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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #47

SATURDAY MAY 24 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, John Hagee, Michael Savage

Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day during which righteous people such as yourself can laugh at and mock the miserable fucks that inhabit our sweet Earth. That’s where I come in. I drag the hideous beasts from their caves and into the light of day, for all to see. It’s not an easy job. Sometimes I sit in a corner and weep for 17 hours straight. Other times I angrily masturbate, while crying tears for the children. So goes the life of an Asshole Fuckface exposer. It’s what my father did and his father before him. It’s the life we Reapers have chosen and we do it with pride. So, go grab your umbrella and cover yourself in thick grease, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some Asshole Fuckface lady keeps saying stupid shit.



Oh, fuck. Can you please stop saying the dumbest shit ever? Or how about if you just refrain from bringing up the assassination of Ted Kennedy’s brother the week he was diagnosed with a horrible brain tumor?

There are only two options with this little verbal gem. Either she thinks she should stick in the race because Obama might be assassinated pretty soon, or she thinks the assassination of Robert Kennedy is a great comparison to her campaign. Either way, she’s an Asshole Fuckface. Maybe later she can go pee on Ted's skull.

Oh, and she’s made this comment before.


TIME: Can you envision a point at which--if the race stays this close--Democratic Party elders would step in and say, "This is now hurting the party and whoever will be the nominee in the fall"?

CLINTON: No, I really can't. I think people have short memories. Primary contests used to last a lot longer. We all remember the great tragedy of Bobby Kennedy being assassinated in June in L.A. My husband didn't wrap up the nomination in 1992 until June. Having a primary contest go through June is nothing particularly unusual.


So, it wasn’t a slip. It was a talking point. Nice.

Next up, another Asshole Fuckface said something while there was a microphone around.

As many people don’t know, John McCain worked very hard to get the endorsement of Pastor John Hagee. He visited Hagee many times and finally the nut was cracked. Hagee gave McCain his Jesus-like endorsement and all was well for John with a few crazy Christians. Then a few liberal bloggers began posting the insane rantings of Hagee, which included blaming gays for Hurricane Katrina. Of course, the media ignored those comments, because a black man in Chicago was saying something bad. McCain did disavow the comments, but not the Pastor - that is until now. It was only a matter of time until someone unearthed an incredibly heinous Hagee speech.



Wow. Someone just made Jeremiah Wright look like a hero. There’s really nothing like saying Hitler killing 6 million Jews was God’s work. Welcome to the Asshole Fuckface hall of fame, creep.

McCain was forced to reject Hagee’s endorsement.


John McCain on Thursday rejected the endorsement of televangelist John Hagee after it was reported that the pastor once argued the Nazis operated on God's behalf to root out Jews in Europe and get them to Palestine.


Nice. That was just too much for John. The “gays caused Hurricane Katrina” shit was totally cool, though.

My next Asshole Fuckface… said something horrible. Go figure.

Michael Savage is the most vile, right wing radio host in America. I would actually have a hard time arguing that he is human. I think he’s more of a physical form of pure hate wrapped in flesh. This week, Savage decided to make fun of Ted Kennedy and his newly diagnosed brain cancer.



Ha ha. Get it? The Dead Kennedys. Ted has a deadly brain tumor. GET IT? Fucking hilarious. And cutting in Arnold’s “It's not a tumor” line is genius.


"As a general rule, at 76, without the ability to do a surgical resection, as kind of a ballpark figure you're probably looking at a survival of less than a year.”


Hee, hee. Isn’t that a hoot?


Glioma is an aggressive form of brain cancer, in which the average survival rate can range from less than one year to about five years. About 20,000 people are diagnosed with this type of cancer, and half die in 18 months.


Giggle, giggle.

How Michael Savage is allowed to speak into anything other than his own shoe is amazing.

Finally, my last Asshole Fuckface may be the worst parent, ever.

Meet Try Sienghym. He’s a Cambodian mechanic who isn’t very good at playing with his son. Apparently, Try was having a good time with his five-year-old in the shop, when he decided to play “tire.”


A Cambodian father and mechanic learned the hard way not to inflate children when he inserted an air hose designed to fill car tires into his 5-year-old son's anus and blew him up.


“Learned the hard way not to inflate children.” Just let that soak in for a minute. Dude actually thought he could inflate his child, like a Road Runner cartoon. Let’s take this picture a bit further. He grabbed his child, and I assume pulled down his pants, then rammed an air hose into his asshole and turned that fucker on. Fun.

Oh, and I think the kid actually is the one who “learned the hard way.”


The paper said the child's stomach became distended and his concerned mother rushed him to hospital, where he remains in a stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery.


For those who don’t know anything about our digestive system, it goes like this: Anus, rectum, colon, the large intestine, the small intestine and then the stomach. (And that’s backwards – stuff is supposed to go the other way) So, Dad blew air all the way through his boy’s digestive system and into his stomach. But, he is sorry.


"The father very much regrets playing like this now," the paper quoted a family member as saying.


I bet. He’s also now the village retard.


Police were not expected to take action against the father, blaming the incident on pure stupidity, against which there is currently no law.


Yes, but he gets something worse. He will forever be known as an Asshole Fuckface.

Congrats to this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You will all receive a FearTheReaper marble statue.

 

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FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

MAY 25, 2008 05:09 AM

tattoonet said:
Broadcasting around the galaxy around the clock for over 20 years = Tattoo

The Dead Kennedys. Ted has a deadly brain tumor. GET IT? Fucking hilarious. And cutting in Arnold's "It's not a tumor" line is genius. You got that right.
It was brilliant radio. You should have heard the whole show. Savage is brilliant.


The Real Ted Kennedy

The Real Ted Kennedy



It's okay. Being human is not for everyone.

Varuka_Salt

Varuka_Salt

I'm lost
October 2006

MAY 25, 2008 05:28 AM

tattoonet said:
Broadcasting around the galaxy around the clock for over 20 years = Tattoo

The Dead Kennedys. Ted has a deadly brain tumor. GET IT? Fucking hilarious. And cutting in Arnold's "It's not a tumor" line is genius. You got that right.
It was brilliant radio. You should have heard the whole show. Savage is brilliant.


The Real Ted Kennedy

The Real Ted Kennedy



Congrats. First person to go on ignore from only one post. Be proud of your accomplishment. Troll.

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Intercourse, PA
January 2006

MAY 25, 2008 05:30 AM

wildswan said:
You left out that Robert F kennedy Jr. Has defended Clinton's remarks:

RFK Jr. Says No One Should Be Offended:



May 23, 2008 10:23 PM
This evening Robert Kennedy Jr., who has endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., cautioned folks not to be offended at Clinton's mention of his father's assassination when discussing why she was staying in the race and how there was precedent for the primaries lasting until June.
In a statement, Kennedy Jr. said: "It is clear from the context that Hillary was invoking a familiar political circumstance in order to support her decision to stay in the race through June. I have heard her make this reference before, also citing her husband's 1992 race, both of which were hard fought through June. I understand how highly charged the atmosphere is, but I think it is a mistake for people to take offense."



But, I guess one misses something like that when one is all frothed up in a ridiculous, superficial circle jerk of non-objectivity, and hypocritical hate.



I'm an Obama supporter, and I don't particularly like Clinton. But I have to say, I think in context, her mention of RFK's assassination is pretty innocuous. I don't feel that there's any invocation of the threat of assassination.

What did bother me about her remarks in the video was the subtext as to why she's being pressured to drop out of the race. She doesn't explicitly state it, but the insinuation is that she is the victim of gender discrimination.

Nolan_Void

Nolan_Void

Salisbury, NC
July 2004

MAY 25, 2008 06:46 AM

Hillary needs to drop out. I know there is all this bullshit talk about "every vote counts" and "I'm staying in until the end" and I get that it is supposed to be about looking strong for women and showing that she's not a quitter for all the people who've worked hard and support her.

But is it not a sign of strength to know when you're beaten? This is not about me worshiping the "Obamessiah" or the "Dhali Bama" as some assholes might say. I just want to pose the question. Isn't a great measure of strength and character showing grace in defeat? How is her dragging this all out and embarrassing herself with all these ludicrous comments doing herself, women, or her supporters in general any kind of favors?

Would it not save her a tremendous amount of face and show that she's still committed to her party if she said "Okay, it is time for us all to get together behind the presumptive nominee so that we can put an end to the futility of bills that won't pass in congress due to a president who will veto everything we try to make happen"? In some ways it seems like this election has become more about winning than actually doing what is best for the people that the candidates are supposed to be supporting.

Despite what Hillary's supporters might think, is she really helping them out by gearing them up to spite-vote for McCain, who would love to see their rights overturned in the Supreme Court? Is she bringing their children home by attempting to weaken Obama further so that McCain can continue this war for a 100 or a 1,000 more years, as he has said on a record that it might?

It's time the lady in the pantsuit does herself a favor, and say "It's over."

defaultx

defaultx

I'm lost
February 2006

MAY 25, 2008 09:30 AM

us and them.



ooo aaa

MisterEnrolled

MisterEnrolled

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

MAY 25, 2008 09:35 AM

defaultx said:
us and them.
ooo aaa

It's not that simple.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

MAY 25, 2008 10:55 AM

RudieCantFail said:

What did bother me about her remarks in the video was the subtext as to why she's being pressured to drop out of the race. She doesn't explicitly state it, but the insinuation is that she is the victim of gender discrimination.



Indeed. That was by far the worst thing. This victimization bullshit has got to stop.

No one was pressuring her to drop out after Iowa. What a fucking load of horse shit. The thing is, she can actually make the argument people have been trying to get her to drop out - but apparently she can't do it without lying. It's pretty amazing to watch.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

MAY 25, 2008 10:58 AM

Nolan_Void said:
Hillary needs to drop out. I know there is all this bullshit talk about "every vote counts" and "I'm staying in until the end" and I get that it is supposed to be about looking strong for women and showing that she's not a quitter for all the people who've worked hard and support her.



Yep. She is doing immense damage every day she remains in the race.


In a banner fundraising year for Democrats, the struggles of the Democratic National Committee to stockpile cash are frustrating party leaders and complicating efforts to define Sen. John McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee....

[A]s of the end of April, the DNC had collected $22.8 million this year and had $4.4 left to spend; the Republican National Committee finished April with $57.6 raised and $40.6 million in its accounts.

DNC supporters say several factors have contributed to the shortfall. Among them, they say, are that the protracted race between Obama and Clinton has soaked up funds that would otherwise go the party committee...

One longtime party strategist familiar with the inner workings of the DNC went further, acknowledging that although raising money is always "a difficult thing during a primary" for the DNC, "there is serious concern about their complete lack of fundraising success."...

A high-ranking DNC official who spoke with The Washington Post on the condition he not be identified because of the sensitivity of the situation said he worries that the party's impaired financial condition is leaving it powerless to help define McCain.

"Both campaigns have expressed a desire for us to attack McCain," the official said. "We made a small media buy. But we simply cannot sustain the kind of advertising we need right now. We can't even sustain even a national cable buy for a month."




link

Hooraydiation

Hooraydiation

Boston, MA
October 2005

MAY 25, 2008 11:05 AM

Hillary: Why I continue to run.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

BY HILLARY CLINTON

Sunday, May 25th 2008, 4:00 AM

This past Friday, during a meeting with a newspaper editorial board, I was asked about whether I was going to continue in the presidential race.

I made clear that I was - and that I thought the urgency to end the 2008 primary process was unprecedented. I pointed out, as I have before, that both my husband's primary campaign, and Sen. Robert Kennedy's, had continued into June.

Almost immediately, some took my comments entirely out of context and interpreted them to mean something completely different - and completely unthinkable.

I want to set the record straight: I was making the simple point that given our history, the length of this year's primary contest is nothing unusual. Both the executive editor of the newspaper where I made the remarks, and Sen. Kennedy's son, Bobby Kennedy Jr., put out statements confirming that this was the clear meaning of my remarks. Bobby stated, "I understand how highly charged the atmosphere is, but I think it is a mistake for people to take offense."

I realize that any reference to that traumatic moment for our nation can be deeply painful - particularly for members of the Kennedy family, who have been in my heart and prayers over this past week. And I expressed regret right away for any pain I caused.

But I was deeply dismayed and disturbed that my comment would be construed in a way that flies in the face of everything I stand for - and everything I am fighting for in this election.

And today, I would like to more fully answer the question I was asked: Why do I continue to run, even in the face of calls from pundits and politicians for me to leave this race?

I am running because I still believe I can win on the merits. Because, with our economy in crisis, our nation at war, the stakes have never been higher - and the need for real leadership has never been greater - and I believe I can provide that leadership.

I am not unaware of the challenges or the odds of my securing the nomination - but this race remains extraordinarily close, and hundreds of thousands of people in upcoming primaries are still waiting to vote. As I have said so many times over the course of this primary, if Sen. Obama wins the nomination, I will support him and work my heart out for him against John McCain. But that has not happened yet.

I am running because I believe staying in this race will help unite the Democratic Party. I believe that if Sen. Obama and I both make our case - and all Democrats have the chance to make their voices heard - in the end, everyone will be more likely to rally around the nominee.

I am running because my parents did not raise me to be a quitter - and too many people still come up to me at my events, grip my arm and urge me not to walk away before this contest is over. More than 17 million Americans have voted for me in this race - the most in presidential primary history.

I am running for all those women in their 90s who've told me they were born before women could vote, and they want to live to see a woman in the White House. For all the women who are energized for the first time, and voting for the first time. For the little girls - and little boys - whose parents lift them onto their shoulders at our rallies, and whisper in their ears, "See, you can be anything you want to be." As the first female candidate in this position, I believe I have a responsibility to finish this race.

I am running for all the men and women I meet who wake up every day and work hard to make a difference for their families. People who deserve a shot at the American Dream - the chance to save for college, a home and retirement; to afford quality health care for their families; to fill the gas tank and buy the groceries with a little left over each month.

I believe I won a 40-point victory two weeks ago in West Virginia and a 35-point victory in Kentucky this past week - despite voters being repeatedly told this race is over - because I'm standing up for them. I'm standing up for the deepest principles of our party and for an America that values the middle class and rewards hard work.

Finally, I am running because I believe I'm the strongest candidate to stand toe-to-toe with Sen. McCain. Delegate math might be complicated - but electoral math is not. Our campaign is winning the popular vote - and we've been winning the swing states we need to get 270 electoral votes and take back the White House: Pennsylvania, Ohio, Arkansas, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Nevada, Michigan, Florida and West Virginia.

But no matter what happens in this primary, I am committed to unifying this party. Ultimately, what Sen. Obama and I share is so much greater than our differences. And I know that if we come together, as a party and a people, there is no challenge we cannot meet, no barrier we cannot break and no dream we cannot realize

lavenir

lavenir

Turlock, CA
June 2007

MAY 25, 2008 11:44 AM

Narghile said:
Do you wonder if Hillary is powerhungry enough to be McCain's veep, tapping even deeper into the white-american fear of a black president?


The way the electoral process is set up, I think that there is no possibility of McCain choosing a Democratic running mate, since that would cripple his chances of winning (even if it was Joe Lieberman--I'm not sure where he stands these days).

But I do suspect that she would be power-hungry enough. The most ridiculous thing about the Democratic race this time around is that Clinton is the most logical choice for Obama's veep, and vice versa, but they've both backed themselves into a corner wherein one can't ask the other without losing face and support.

lavenir

lavenir

Turlock, CA
June 2007

MAY 25, 2008 11:47 AM

tattoonet said:
Broadcasting around the galaxy around the clock for over 20 years = Tattoo

The Dead Kennedys. Ted has a deadly brain tumor. GET IT? Fucking hilarious. And cutting in Arnold's "It's not a tumor" line is genius. You got that right.
It was brilliant radio. You should have heard the whole show. Savage is brilliant.


The Real Ted Kennedy

The Real Ted Kennedy

Yes, many sadistic sociopaths are brilliant. It's that whole shaky genius/madness line. However, I don't want to give Savage too much credit. I think that, at a certain point, too much madness just turns you into a fucking idiot.

defaultx

defaultx

I'm lost
February 2006

MAY 25, 2008 02:07 PM

If eddie izzard or robin williams did a bit on the Ted no one would care.

I would trust savage any day of week over the treacherous clintons or the taliban preacher in texas.

aegies

aegies

Oakland, CA
June 2004

MAY 25, 2008 02:11 PM

defaultx said:
If eddie izzard or robin williams did a bit on the Ted no one would care.

I would trust savage over the treacherous clintons or the taliban preacher in texas any day of week.



That didn't even make sense. Like, at all.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Georgia, USA

MAY 25, 2008 02:13 PM

defaultx said:
If eddie izzard or robin williams did a bit on the Ted no one would care.

I would trust savage any day of week over the treacherous clintons or the taliban preacher in texas.



That's a fucking insult to Eddie Izzard. He uses offensive jokes sometimes, but he has class and wouldn't make fun of a dying man. Jesus.

defaultx

defaultx

I'm lost
February 2006

MAY 25, 2008 02:21 PM

ok george carlin . ARRR!!!

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