughts.

I know you're afraid of being corrected or something, but don't worry, Curly: no one was insulting you.

No, I was stating facts. This is what FTR has said, this is the air that FTR has given off via some of his statements. The initial comment about voting for McCain was SARCASTIC in nature and I think even posed as a question. I am not trying to channel the thoughts swirling around 'ol FTR's brain, unlike yourself, I am merely restating things that he has said.

emotedcreations

Germany

July 2006

JUL 15, 2008 05:44 PM

PointBlank said:

Rude_Ruca said:
In my eyes, though, it doesn't really matter. I remember getting a slight feeling that FTR wasn't full force 100% pro-bama, if you will, hehe, however, he has, time and time again, given Obama a free pass on certain issues, i.e. defending him to the -enth degree while running just about every other candidate's name through the mud. Boy was FTR's blood seemingly boiling when the Hilary camp was putting Obama's association with the Rev Wright into question daily for about a week or two. Hell, for a while there, FTR's default pic was Obama (granted, it was of Obama with a cig hanging from his lip, but nevertheless, it was Obama...). It wasn't until the FISA decision that FTR finally came out and said something along the lines of "and I am not even voting for the guy", in reference to Obama. Trust me, I was not the only person whose jaw hit the computer desk that day upon reading that.

Maybe he was saying he wouldn't vote for Clinton if she got the nomination. He actually told me who he was going to vote for, and he asked me to keep it private which is why I said what I said (cause I don't remember it being Obama--see above).

Anyway, it's a moot point. FTR hates all politicians. He's made fun of and criticized everyone. And one can could easily argue his anger was more directed toward Clinton than in defense of Obama. It's no secret that FTR loathes Clinton. [this last part is direct towards Rude Ruca].