BLOG VIEW  |  HEADLINE VIEW
SUBMIT NEWS  |  RSS FEED  |  SEARCH

Asshole Fuckface Roundup #53

SATURDAY JULY 5 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

TAGS: Tyson Gay, George W. Bush

Just one day after Americans celebrated the birth of their horrible nation, they can celebrate something more important: Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day. Throw a fucking BBQ! Blow off some fireworks! Make love to a dog! It’s Asshole Fuckface day! Since man popped out of monkeys (I think that’s what happened) there have been Asshole Fuckfaces. And because of the existence of Asshole Fuckfaces, God made people like me, who scour the news to find the worst of the worst and drag them into the light, for all to see. We then mock them as a group and feel better about ourselves. The Buddha would have been seriously into this shit. So, strap on your favorite nylon vest and pants because it’s going to be messy.

First up, what’s an Asshole Fuckface Roundup without a Christian scared of words?

This week sprinter Tyson Gay won the 100 meter final at the Olympic Trials in Eugene, Oregon. He ran the race in 9.68 seconds, but the time will not stand as a record because there was a nice breeze blowing from behind him. What the fuck does this have to do with Christians? Well, they use auto-replace in the stories they pick up from the AP. I guess some words aren’t allowed and others are. Take gay and homosexual, for instance.



Nicely done, you Asshole Fuckfaces. How is living in fear of words going? Here’s what the article was supposed to look like. The crazy Christians realized the mistake made by their auto correct program and fixed it – but not before people noticed and called them out on their total and complete retardation.

Next up, some Asshole Fuckfaces kick old ladies in the face for Jesus.

Canadian evangelist Todd Bentley is causing a bit of a stir in Florida. They are used to evangelists down there, but Todd seems to be going over the line a bit.


The revival seems set to meet in the tents at Sun 'n Fun for the indefinite future, even though some national and local Pentecostal leaders are wary of giving approval to it.


Why are they wary? Well, Todd has an interesting style. He is covered in tattoos, has a couple of lip piercings and loves pro wrestling. He had a few private conversations with angels seven years ago. Also, he claims that prayers have raised 25 people from the dead. The twice-daily show is a bit energetic.


One local Pentecostal pastor who attended the revival said he came away "uncomfortable."


Huh. Think that has anything to do with Bentley’s healing methods?



What? No setting someone on fire to stop their acne? Come on, Bentley, Jesus is calling.

Next, what would the Roundup be without a showing from our country’s greatest Asshole Fuckface.

This week Bush heaped praise on his administration and John McCain, by pretending they didn’t strongly oppose the new GI Bill.



Hey, that’s nice. Give credit to McCain, the guy who was fucking opposed to the bill, the guy Webb tried to convince for over a year to help him get this bill passed, they guy who said he thought the bill was a bad idea because it would make life better for soldiers, which would cause them to leave the military.


They are very hard to replace. Encouraging people to choose to not become noncommissioned officers would hurt the military and our country very badly.” McCain argues his bill would have a smaller impact on retention rates than the legislation that the Senate passed.


And, by all means, praise yourself, because you also opposed the legislation because soldiers might want to better themselves.


The Pentagon and White House have so far resisted a new GI Bill out of fear that too many will use it - choosing to shed the uniform in favor of school and civilian life.


But now that Congress passed the GI Bill with a veto proof majority – George has decided to take credit. Go fuck yourself, you dirty cunt. You’re the worst president in the history of the United States. You can suck on that ‘til you die, you unparalleled failure.

Finally, one of the biggest Asshole Fuckfaces on the face of the Earth, John Stossel.

How awesome are oil companies? John Stossel breaks it down.



The guy who responded in that video was awesome.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a FearTheReaper oil painting portrait.

 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 ... 

4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

 ... 15

Next

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

JUL 06, 2008 02:07 PM

Idhablo666 said:
BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB


to quote a great philosopher, stupid is as stupid does.

when religion is misused--and it is, quite frequently--it's invariably by people like you. people who hate. unfortunately, as you yourself prove, hatred is not a quality of religion, it's a quality of humanity. go ahead, get rid of religion. the world will be no better for it. there will still be genocides, totalitarian regimes, and insecure little people who cling fervently to a particular quality that they think makes them special.

Idhablo666 said:
I'm sorry your GOD wants me to go to hell, you kids think it's terrible and wrong to send me there huh? But you just can't help it-- God does what he wants with us atheists huh?. Oh, well, let's burn some witches!


my god? i don't have a god, and never claimed to.

as for what most christians believe, yes, that's pretty much it. they pity those who don't believe. i fail to see how that's a less valid a sentiment than, say, hating them for believing it.

Idhablo666 said:
resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok?


actually, Captain Spellerific, it is possible (and quite common) to be bigoted against folks who are Neo-Nazis or members of the KKK. the fact that this bigotry is socially acceptable (and healthy) doesn't make it not bigotry.

but you knew that, right? because you got into Mensa. ok?

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 02:09 PM

ldhablo666 said:

motorfirebox said:

Idhablo666 said:
i guess christians DON'T believe that you must accept jebus christos in order to be saved from HELL.


you're an idiot because you've leapt to the ridiculous conclusion that christians want you to go to hell, that they're somehow trying to send you there. if i tell you that you're likely to get run over by a car if you cross the street without looking, that doesn't meant i'm trying to run you over. idiot.




ahhahahahahahahaha hahahah (cough cough hack hack) hahahahahahha

I'm sorry your GOD wants me to go to hell, you kids think it's terrible and wrong to send me there huh? But you just can't help it-- God does what he wants with us atheists huh?. Oh, well, let's burn some witches!

lol. you guys are funny.

Crazy religious nuts calling me a bigot as their creed trys to kill and enslave every-other person on the planet in the name of the one true GOD... laughable shit...

BTW: resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok? It makes you sane and honorable. Cuz... those groups are EVIL just like religions sects (e.g., Christianity, Islam, et.al.) that advocate the same kind of shit!, ok?

ok.



And calling people "fags" and "homos" is not bigoted and derogatory?

I hope you get the zot right as your having the greatest jerk session of your life.

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 02:09 PM

zoom image

Send the people to the counrtyside for reeducation.

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

Redding, CA
December 2005

JUL 06, 2008 02:09 PM

zoom image

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 02:13 PM

coyotemike said:

ldhablo666 said:
i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am --- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB).



A good editor would have taken care of that.



Fixed.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

JUL 06, 2008 02:22 PM

ldhablo666 said:
BTW: resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok? It makes you sane and honorable. Cuz... those groups are EVIL just like religions sects (e.g., Christianity, Islam, et.al.) that advocate the same kind of shit!, ok?

ok.



What you're not seeming to be able to wrap your head around is that "resistance" to an ideology or way of life is not the same as "hatred" of it. If you want to talk about Neo-Nazi's and the Klan then let me point out that what makes them abhorrent is that they base their ideology on hatred. Much like you. No one is arguing against your atheism. Many of us, including myself, believe that the idea of god is just a bit silly. What we decry is your foolish belief that hating and belittling those who don't share that belief is the only and best way to be atheist. It's not. In fact it's incredibly ironic since you claim it's the very same behavior among the religious that turns you against them.

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 02:22 PM

Sydni said:

coyotemike said:

ldhablo666 said:
i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am--- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB).



You have given little evidence to the contrary.



"Not dumb" is not the same as genius.

Do you like hiding behind those awesome titles you've given yourself thinking if you call yourself those ugly names first it won't hurt when someone decides to back you up on that claim?



Listen miss Non Sequitur USA, you may think my arguments are open to critique but that is not the same as a 'dumb' person who cannot even make a fucking argument at all (see: YOU)

I must admit, I find it a bit amusing that you think a 150 IQ means nothing at all. As if the fact that 99% of the population scores below that mark is irrelevant. Maybe the fact that the Patriots won all those super-bowls in the last few years is meaningless too in regards to athletic performance. Maybe all of us are great football players then... We are all the same! I am now Jesus! WTF? I am not even sure what that means. Sorry...

For the record, you can call me whatever you like. You will be at least half right I am sure on most insults cuz I am not that great a guy. But I am just not dumb no matter how hard you try to insist that I am. Try another angle, this way is blocked. Further, I have given plenty "of evidence" to dissuade you of your black notion vis-a-vis my intellect, but I suspect you jut can't read the map young lady. Go back and re-read, maybe it will come to you.


BTW: resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok? It makes you sane and honorable. Cuz... those groups are EVIL just like religious sects (e.g., Christianity, Islam, et.al.) that advocate the same kind of shit!, ok? (see: bible quotes above. Real tolerant shit!)

ENJOY KIDS! I gotta go clean my guns.

P.s. I mentioned C. Hitchens myself so no need to pretend I am trying to "out Hitchens" him; or plagiarize him. His influence on me is admitted to freely. Ok? Thanks.
eeek

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 02:26 PM

Your IQ has nothing to do with common decency and common sense.


Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 02:29 PM

Also, I think it's hilarious that you've decided to insult my intelligence, when I've made no claims to what my intelligence may be.

I'm calling you a BIGOT because you said BIGOTED things. This leads me to believe that no matter how smart you are on any IQ tests, you have horribly failed at the internet, and if you spout that hate in the real world, I'm certain that others have called you worse.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

JUL 06, 2008 02:29 PM

lithocarpus said:

ldhablo666 said:
I must admit, I find it a bit amusing that you think a 150 IQ means nothing at all. As if the fact that 99% of the population scores below that mark is irrelevant.
eeek



You are fucking amusing. Please continue. It's enlivening an otherwise boring Sunday afternoon.


I know! Way better than the movie I saw this morning. Want some of my popcorn?

Varuka_Salt

Varuka_Salt

I'm lost
October 2006

JUL 06, 2008 02:30 PM

Well MINE'S 140 and I don't own ANY guns. You know what that means, don't you?!?!?

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

JUL 06, 2008 02:31 PM

ldhablo666 said:

Sydni said:

coyotemike said:

ldhablo666 said:
i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am--- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB).



You have given little evidence to the contrary.



"Not dumb" is not the same as genius.

Do you like hiding behind those awesome titles you've given yourself thinking if you call yourself those ugly names first it won't hurt when someone decides to back you up on that claim?



Listen miss Non Sequitur USA, you may think my arguments are open to critique but that is not the same as a 'dumb' person who cannot even make a fucking argument at all (see: YOU)

I must admit, I find it a bit amusing that you think a 150 IQ means nothing at all. As if the fact that 99% of the population scores below that mark is irrelevant. Maybe the fact that the Patriots won all those super-bowls in the last few years is meaningless too in regards to athletic performance. Maybe all of us are great football players then... We are all the same! I am now Jesus! WTF? I am not even sure what that means. Sorry...

For the record, you can call me whatever you like. You will be at least half right I am sure on most insults cuz I am not that great a guy. But I am just not dumb no matter how hard you try to insist that I am. Try another angle, this way is blocked. Further, I have given plenty "of evidence" to dissuade you of your black notion vis-a-vis my intellect, but I suspect you jut can't read the map young lady. Go back and re-read, maybe it will come to you.


BTW: resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok? It makes you sane and honorable. Cuz... those groups are EVIL just like religious sects (e.g., Christianity, Islam, et.al.) that advocate the same kind of shit!, ok? (see: bible quotes above. Real tolerant shit!)

ENJOY KIDS! I gotta go clean my guns.

P.s. I mentioned C. Hitchens myself so no need to pretend I am trying to "out Hitchens" him; or plagiarize him. His influence on me is admitted to freely. Ok? Thanks.
eeek



Hmm. Poignant.

It is quite possible to have superior intelligence and yet still have difficulties that may require professional help. Scoring well on any IQ test is no guarantee of success in life. Professional psychological help can sometimes make all the difference between partially or fully realizing your potential.

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

JUL 06, 2008 02:32 PM

Idhablo666 said:
Listen miss Non Sequitur USA, you may think my arguments are open to critique but that is not the same as a 'dumb' person who cannot even make a fucking argument at all (see: YOU)


i admit, i have a hard time taking claims of intelligence seriously from someone who has trouble following a simple conversation. as far as your 'arguments' go--what arguments? saying that religion is the same as being a Nazi, that's an argument now? calling people homosexual because they don't agree with you, that's logic? exactly which Mensa did you join?

Idhablo666 said:
I must admit, I find it a bit amusing that you think a 150 IQ means nothing at all.


owning a really awesome race car doesn't make you a NASCAR driver.

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 02:34 PM

Sydni said.



And calling people "fags" and "homos" is not bigoted and derogatory?

I hope you get the zot right as your having the greatest jerk session of your life.

PC police now are we? I can say 'fag' and 'homo' cuz I aint a homophobe/ and might just be a little gay myself... . Like black folx can all each other 'niggas'. Surely you can dig that? Who knows what you can even comprehend at this point though.

I hope i get the ZOT too... you and I agree (finally)

SATAN (now I really gotta go, so enjoy!)

P.s Hey according to you folx the KKK is A-OK! Just don't be mean or hate anyone ever, no matter what they do! The nazis just needed a hug! Rednecks during Jim Crow were swell people!
The church wasn't raping kids and torturing 'witches' they were just doing their own thing... peace and love all around! love

How nice it is to be liberal white folx in a 1st world country where you'll never have to fight for anything. How wonderful it must be to be so nice and tolerant of the rape and murder all around you...

Read Derrick Jensen's Endgame while you're at it...

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 02:35 PM

ldhablo666 said:

Sydni said:

coyotemike said:

ldhablo666 said:
i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am--- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB).



You have given little evidence to the contrary.



"Not dumb" is not the same as genius.

Do you like hiding behind those awesome titles you've given yourself thinking if you call yourself those ugly names first it won't hurt when someone decides to back you up on that claim?



Listen miss Non Sequitur USA, you may think my arguments are open to critique but that is not the same as a 'dumb' person who cannot even make a fucking argument at all (see: YOU)

I must admit, I find it a bit amusing that you think a 150 IQ means nothing at all. As if the fact that 99% of the population scores below that mark is irrelevant. Maybe the fact that the Patriots won all those super-bowls in the last few years is meaningless too in regards to athletic performance. Maybe all of us are great football players then... We are all the same! I am now Jesus! WTF? I am not even sure what that means. Sorry...

For the record, you can call me whatever you like. You will be at least half right I am sure on most insults cuz I am not that great a guy. But I am just not dumb no matter how hard you try to insist that I am. Try another angle, this way is blocked. Further, I have given plenty "of evidence" to dissuade you of your black notion vis-a-vis my intellect, but I suspect you jut can't read the map young lady. Go back and re-read, maybe it will come to you.


BTW: resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok? It makes you sane and honorable. Cuz... those groups are EVIL just like religious sects (e.g., Christianity, Islam, et.al.) that advocate the same kind of shit!, ok? (see: bible quotes above. Real tolerant shit!)

ENJOY KIDS! I gotta go clean my guns.

P.s. I mentioned C. Hitchens myself so no need to pretend I am trying to "out Hitchens" him; or plagiarize him. His influence on me is admitted to freely. Ok? Thanks.
eeek



AHAHAHAHAHABAHAHEHEHEHAHAHAHA!

Yo, Aristophanes, I didn't read all of your posts, but you are totally outing yourself as a low-to-middling intellect. But, also, that kind of attitude is so utterly un-American. I mean, one of the founding tenets of what it is to be an American, you completely despise: religious freedom and tolerance.

That good sir, is a sure road to totalitarianism.

Previous

PAGE: 

1 ... 

4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

 ... 15

Next

Now Hear This

Last Comment 5 HR by orbro

Now Hear This

Last Comment 5 HR

There's like a half-hour of video here. You should do a vlog. More ...

Asshole Fuckface Roundup #74

Last Comment 5 HR

Parents who are accustomed to carrying guns around may not think anything of going into child-related... More ...

An Encounter With Jonathan Shaw's Narcisa

Last Comment 6 HR

thanx gurlz... u rrrrrule!! xx jonathan shaw and narcisa More ...

SuicideGirl: Bob

Bob

Terrible Woman's MySpace Alias Leads to Teen's Suicide.

Last Comment 21 HR

But, it's delivered poorly...really poorly. Unless, it's not a joke, in which case, it's a good place... More ...

Bail The Shit Out Of Detroit

Last Comment 11/30/08 by Shalome

Bail The Shit Out Of Detroit

Last Comment 11/30/08

Oh my fucking god. More ...

Filtering the Truth: Religion - Friend or Foe?

Last Comment 11/30/08

I'm just going to skip over the mass orgy that's going on and say my piece: I don't think religion is... More ...

SuicideGirls Interview: Kinky Friedman
SuicideGirls Interview: Crispin Hellion Glover: It Is Fine! Everything Is Fine
SuicideGirls Interview: Jhonen Vasquez