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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #53

SATURDAY JULY 5 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

TAGS: Tyson Gay, George W. Bush

Just one day after Americans celebrated the birth of their horrible nation, they can celebrate something more important: Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day. Throw a fucking BBQ! Blow off some fireworks! Make love to a dog! It’s Asshole Fuckface day! Since man popped out of monkeys (I think that’s what happened) there have been Asshole Fuckfaces. And because of the existence of Asshole Fuckfaces, God made people like me, who scour the news to find the worst of the worst and drag them into the light, for all to see. We then mock them as a group and feel better about ourselves. The Buddha would have been seriously into this shit. So, strap on your favorite nylon vest and pants because it’s going to be messy.

First up, what’s an Asshole Fuckface Roundup without a Christian scared of words?

This week sprinter Tyson Gay won the 100 meter final at the Olympic Trials in Eugene, Oregon. He ran the race in 9.68 seconds, but the time will not stand as a record because there was a nice breeze blowing from behind him. What the fuck does this have to do with Christians? Well, they use auto-replace in the stories they pick up from the AP. I guess some words aren’t allowed and others are. Take gay and homosexual, for instance.



Nicely done, you Asshole Fuckfaces. How is living in fear of words going? Here’s what the article was supposed to look like. The crazy Christians realized the mistake made by their auto correct program and fixed it – but not before people noticed and called them out on their total and complete retardation.

Next up, some Asshole Fuckfaces kick old ladies in the face for Jesus.

Canadian evangelist Todd Bentley is causing a bit of a stir in Florida. They are used to evangelists down there, but Todd seems to be going over the line a bit.


The revival seems set to meet in the tents at Sun 'n Fun for the indefinite future, even though some national and local Pentecostal leaders are wary of giving approval to it.


Why are they wary? Well, Todd has an interesting style. He is covered in tattoos, has a couple of lip piercings and loves pro wrestling. He had a few private conversations with angels seven years ago. Also, he claims that prayers have raised 25 people from the dead. The twice-daily show is a bit energetic.


One local Pentecostal pastor who attended the revival said he came away "uncomfortable."


Huh. Think that has anything to do with Bentley’s healing methods?



What? No setting someone on fire to stop their acne? Come on, Bentley, Jesus is calling.

Next, what would the Roundup be without a showing from our country’s greatest Asshole Fuckface.

This week Bush heaped praise on his administration and John McCain, by pretending they didn’t strongly oppose the new GI Bill.



Hey, that’s nice. Give credit to McCain, the guy who was fucking opposed to the bill, the guy Webb tried to convince for over a year to help him get this bill passed, they guy who said he thought the bill was a bad idea because it would make life better for soldiers, which would cause them to leave the military.


They are very hard to replace. Encouraging people to choose to not become noncommissioned officers would hurt the military and our country very badly.” McCain argues his bill would have a smaller impact on retention rates than the legislation that the Senate passed.


And, by all means, praise yourself, because you also opposed the legislation because soldiers might want to better themselves.


The Pentagon and White House have so far resisted a new GI Bill out of fear that too many will use it - choosing to shed the uniform in favor of school and civilian life.


But now that Congress passed the GI Bill with a veto proof majority – George has decided to take credit. Go fuck yourself, you dirty cunt. You’re the worst president in the history of the United States. You can suck on that ‘til you die, you unparalleled failure.

Finally, one of the biggest Asshole Fuckfaces on the face of the Earth, John Stossel.

How awesome are oil companies? John Stossel breaks it down.



The guy who responded in that video was awesome.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a FearTheReaper oil painting portrait.

 

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Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 01:31 PM

motorfirebox said:
come on, now Sydni. we all know that not hating christianity is, in essence, the same as a man having sex with another man. it's a perfectly logical comparison! we know so because the Mensatard tells us so.



The word of the day kids is: MENSATARD

Use it in a sentence today.

Hey I didn't know that you could have the horrible fate of being a bigot and a mensatard! How does he get through life?

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:34 PM

Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

Kearney, NE
May 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:37 PM

wildswan said:
Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.



You know, he reminds me of a student I had once. He'd completely fucked up his paper, to the point of no return, yet kept telling me "Well, I got A's and B's in high school english." I told him I was very impressed, and that I hoped he would use some of those obvious skills for the next paper, as he would need it to make up for the F he had just earned.

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 01:38 PM

wildswan said:
Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.



Well they don't actually let you into Mensa...you just end up being on their JV team: the Mensatards. You know- it's where the smrt bigots go.

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 01:39 PM

coyotemike said:

wildswan said:
Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.



You know, he reminds me of a student I had once. He'd completely fucked up his paper, to the point of no return, yet kept telling me "Well, I got A's and B's in high school english." I told him I was very impressed, and that I hoped he would use some of those obvious skills for the next paper, as he would need it to make up for the F he had just earned.



I know that kid felt butthurt. Hahahaa!

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:40 PM

coyotemike said:

wildswan said:
Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.



You know, he reminds me of a student I had once. He'd completely fucked up his paper, to the point of no return, yet kept telling me "Well, I got A's and B's in high school english." I told him I was very impressed, and that I hoped he would use some of those obvious skills for the next paper, as he would need it to make up for the F he had just earned.



Sydni said:

wildswan said:
Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.



Well they don't actually let you into Mensa...you just end up being on their JV team: the Mensatards. You know- it's where the smrt bigots go.



HAHA! I'm #2! I'm # 2!

Varuka_Salt

Varuka_Salt

I'm lost
October 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:41 PM

Glad a real militant atheist showed up so all the people who think I'm one can, as Toku666 so eloquently put, "back up out of my ass."

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:42 PM

coyotemike said:

wildswan said:
Y'all know that they let anyone into Mensa these days, right? But, hell, I didn't think their outreach was that desperate.



You know, he reminds me of a student I had once. He'd completely fucked up his paper, to the point of no return, yet kept telling me "Well, I got A's and B's in high school english." I told him I was very impressed, and that I hoped he would use some of those obvious skills for the next paper, as he would need it to make up for the F he had just earned.



Hurumph. My mommy thinks I'm beautiful.

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

Kearney, NE
May 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:47 PM

wildswan said:
Hurumph. My mommy thinks I'm beautiful.



Your mommy's not the only one wink wink

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

JUL 06, 2008 01:52 PM

you want some real irony? i'm talking a deep-in-the-guts belly laugh?

Mensa said:
The original aims were, as they are today, to create a society that is non-political and free from all racial or religious distinctions.

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 01:53 PM

J24U said:


Why do you assume I would ever apologize for who I am? People can accept me, or they can move along. There doesn't have to be any animosity in the situation. And while it is true that I have no obligation to be nice to "them" whatever I have an obligation to be respectful if I in turn desire respect from them...or anyone else with some view that is opposite of mine.



You and i just disagree here. Religion is tantamount to totalitarianism in my view and thus I have no obligation to respect it (or love it or be nice to it) or anything but ridicule it and destroy it when I can (in my own little way. lol).

I respect my equals and friends, and my enemies can fuck off. I don't care what your liberal nonsense requires of you; i am not fettered by it ("I am beyond your lying, timid morality and thus I am beyond caring" -- Col Kurtz); further i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am--- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB). Insult away, but try to be accurate ok kids?

Next, this fetish you seem to have with 'tolerance' of what I call evil is similar to what Edmund Burke was referring to with his famous quote on the matter. To wit: "[a]ll that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing".

Religion is evil IMHO. I say here the idea, and the institutions of religion are evil; notice the distinction I make-- I am not saying religious PEOPLE are always evil [ed.note. my satirical comment on this matter is on the public record].

Maybe you think my accusations against religion are hyperbolic, and that they are not at all attempting to kill or enslave us. Maybe then you should listen to Bush talk about how God told him to invade Iraq (and McKinley too if you think a timeline may be important) Maybe you could listen to the Mullahs as they issue death threats against us Infidels for merely not sharing their faith in Allah (or Muhammad). Maybe you could go to 1000 places on earth where religious credulity is a precursor for hatred and killing. Then you can wax nostalgic about the tolerant priest you know (maybe he aint fucking little kids either. lol. but aint it true that having a 'celibate' Priesthood insulated from critique hangin' with kiddies all day kinda lends itself to child rape?) So what if one or two or even 1000 religious people are decent folx, their philosophy is horrid and I can prove it by using their own fucking text! Maybe the Bible herself will convince you of its insanity:

"Christians who are slaves should give their masters full respect so that the name of God and his teaching will not be shamed. If your master is a Christian, that is no excuse for being disrespectful. You should work all the harder because you are helping another believer by your efforts. Teach these truths, Timothy, and encourage everyone to obey them." (1 Timothy 6:1-2 NLT

or:

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ." (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)

or:

"Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly. For God made Adam first, and afterward he made Eve. And it was the woman, not Adam, who was deceived by Satan, and sin was the result. But women will be saved through childbearing and by continuing to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty. (1 Timothy 2:11-15 NLT)

Nice and respectful huh? [ed.note I am being facetious] Religion poisons everything. I will never respect it or tolerate. Ok?


LASTLY, to be sure there are good & tolerant religious PEOPLE, just as there are good & honest fascist PEOPLE. But the philosophy itself is SILLY-ASS and evil. It needs to be eradicated or at the very least kept out of the public square so evolved beings like myself (and you?) can live a free life unfettered by religious influence on social norms... got it?


"The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next." - Mark Twain

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 01:56 PM

motorfirebox said:
you want some real irony? i'm talking a deep-in-the-guts belly laugh?

Mensa said:
The original aims were, as they are today, to create a society that is non-political and free from all racial or religious distinctions.



Thank you! Goodnight!

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

Kearney, NE
May 2006

JUL 06, 2008 01:58 PM

ldhablo666 said:
i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am--- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB).



You have given little evidence to the contrary.

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUL 06, 2008 02:02 PM

coyotemike said:

ldhablo666 said:
i don't give a fuck if people insult me, as long as it's accurate (e.g., I am a dick, I am arrogant, I am probably not as funny as I think I am--- BUT I AM CLEARLY NOT DUMB).



You have given little evidence to the contrary.



"Not dumb" is not the same as genius.

Do you like hiding behind those awesome titles you've given yourself thinking if you call yourself those ugly names first it won't hurt when someone decides to back you up on that claim?

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 02:06 PM

motorfirebox said:

Idhablo666 said:
i guess christians DON'T believe that you must accept jebus christos in order to be saved from HELL.


you're an idiot because you've leapt to the ridiculous conclusion that christians want you to go to hell, that they're somehow trying to send you there. if i tell you that you're likely to get run over by a car if you cross the street without looking, that doesn't meant i'm trying to run you over. idiot.




ahhahahahahahahaha hahahah (cough cough hack hack) hahahahahahha

I'm sorry your GOD wants me to go to hell, you kids think it's terrible and wrong to send me there huh? But you just can't help it-- God does what he wants with us atheists huh?. Oh, well, let's burn some witches!

lol. you guys are funny.

Crazy religious nuts calling me a bigot as their creed trys to kill and enslave every-other person on the planet in the name of the one true GOD... laughable shit...

BTW: resistance to bigotry and intolerance is NOT bigotry and intolerance folx. Like, check this out: if you hate Neo-Nazis and the KKK that doesn't make you a bigot ok? It makes you sane and honorable. Cuz... those groups are EVIL just like religions sects (e.g., Christianity, Islam, et.al.) that advocate the same kind of shit!, ok?

ok.

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