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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #47

SATURDAY MAY 24 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: Hillary Clinton, John Hagee, Michael Savage

Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day during which righteous people such as yourself can laugh at and mock the miserable fucks that inhabit our sweet Earth. That’s where I come in. I drag the hideous beasts from their caves and into the light of day, for all to see. It’s not an easy job. Sometimes I sit in a corner and weep for 17 hours straight. Other times I angrily masturbate, while crying tears for the children. So goes the life of an Asshole Fuckface exposer. It’s what my father did and his father before him. It’s the life we Reapers have chosen and we do it with pride. So, go grab your umbrella and cover yourself in thick grease, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some Asshole Fuckface lady keeps saying stupid shit.



Oh, fuck. Can you please stop saying the dumbest shit ever? Or how about if you just refrain from bringing up the assassination of Ted Kennedy’s brother the week he was diagnosed with a horrible brain tumor?

There are only two options with this little verbal gem. Either she thinks she should stick in the race because Obama might be assassinated pretty soon, or she thinks the assassination of Robert Kennedy is a great comparison to her campaign. Either way, she’s an Asshole Fuckface. Maybe later she can go pee on Ted's skull.

Oh, and she’s made this comment before.


TIME: Can you envision a point at which--if the race stays this close--Democratic Party elders would step in and say, "This is now hurting the party and whoever will be the nominee in the fall"?

CLINTON: No, I really can't. I think people have short memories. Primary contests used to last a lot longer. We all remember the great tragedy of Bobby Kennedy being assassinated in June in L.A. My husband didn't wrap up the nomination in 1992 until June. Having a primary contest go through June is nothing particularly unusual.


So, it wasn’t a slip. It was a talking point. Nice.

Next up, another Asshole Fuckface said something while there was a microphone around.

As many people don’t know, John McCain worked very hard to get the endorsement of Pastor John Hagee. He visited Hagee many times and finally the nut was cracked. Hagee gave McCain his Jesus-like endorsement and all was well for John with a few crazy Christians. Then a few liberal bloggers began posting the insane rantings of Hagee, which included blaming gays for Hurricane Katrina. Of course, the media ignored those comments, because a black man in Chicago was saying something bad. McCain did disavow the comments, but not the Pastor - that is until now. It was only a matter of time until someone unearthed an incredibly heinous Hagee speech.



Wow. Someone just made Jeremiah Wright look like a hero. There’s really nothing like saying Hitler killing 6 million Jews was God’s work. Welcome to the Asshole Fuckface hall of fame, creep.

McCain was forced to reject Hagee’s endorsement.


John McCain on Thursday rejected the endorsement of televangelist John Hagee after it was reported that the pastor once argued the Nazis operated on God's behalf to root out Jews in Europe and get them to Palestine.


Nice. That was just too much for John. The “gays caused Hurricane Katrina” shit was totally cool, though.

My next Asshole Fuckface… said something horrible. Go figure.

Michael Savage is the most vile, right wing radio host in America. I would actually have a hard time arguing that he is human. I think he’s more of a physical form of pure hate wrapped in flesh. This week, Savage decided to make fun of Ted Kennedy and his newly diagnosed brain cancer.



Ha ha. Get it? The Dead Kennedys. Ted has a deadly brain tumor. GET IT? Fucking hilarious. And cutting in Arnold’s “It's not a tumor” line is genius.


"As a general rule, at 76, without the ability to do a surgical resection, as kind of a ballpark figure you're probably looking at a survival of less than a year.”


Hee, hee. Isn’t that a hoot?


Glioma is an aggressive form of brain cancer, in which the average survival rate can range from less than one year to about five years. About 20,000 people are diagnosed with this type of cancer, and half die in 18 months.


Giggle, giggle.

How Michael Savage is allowed to speak into anything other than his own shoe is amazing.

Finally, my last Asshole Fuckface may be the worst parent, ever.

Meet Try Sienghym. He’s a Cambodian mechanic who isn’t very good at playing with his son. Apparently, Try was having a good time with his five-year-old in the shop, when he decided to play “tire.”


A Cambodian father and mechanic learned the hard way not to inflate children when he inserted an air hose designed to fill car tires into his 5-year-old son's anus and blew him up.


“Learned the hard way not to inflate children.” Just let that soak in for a minute. Dude actually thought he could inflate his child, like a Road Runner cartoon. Let’s take this picture a bit further. He grabbed his child, and I assume pulled down his pants, then rammed an air hose into his asshole and turned that fucker on. Fun.

Oh, and I think the kid actually is the one who “learned the hard way.”


The paper said the child's stomach became distended and his concerned mother rushed him to hospital, where he remains in a stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery.


For those who don’t know anything about our digestive system, it goes like this: Anus, rectum, colon, the large intestine, the small intestine and then the stomach. (And that’s backwards – stuff is supposed to go the other way) So, Dad blew air all the way through his boy’s digestive system and into his stomach. But, he is sorry.


"The father very much regrets playing like this now," the paper quoted a family member as saying.


I bet. He’s also now the village retard.


Police were not expected to take action against the father, blaming the incident on pure stupidity, against which there is currently no law.


Yes, but he gets something worse. He will forever be known as an Asshole Fuckface.

Congrats to this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You will all receive a FearTheReaper marble statue.

 

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Hooraydiation

Hooraydiation

Boston, MA
October 2005

MAY 24, 2008 11:48 AM

wildswan said:

Perhaps it's indicated in the specific comments he made yesterday:


May 23, 2008 10:23 PM
This evening Robert Kennedy Jr., who has endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., cautioned folks not to be offended at Clinton's mention of his father's assassination when discussing why she was staying in the race and how there was precedent for the primaries lasting until June.
In a statement, Kennedy Jr. said: "It is clear from the context that Hillary was invoking a familiar political circumstance in order to support her decision to stay in the race through June. I have heard her make this reference before, also citing her husband's 1992 race, both of which were hard fought through June. I understand how highly charged the atmosphere is, but I think it is a mistake for people to take offense.





That comment from yesterday is from a Clinton campaign e-mail, apparently.

http://www.politico.com/playbook/

Regardless, this is a really boring conversation. Bye!

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

MAY 24, 2008 11:56 AM

wildswan said:

malkav11 said:
I think there's a teensy weensy bit of difference between changing the tone of political discourse (i.e., the dialogue between politicians), and changing the tone of political discourse *on the internet* (i.e., the dialogue between totally anonymous fuckwads).

And no, I don't think you're *all* fuckwads, but I think we can agree that there are a lot of them on the Internet.



For me, discourse is discourse is discourse. But, I'm aware that many people feel differently.


You don't think it's a little unrealistic to expect Obama to restrain people from being dicks on the internet?

bunky

bunky

Rensselaer, NY
January 2007

MAY 24, 2008 11:57 AM

I quickly skimmed through the comments and am wondering why no one has made any issue out of John Hagee. I sort of feel like the person who drives by an accident and can't resist looking at the carnage because I have a morbid curiosity to listen to his clips even though I find them extremely disturbing.

I haven't listened to either Hillary's or Savage's clips.

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

MAY 24, 2008 12:08 PM

malkav11 said:

wildswan said:

malkav11 said:
I think there's a teensy weensy bit of difference between changing the tone of political discourse (i.e., the dialogue between politicians), and changing the tone of political discourse *on the internet* (i.e., the dialogue between totally anonymous fuckwads).

And no, I don't think you're *all* fuckwads, but I think we can agree that there are a lot of them on the Internet.



For me, discourse is discourse is discourse. But, I'm aware that many people feel differently.


You don't think it's a little unrealistic to expect Obama to restrain people from being dicks on the internet?



Oh, I'm in no way suggesting that. I am surprised that there's not restraint on a personal level. As I see it, it's a little analogous to admiring and backing MLK, and not following his example.

And it's been like a giant echo chamber around here. And if one deigns to tax anyone with a contrary point of view, people get all ridiculously personal.

aegies

aegies

Oakland, CA
June 2004

MAY 24, 2008 12:23 PM

wildswan said:

malkav11 said:

wildswan said:

malkav11 said:
I think there's a teensy weensy bit of difference between changing the tone of political discourse (i.e., the dialogue between politicians), and changing the tone of political discourse *on the internet* (i.e., the dialogue between totally anonymous fuckwads).

And no, I don't think you're *all* fuckwads, but I think we can agree that there are a lot of them on the Internet.



For me, discourse is discourse is discourse. But, I'm aware that many people feel differently.


You don't think it's a little unrealistic to expect Obama to restrain people from being dicks on the internet?



Oh, I'm in no way suggesting that. I am surprised that there's not restraint on a personal level. As I see it, it's a little analogous to admiring and backing MLK, and not following his example.

And it's been like a giant echo chamber around here. And if one deigns to tax anyone with a contrary point of view, people get all ridiculously personal.



I disagree, to an extent. I mean, yes, if you come in supporting a candidate who is unsupportive at best to alternative expressions of sexuality or gender roles (like McCain) or who is actively courting the support of pastors who condemn such activity or, you know, claim the Holocaust as the will of God (like, you know, McCain), then you're going to get spanked. Think about where you are.

As far as your victim act, people go after you because you make unsubstantiated claims, bitch about being called on it, and then play the victim some more. And really. FTR is an asshole. It's what he's here for. I don't have a problem with this, since I'm also frequently an asshole, and I feel like he's a principled asshole. However, you also missed the most amusing part of his dig at you, which sort of defused the animosity.

Personally, I think tempers are high because she's dragging on a mathematically impossible race by constantly trying to manipulate her supporters' understanding of the realities of this contest, as well as constantly moving the goalposts ever since she lost the caucuses she thought she'd win, sealing up the nomination. It's hard to handle someone who constantly distorts, or, well lies about the nature of the race (like the fact that many of the June dem primary contests she mentioned were the result of a schedule that started months later than it did this year, and that her husband had in fact secured the dem nom in March). If you want to have reasonable political discourse, representing hilary clinton is not the way to get there right now.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

MAY 24, 2008 12:33 PM

aegies said:
And really. FTR is an asshole. It's what he's here for.



It's true.

livertarian

livertarian

Fairfax, VA
February 2008

MAY 24, 2008 12:34 PM

bunky said:
I quickly skimmed through the comments and am wondering why no one has made any issue out of John Hagee. I sort of feel like the person who drives by an accident and can't resist looking at the carnage because I have a morbid curiosity to listen to his clips even though I find them extremely disturbing.

I haven't listened to either Hillary's or Savage's clips.



Possibly because the 'disturbed factor' of Hagee's comments are unanimously agreed upon. I checked out all the clips. Hagee takes the prize for most broadly offensive. Interpretations of biblical prophecy provide a bottomless well of racist commentary, for those so inclined to take a stab at it - and profit from it, of course.

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

MAY 24, 2008 12:36 PM

wildswan said:

Oh, I'm in no way suggesting that. I am surprised that there's not restraint on a personal level. As I see it, it's a little analogous to admiring and backing MLK, and not following his example.

And it's been like a giant echo chamber around here. And if one deigns to tax anyone with a contrary point of view, people get all ridiculously personal.



I don't think it's particularly surprising. I admire and support the efforts of a lot of people without necessarily wanting to emulate them personally.

lavenir

lavenir

Turlock, CA
June 2007

MAY 24, 2008 12:38 PM

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
I could be wrong here, but considering that many states held their primaries and caucuses at an earlier date, doesn't that make this June much later in the process than it was for Bill or RFK?

I think so. Clinton mentioned California as being the turning point for her husband, and I voted months ago.

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

MAY 24, 2008 12:38 PM

aegies said:
I disagree, to an extent. I mean, yes, if you come in supporting a candidate who is unsupportive at best to alternative expressions of sexuality or gender roles (like McCain) or who is actively courting the support of pastors who condemn such activity or, you know, claim the Holocaust as the will of God (like, you know, McCain), then you're going to get spanked. Think about where you are.

As far as your victim act, people go after you because you make unsubstantiated claims, bitch about being called on it, and then play the victim some more. And really. FTR is an asshole. It's what he's here for. I don't have a problem with this, since I'm also frequently an asshole, and I feel like he's a principled asshole. However, you also missed the most amusing part of his dig at you, which sort of defused the animosity.

Personally, I think tempers are high because she's dragging on a mathematically impossible race by constantly trying to manipulate her supporters' understanding of the realities of this contest, as well as constantly moving the goalposts ever since she lost the caucuses she thought she'd win, sealing up the nomination. It's hard to handle someone who constantly distorts, or, well lies about the nature of the race (like the fact that many of the June dem primary contests she mentioned were the result of a schedule that started months later than it did this year, and that her husband had in fact secured the dem nom in March). If you want to have reasonable political discourse, representing hilary clinton is not the way to get there right now.





zoom image


I don't take anything around here personally. And I'm certainly no victim.

aegies

aegies

Oakland, CA
June 2004

MAY 24, 2008 12:41 PM

wildswan said:

aegies said:
I disagree, to an extent. I mean, yes, if you come in supporting a candidate who is unsupportive at best to alternative expressions of sexuality or gender roles (like McCain) or who is actively courting the support of pastors who condemn such activity or, you know, claim the Holocaust as the will of God (like, you know, McCain), then you're going to get spanked. Think about where you are.

As far as your victim act, people go after you because you make unsubstantiated claims, bitch about being called on it, and then play the victim some more. And really. FTR is an asshole. It's what he's here for. I don't have a problem with this, since I'm also frequently an asshole, and I feel like he's a principled asshole. However, you also missed the most amusing part of his dig at you, which sort of defused the animosity.

Personally, I think tempers are high because she's dragging on a mathematically impossible race by constantly trying to manipulate her supporters' understanding of the realities of this contest, as well as constantly moving the goalposts ever since she lost the caucuses she thought she'd win, sealing up the nomination. It's hard to handle someone who constantly distorts, or, well lies about the nature of the race (like the fact that many of the June dem primary contests she mentioned were the result of a schedule that started months later than it did this year, and that her husband had in fact secured the dem nom in March). If you want to have reasonable political discourse, representing hilary clinton is not the way to get there right now.





zoom image


I don't take anything around here personally. And I'm certainly no victim.



Yeah. Skeletor = heightened discourse. Really.

Ok. Let's not say victim. Let's say martyr.

livertarian

livertarian

Fairfax, VA
February 2008

MAY 24, 2008 12:43 PM

lavenir said:

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
I could be wrong here, but considering that many states held their primaries and caucuses at an earlier date, doesn't that make this June much later in the process than it was for Bill or RFK?

I think so. Clinton mentioned California as being the turning point for her husband, and I voted months ago.



I think she was trying to make a thin case that "it ain't over til it's over." The primary schedules have changed a lot over the years. June was correct for Cali in '92. As for RFK, I haven't researched whether he was in the lead at the time of his assassination - I might assume he was, as that might have been the catalyst for his murder. Hillary's inference that people should reconsider voting for a potential target is pure desperation.

sitar

sitar

Philadelphia, PA
June 2004

MAY 24, 2008 01:01 PM

if you massage the chest and throat a little first, you can usually get the air to come all the way out the mouth.

tell him to massage the chest and throat next time.

ChrisSick

ChrisSick

Philadelphia, PA
March 2008

MAY 24, 2008 01:57 PM

Clinton seems to have traveled so far off the reservation these days that I find it impossible to get offended by her comments, I think confused, possibly befuddled is a better answer. I doubt Oama's murder is part of anyone's campaign strategy, really, and I don't think Clinton was saying that she's staying in on the hopes that Obama will be killed and then won't we all feel stupid for telling her to get out of the race. If you take her at face value, that she was just making the point that sometimes primaries run long(which is wrong on so many levels, anyway, given the way the primary season has changed and she's more or less lying about when her husband had the nomination) and choose to do it by making a casual reference to an assassination. And then she tries to justify it by saying that it's only because the Kennedys have been on her mind lately? That's why she's casual about one of them losing their life to an assassin's bullet? Really?

Like I said, confused, befuddled, not offended.

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

Redding, CA
December 2005

MAY 24, 2008 02:39 PM

FearTheReaper said:

wildswan said:

FearTheReaper said:

wildswan said:
Try coming up with a more analytical response. Or not. I don't mind either way.

I would like to add that I don't have knee-jerk responses to anything, thank you. I rather like thinking for myself.



I did. Try showing the part in my original post that in any way relates to your first mound of bullshit post.


But, I guess one misses something like that when one is all frothed up in a ridiculous, superficial circle jerk of non-objectivity, and hypocritical hate.



"frothed up?" Please, show me where I was frothed up. Thanks.

"Superficial circle jerk of non-objectivity" - now why would someone respond to that in a "analytic" manner, sweetie?

"Hypocritical hate" - Please let me know how my hate is hypocritical and I will respond. Otherwise, you have just made baseless accusations.




Don't call me sweetie. Ever.

If you can't see what I'm talking about from the very clear statement I made, then my only response is that you just refuse, or you're incapable of doing so.

But maybe you can attack Obama the next time he praises his opponent.

Oh, but way to show civility. It proves so well how well Barack can change the tone and tenor of political discourse.



Sorry, honey.

You should probably put me on ignore, because that's what I'll be doing with you after this post. You are probably my least liked poster on these boards and my tolerance has just run out.


I know, it sucks when someone actually steps up and challenges your viewpoints, and doesn't take crap from you, as opposed to the usual batch of high-fives you get around here. It's complete anarchy. No one should have to tolerate that.

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