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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #53

SATURDAY JULY 5 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

TAGS: Tyson Gay, George W. Bush

Just one day after Americans celebrated the birth of their horrible nation, they can celebrate something more important: Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day. Throw a fucking BBQ! Blow off some fireworks! Make love to a dog! It’s Asshole Fuckface day! Since man popped out of monkeys (I think that’s what happened) there have been Asshole Fuckfaces. And because of the existence of Asshole Fuckfaces, God made people like me, who scour the news to find the worst of the worst and drag them into the light, for all to see. We then mock them as a group and feel better about ourselves. The Buddha would have been seriously into this shit. So, strap on your favorite nylon vest and pants because it’s going to be messy.

First up, what’s an Asshole Fuckface Roundup without a Christian scared of words?

This week sprinter Tyson Gay won the 100 meter final at the Olympic Trials in Eugene, Oregon. He ran the race in 9.68 seconds, but the time will not stand as a record because there was a nice breeze blowing from behind him. What the fuck does this have to do with Christians? Well, they use auto-replace in the stories they pick up from the AP. I guess some words aren’t allowed and others are. Take gay and homosexual, for instance.



Nicely done, you Asshole Fuckfaces. How is living in fear of words going? Here’s what the article was supposed to look like. The crazy Christians realized the mistake made by their auto correct program and fixed it – but not before people noticed and called them out on their total and complete retardation.

Next up, some Asshole Fuckfaces kick old ladies in the face for Jesus.

Canadian evangelist Todd Bentley is causing a bit of a stir in Florida. They are used to evangelists down there, but Todd seems to be going over the line a bit.


The revival seems set to meet in the tents at Sun 'n Fun for the indefinite future, even though some national and local Pentecostal leaders are wary of giving approval to it.


Why are they wary? Well, Todd has an interesting style. He is covered in tattoos, has a couple of lip piercings and loves pro wrestling. He had a few private conversations with angels seven years ago. Also, he claims that prayers have raised 25 people from the dead. The twice-daily show is a bit energetic.


One local Pentecostal pastor who attended the revival said he came away "uncomfortable."


Huh. Think that has anything to do with Bentley’s healing methods?



What? No setting someone on fire to stop their acne? Come on, Bentley, Jesus is calling.

Next, what would the Roundup be without a showing from our country’s greatest Asshole Fuckface.

This week Bush heaped praise on his administration and John McCain, by pretending they didn’t strongly oppose the new GI Bill.



Hey, that’s nice. Give credit to McCain, the guy who was fucking opposed to the bill, the guy Webb tried to convince for over a year to help him get this bill passed, they guy who said he thought the bill was a bad idea because it would make life better for soldiers, which would cause them to leave the military.


They are very hard to replace. Encouraging people to choose to not become noncommissioned officers would hurt the military and our country very badly.” McCain argues his bill would have a smaller impact on retention rates than the legislation that the Senate passed.


And, by all means, praise yourself, because you also opposed the legislation because soldiers might want to better themselves.


The Pentagon and White House have so far resisted a new GI Bill out of fear that too many will use it - choosing to shed the uniform in favor of school and civilian life.


But now that Congress passed the GI Bill with a veto proof majority – George has decided to take credit. Go fuck yourself, you dirty cunt. You’re the worst president in the history of the United States. You can suck on that ‘til you die, you unparalleled failure.

Finally, one of the biggest Asshole Fuckfaces on the face of the Earth, John Stossel.

How awesome are oil companies? John Stossel breaks it down.



The guy who responded in that video was awesome.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a FearTheReaper oil painting portrait.

 

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scylis

scylis

Seattle, WA
November 2004

JUL 06, 2008 01:49 AM

FellOnEarth said:

(Anyone ever figure out what the symbol on the Greatest American Hero's chest represents? And why do his colors match the Nazi Party's?)

[Edit] I just looked it up, I guess it's maybe the Kanji symbol for the word Center in Japanese... WTF???[/Edit]



it's also commonly referred to as "red dragon," based off of the mahjong tile that it appears on. the tile wasn't originally called such, but it commonly had a red dragon on it for flourish, i believe (though i might be mistaken), and thus it got said moniker.

Hollywood and such have adopted it as a symbol for the often fictitious "Red Dragon Triad," though i've heard tell of Asian street gangs here in the US taking the name, too.

abbazappa

abbazappa

Los Osos, CA
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 02:08 AM

I just think it's looking too hard for controversy where none is found. Many websites use filters that either blocks out words (by using a spoiler) or replaces them that some might find offensive so it can cause a mix up. There have been reports that Facebook blocked the name "Gay" by default, asking people to confirm that Gay is their real name in order to stop abuse and the Christian web page did fix the error when it came to their attention. Also isn't it a good thing that even this rag of a "news" site is using the "correct" term instead of derogatory terms such as "gay" and "fag" to describe them (even if they are condescending). The mix up was funny but I am not sure it was "Asshole Fuckface" worthy but it might have been a slow week.

Also being Evangelical/Christians that take it too far and Republican doesn't always equal being Conservative or at least a Classical Conservative since Mr. Conservative (Barry Goldwater) himself hated the Christian movement and evangelicals that tried to take over the GOP and politics and said "I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass."

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 06, 2008 02:18 AM

abbazappa said:
I just think it's looking too hard for controversy where none is found. Many websites use filters that either blocks out words (by using a spoiler) or replaces them that some might find offensive so it can cause a mix up. There have been reports that Facebook blocked the name "Gay" by default, asking people to confirm that Gay is their real name in order to stop abuse and the Christian web page did fix the error when it came to their attention. Also isn't it a good thing that even this rag of a "news" site is using the "correct" term instead of derogatory terms such as "gay" and "fag" to describe them (even if they are condescending). The mix up was funny but I am not sure it was "Asshole Fuckface" worthy but it might have been a slow week.

Also being Evangelical/Christians that take it too far and Republican doesn't always equal being Conservative or at least a Classical Conservative since Mr. Conservative (Barry Goldwater) himself hated the Christian movement and evangelicals that tried to take over the GOP and politics and said "I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass."



No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.

abbazappa

abbazappa

Los Osos, CA
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 02:44 AM

FearTheReaper said:
No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.


I didn't know your friends spoke for the entire gay and lesbian community. I really have no problem with the term gay or homosexual, I just think people are making way to big of a deal out of a filter that made a mistake and pointing out that it really isn't that worthy of being on the list since the mistake was corrected and the article at hand had no agenda (even if the web site it self does).

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 06, 2008 02:57 AM

Well, that's why you don't make the list. You are ignorant.


abbazappa

abbazappa

Los Osos, CA
June 2006

JUL 06, 2008 03:06 AM

FearTheReaper said:
Well, that's why you don't make the list. You are ignorant.


Yup, you are right. Those Christians are trying to lie and make people think Homosexuals are fast Olympic runners. Damn vast right wing conspiracy is at it again.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 06, 2008 04:29 AM

abbazappa said:

FearTheReaper said:
Well, that's why you don't make the list. You are ignorant.


Yup, you are right. Those Christians are trying to lie and make people think Homosexuals are fast Olympic runners. Damn vast right wing conspiracy is at it again.



I have created a new word just for you: Wooshtarded. You not only missed the point, but are also a moron.

Congrats.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

JUL 06, 2008 07:04 AM

abbazappa said:

FearTheReaper said:
No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.


I didn't know your friends spoke for the entire gay and lesbian community. I really have no problem with the term gay or homosexual, I just think people are making way to big of a deal out of a filter that made a mistake and pointing out that it really isn't that worthy of being on the list since the mistake was corrected and the article at hand had no agenda (even if the web site it self does).


Do you even know why that filter exists? It's a clinical word, because the American Family Association thinks that gay people have a disease that can be cured.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

JUL 06, 2008 07:59 AM

FearTheReaper said:

abbazappa said:
I just think it's looking too hard for controversy where none is found. Many websites use filters that either blocks out words (by using a spoiler) or replaces them that some might find offensive so it can cause a mix up. There have been reports that Facebook blocked the name "Gay" by default, asking people to confirm that Gay is their real name in order to stop abuse and the Christian web page did fix the error when it came to their attention. Also isn't it a good thing that even this rag of a "news" site is using the "correct" term instead of derogatory terms such as "gay" and "fag" to describe them (even if they are condescending). The mix up was funny but I am not sure it was "Asshole Fuckface" worthy but it might have been a slow week.

Also being Evangelical/Christians that take it too far and Republican doesn't always equal being Conservative or at least a Classical Conservative since Mr. Conservative (Barry Goldwater) himself hated the Christian movement and evangelicals that tried to take over the GOP and politics and said "I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass."



No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.



"Homosexual" is derogatory? Somebody better tell The Village Voice.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

JUL 06, 2008 08:06 AM

Bill_the_Cat said:

FearTheReaper said:

abbazappa said:
I just think it's looking too hard for controversy where none is found. Many websites use filters that either blocks out words (by using a spoiler) or replaces them that some might find offensive so it can cause a mix up. There have been reports that Facebook blocked the name "Gay" by default, asking people to confirm that Gay is their real name in order to stop abuse and the Christian web page did fix the error when it came to their attention. Also isn't it a good thing that even this rag of a "news" site is using the "correct" term instead of derogatory terms such as "gay" and "fag" to describe them (even if they are condescending). The mix up was funny but I am not sure it was "Asshole Fuckface" worthy but it might have been a slow week.

Also being Evangelical/Christians that take it too far and Republican doesn't always equal being Conservative or at least a Classical Conservative since Mr. Conservative (Barry Goldwater) himself hated the Christian movement and evangelicals that tried to take over the GOP and politics and said "I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass."



No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.



"Homosexual" is derogatory? Somebody better tell The Village Voice.


"most derogatory" does not mean derogatory.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

JUL 06, 2008 08:10 AM

gdarklighter said:

abbazappa said:

FearTheReaper said:
No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.


I didn't know your friends spoke for the entire gay and lesbian community. I really have no problem with the term gay or homosexual, I just think people are making way to big of a deal out of a filter that made a mistake and pointing out that it really isn't that worthy of being on the list since the mistake was corrected and the article at hand had no agenda (even if the web site it self does).


Do you even know why that filter exists? It's a clinical word, because the American Family Association thinks that gay people have a disease that can be cured.



Just because you want to believe that's their intent doesn't make it so. There are several other equally legitimate explanations for why they may have thought the filter was necessary. The more believable reason is probably political correctness. They probably thought that replacing "gay" with "homosexual" would be one way to avoid being accused of bigotry against queers. Obviously they were wrong.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

JUL 06, 2008 08:11 AM

gdarklighter said:

Bill_the_Cat said:

FearTheReaper said:

abbazappa said:
I just think it's looking too hard for controversy where none is found. Many websites use filters that either blocks out words (by using a spoiler) or replaces them that some might find offensive so it can cause a mix up. There have been reports that Facebook blocked the name "Gay" by default, asking people to confirm that Gay is their real name in order to stop abuse and the Christian web page did fix the error when it came to their attention. Also isn't it a good thing that even this rag of a "news" site is using the "correct" term instead of derogatory terms such as "gay" and "fag" to describe them (even if they are condescending). The mix up was funny but I am not sure it was "Asshole Fuckface" worthy but it might have been a slow week.

Also being Evangelical/Christians that take it too far and Republican doesn't always equal being Conservative or at least a Classical Conservative since Mr. Conservative (Barry Goldwater) himself hated the Christian movement and evangelicals that tried to take over the GOP and politics and said "I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass."



No. They are attempting to take a word homosexuals have "taken back" as a term of empowerment. They are seeking to find the most derogatory legitimately used description.

That is according to gay friends. So, once again, you are completely wrong.



"Homosexual" is derogatory? Somebody better tell The Village Voice.


"most derogatory" does not mean derogatory.



Hahahaha! That's a good one. I'll have to remember that. biggrin

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 08:51 AM


Was that supposed to be satire? Because if it was, you're no Jonathan Swift.

Further, reading Christopher Hitchens' God is Not Great may be instructive as well.


Instructive as to what? In polite conversation/debate, one does not simply say, "Here, read this, it proves everything!" If you believe something, make your point yourself instead of hiding behind a book.

Religion is by definition irrational and dangerous and so tolerance of it would be about as wise as tolerance of nazism or fascism (or chrome for that matter- since we are on the topic of over-the-top philosophies).


Source, please.

However, as long as religious people stay indoors I am fine with them breathing.


How magnanimous of you.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Let it also be known that it tears me apart to take abbazappa's side on this.



My flip comments may be weak satire so that may indeed be an apt charge, and I'll have to live with that but...

Where do I begin with this other nonsense? Firstly, how does one defend themselves vis-a-vis "hiding behind a book" when leveled at me by an apologist for wait for it... RELIGION!? haahahahahhahahahah (cough cough, hack hack) hahahahahhahahha.

Secondly, I merely mentioned that the book may be useful to this fellow. He may learn something from it. I am not interested in teaching him anything, but rather, showing him how to teach himself (I feel a Jebus parable in here somewhere).

Lastly, you want a source for my assertion that religion is irrational? Really? Try the religious tomes themselves (e.g.,Deuteronomy 22:13-21). Further, let's just look at the concept: Religions believe "that an invisible man lives in the sky and looks out for them" (Carlin), despite the fact that there has been ZERO empirical evidence to support such a grand theory. Yet they believe it anyway. This is the sine quo non of the crazy, irrational person. Ok?

I gotta go, enjoy your IQ kids! love

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 08:59 AM

mamet said: You're kind of not so bright, huh?



I am not sure a wo/man like you would even be able to discern what constitutes a "bright" person. The tools themselves may not be sharp enough, ya know?

But, maybe you're right, shit, a (recorded/documented/ i.e., provable) 150 IQ may just not spend like it used to...

Lock & load!

P.s. Maybe, as I admitted earlier, the satire wasn't real funny, but I was clearly making fun of something by pretending to agree with it. That is satire, kids. Now it may have fallen flat, I agree, but I certainly know that I tried to go over-the-top in order to make a point. Again, this is --while maybe not the apotheosis of satire-- an honest attempt at satirical scribbling. Ok, Kids, "enjoy your hair" (Hicks) ...


love

ldhablo666

ldhablo666

Aurora, CO
August 2004

JUL 06, 2008 09:09 AM

gdarklighter said:

Do you even know why that filter exists? It's a clinical word, because the American Family Association thinks that gay people have a disease that can be cured.



I was going to make this very point myself. Excellent point. The term's etymology is instructive, but for reactionary twits like (abbazappa) everything only exists 'right now' and thus sans historical context. "Homosexual" is a pejorative because it was meant to describe a pathology, i.e., saying gay people are "sick".

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