Holy shit, just when you think the right wing can’t be more retarded, WALL-E comes out and they lose their shit. Apparently, WALL-E is an evil movie full of “liberal propaganda” and “fear mongering.” The sweet little robot movie is poisoning the minds of our youth with its “agenda.”

Wha? Would that agenda be, “Don’t pollute and get off your ass?” Seriously? That is what they are getting upset about? What the fuck is wrong with these morons? And they are morons. Take a look:

Shannen Coffin:

Hey, lady named after the box we put dead people in, the movie is about love and the dangers of excess. Believing in exercise and using your mind are not part of the “liberal agenda.” That God you worship sort of set shit up like that. He gave you parts to use. The movie is saying if you don’t use the shit God gave you, then it ain’t gonna work out that well. As far as all the pollution, you may want to become familiar with the term “exaggeration” because it is a pretty common storytelling tool. And as far as it being an "awful" story - welcome to the world of being alone.

Greg Pollowitz

Welcome to the world of irony, Greg. I guess it would be “like a 90 minute lecture” if anyone in the movie spoke during the first hour. See, Greg, people speak during lectures. That is actually what a lecture is. You just compared a movie where no one speaks to a lecture and you were serious, which is hilarious. This was a visual feast, during which your simple brain was forced to work without being told everything. Oh, and it’s a FUCKING CARTOON. Are you still mad at Dr. Seuss because of The Lorax? I see no difference between you and a shit-throwing monkey.

Glenn Beck:

Here’s a tip, Glenn: The movie is set in the future, so they aren’t teaching you kids that we have destroyed the Earth, but that we may if we don’t change our ways. But, hey, now you can be as mad at robots as you are at penguins. Also, Glenn, please tell me if you know what a closed system is, because you sound mildly retarded.

Glenn, did you just attempt to make your point with Styrofoam? Did you actually just convey irritation that your child may ask a question about the overuse of Styrofoam? Do you actually think only people who are excited to tell their kids about the problems of Styrofoam (no one) will enjoy Wall-E? Has a thought ever entered your brain that you didn’t allow to come out of your mouth?

Dirty Harry:

Oh, dear. You stupid asshole. Do you not understand that art imitates life – and films in particular reflect what is happening in society at that moment? For you to take such umbrage at a subtle moment is both astounding and laughable. Not once during this film did I, someone who hates Bush to his core, think about President Bush. Only you right wing morons seem to be frothing at the mouth over this kind of shit. And yet, I bet you still love when a “Clinton getting a blow job” joke rolls out of Robin Williams' pie hole. Oh, and thanks for hating the movie about the dangers of excess but loving the movie about rats cooking food. That’s a great message for kids.

You’re a fucking tool.

Jonah Goldberg:

Hey, thanks for being able to see through all the incredibly offensive images and enjoying the movie. But, I’m going to have to call you out on being a douchebag. For you to use the term “fear mongering” in a negative fashion is the height of irony.

Jonah, had this movie been about a world destroyed by terrorism, you would have jerked off until your penis looked like it had gone 15 rounds with Rocky. Maybe if conservatives had a creative bone in their body, they might be able to knock a few of those out of the park. But you guys don’t, so you won’t. Bummer for you.

Gennady Stolyarov II

Egregiously unrealistic?

Gennady, you know that was a cartoon, right? You understand that there is a difference between cartoons and documentaries, right? You know that people don’t have superpowers, like that family in The Incredibles, right? And that toys don’t talk and run around, like they did in Toy Story? Also, you understand that you are a fucking moron, right?

I understand that the right wing seems to have no ability to form complex thoughts. And I am not kidding, or making a nasty comment. I truly believe they do not have the capability to construct complex thoughts. They only see simplicity and then react with grunts and shrieks. WALL-E is a classic example.

The movie is a love story first. And the true villain is technology – but not in an overt way. Advances in technology allowed humans to break with nature, which led them to become divorced from their humanity. Their culture and society is completely artificial and they have moved about as far away from being human as possible. WALL-E is now more human than humans, as he longs for an intimate connection and enjoys the fruits of labor. WALL-E is on Earth, living a natural and organic life, while humans are in space, living an artificial life. People have now become so reliant on technology that they communicate via computer while sitting right next to each other, while WALL-E attempts to communicate by speaking and finding a common bond. It’s irony!

My favorite aspect of the right wing hatred are the movie's religious undertones.

The robot Eve brings forth the new “apple” in the form of a plant that tempts them to leave the false world they have created, the false God of technology and instead choose life. Too bad the simplistic right wing monkeys couldn’t see the obvious religious undertones due to their rage over piles of animated garbage. Oh, and wasn’t one of the seven deadly sins “Sloth?” Does the right wing now believe that excess is okay? How the fuck did they get to this place? They are more cartoony than WALL-E.

FearTheReaper may have started a blog.