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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #45

SATURDAY MAY 10 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

Many people fear Asshole Fuckfaces and spend their lives hiding and cowering from the worst humanity has to offer. That’s where I come in. For centuries, my people have shown a light on the most hideous among us, so that we may know their identity and protect ourselves accordingly. Each week, I scour the Earth looking for the worst of the worst and present them to you, so that you may mock and scorn them, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. So, put on your favorite plastic hoodie and prepare yourself for a dip into Lake Disgusting.

First up, Philadelphia is no stranger to Asshole Fuckacery, but the city of brotherly love managed to reach new lows this week.

Police witnessed a shooting while conducting a drug surveillance operation in the Hunting Park section of Philadelphia. Four men in a car shot at and injured three people standing on a street corner. One of the suspects escaped on foot, while the three others sped away in a car. Police pursued and caught them. That’s when the Asshole Fuckfacery started.



Welcome to the world of cameras! You’re probably going to get to know those guys better in the yard. Oh, and way to make three attempted murderers rich. That’ll teach ‘em.

Thirteen of the cops have been suspended. The beating victims have been charged with assault, conspiracy and reckless endangerment. The beatings occurred two days after a police officer was shot to death during a bank robbery. Hey, maybe next time try therapy.

Next up, South African Asshole Fuckfaces have come up with a way to deal with lesbians.

South Africa is seeing an “alarming rise” in the number of “corrective rapes.” What are “corrective rapes” you ask? Well, get out your barf bag and take a look.


“Corrective rape” is the term used when a man rapes a lesbian woman, believing that the heinous act will somehow make the woman heterosexual.


Well, that’s about as awful a sentence as I have ever read in my life. Apparently the problem is especially acute in the Western Cape area. Corrective rape is mostly taking place in schools and is often a student on student crime. The University of South Africa recently did a study and concluded “schools are unsafe places for many lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgendered learners.”

But the entire country has a serious problem with lesbian rape. Recently a lesbian football player named Eudy Simeland was gang raped, repeatedly stabbed and killed after returning from a night out. Many South African communities also believe it is acceptable for a man for force himself on a woman if she ignores his come-ons.

Remind me never to go to South Africa. Also, remind me not to grow a vagina.

Next up, some soldiers in Iraq doing an awesome job of Asshole Fuckfacery.



Oh, man, how funny is it to kill dogs? Apparently it’s hilarious. Keep up the good work, boys. Shit likes this makes the military look awesome. And by all means – fucking film that shit and put it up on You Tube. Can’t see how that might be a problem.

Next up, there really are no greater Asshole Fuckfaces in the world than the ones who run Burma.

Burma was hit by a cyclone last week and death tolls are estimated up to 100,000. The country is completely devastated. Entire villages have been washed away and people have no food or medicine. It could not be a worse or more horrific situation. Yet, the military government refuses to allow aid workers into the country.


The country's ruling generals continue to block most foreign aid workers from entering the country. They declared they would accept aid from abroad but no aid workers or the logistics equipment to deliver it.


A few planes carrying aid have been allowed into the country – but far fewer than what is needed. The military is only using 7 helicopters to distribute the aid throughout the devastated nation. These Asshole Fuckfaces are simply evil.


The Myanmar Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand, where dozens of aid agencies have congregated as they seek permission to establish a humanitarian relief bridge, was closed today for a holiday. The embassy said it would reopen Monday.


By all means, take a break. You’ve been working hard with all the killing of monks and whatnot.

And the final Asshole Fuckface in video. (It's only a 3:21 video, don't know what happened and I can't fix it)

 

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SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:47 PM

motorfirebox said:

yes, i did chuckle a bit at the dog video. yes, that says some things about certain portions of my mental anatomy. that's part of the reason i take such a dim view of the attitude people are showing towards these soldiers. i feel it's unfair to expect fighting soldiers to have the sensibilities enjoyed by people who work in offices, when it's obvious that the soldiers being derided don't work in offices. it's obvious to me, at least, that these soldiers can't afford to maintain such sensitive mindsets, because doing so would degrade their preparedness.



Far too many soldiers - in my experience - are in that career exactly because they get trained to do this sort of stuff. The lucky ones get to do it to humans. puke

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:51 PM



I love marines. I really do. I think that they are THE most respectful people in the country. I've known so many marines...there's just something in them that cares.

JekyllAndHyde

JekyllAndHyde

Nottingham, MD
April 2005

MAY 10, 2008 06:51 PM

So following motorfirebox's example, the Nazis who took pleasure in forcing Jewish women in concentration camps to have sex with midgets and then tortured and killed both the woman and midget for engaging in "immoral acts" should be given a bit of understanding because hey, some of them had to fight in the hellish battles on the Eastern Front.''

And the perpetrators of the My Lai massacre should get the same treatment. Now, is this escapade with the dog as big as either of those examples? Of course not. But your logic to support their actions is no different.

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:56 PM

SockPuppet said:

motorfirebox said:

yes, i did chuckle a bit at the dog video. yes, that says some things about certain portions of my mental anatomy. that's part of the reason i take such a dim view of the attitude people are showing towards these soldiers. i feel it's unfair to expect fighting soldiers to have the sensibilities enjoyed by people who work in offices, when it's obvious that the soldiers being derided don't work in offices. it's obvious to me, at least, that these soldiers can't afford to maintain such sensitive mindsets, because doing so would degrade their preparedness.



Far too many soldiers - in my experience - are in that career exactly because they get trained to do this sort of stuff. The lucky ones get to do it to humans. puke



I've noticed the same thing. More in the army than in any other branch, I think it's because the army has very lax standard as to who they'll take, as opposed to the Marine Corps (HS diploma required - 16 weeks (?) intensive training to weed out the ones that just want to kill), the Navy (HS Diploma Req, interpersonal skills needed), and the Air Force (HS Diploma req, generally techy-type jobs)....the army will take High school dropouts that can *mostly* read, as long as they can shoot reasonably well.

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

MAY 10, 2008 07:00 PM

SnowgodCCR said:
What if it had been a baby that they blew up?


what if it'd been a cake? what if it'd been a Ford Bronco? what if it'd been a giraffe, but the giraffe was dying already because there aren't enough acacia leaves in Iraq? what if it had been a cat, but the cat was in a box with a vial of poison which may or may not have been completely imaginary and in no way germane to the converastion?

SnowgodCCR said:
Seriously...I'm fully aware that a high-stress environment can mess with your mind, but the kind of people that blow up dogs for fun shouldn't be allowed in our military.


as i've said, i don't believe that they blew the dog up on purpose. it looked to me like the dog wandered over to something that was about to get blown up.

moreover, i don't assume that these soldiers were the type of person who would laugh at an expoding dog when they signed up. my assumption--tenuous, but still just as legitimate as your assumption that they were assholes from the get-go--is that living and fighting as they've done has made indelible marks on their minds. i don't think these soldiers should be derided; i think they should be pitied, and given help.

SockPuppet said:
Far too many soldiers - in my experience - are in that career exactly because they get trained to do this sort of stuff. The lucky ones get to do it to humans.


i'm familiar with the type of person you're talking about. they're not uncommon, but they're hardly representative of the majority of the troops.

my question is, which would you rather have doing that sort of work: someone who is wired in such a way that they don't mind it, and even find it satisfying? or someone who is going to come home and break because they were wired to find it abhorrent? with one, your main concern is simply keeping a leash on the soldier--something that's becoming easier and easier to do as communications tools become smaller and better-integrated. with the other, you've got a ruined person on your hands when the job is done. if the job requires doing, then ruining a person is the price you sometimes have to pay to get it done. but, given the choice, i'd rather use the right tool for the job.

SnowgodCCR said:
....the army will take High school dropouts that can *mostly* read, as long as they can shoot reasonably well.


heh, well, about that 'reasonably well' thing... you'd be shocked at how many recruits get swept through BCT because their drill sgts fudged the shooting scores. that's less likely in units training combat arms soldiers (i assume... or at least i hope), but it's pretty common in non-combat MOS training units.

we3_pirate

we3_pirate

I'm lost
July 2007

MAY 10, 2008 07:03 PM

motorfirebox, I understand that soldiers aren't in polite society. That has nothing to do, though, with blowing up a dog and laughing at it. The kind of people who would do that are the kind of people who would do that in polite society if they thought they could get away with it.

As far as entertainment: last I checked, soldiers patrol in shifts. I know they have to be alert at all times, but they do keep themselves occupied with activities that don't involve shooting people or blowing stuff up, such as sports, cards, reading, even surfing the net.

Even if you swept aside these two points, I would like to reiterate that they were fucking about while doing their jobs. At the very least, they are endangering the lives of their fellow soldiers and numerous civilians by screwing off while working. For me, that's no laughing matter.

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:03 PM

motorfirebox said:

SnowgodCCR said:
What if it had been a baby that they blew up?


what if it'd been a cake? what if it'd been a Ford Bronco? what if it'd been a giraffe, but the giraffe was dying already because there aren't enough acacia leaves in Iraq? what if it had been a cat, but the cat was in a box with a vial of poison which may or may not have been completely imaginary and in no way germane to the converastion?

SnowgodCCR said:
Seriously...I'm fully aware that a high-stress environment can mess with your mind, but the kind of people that blow up dogs for fun shouldn't be allowed in our military.


as i've said, i don't believe that they blew the dog up on purpose. it looked to me like the dog wandered over to something that was about to get blown up.

moreover, i don't assume that these soldiers were the type of person who would laugh at an expoding dog when they signed up. my assumption--tenuous, but still just as legitimate as your assumption that they were assholes from the get-go--is that living and fighting as they've done has made indelible marks on their minds. i don't think these soldiers should be derided; i think they should be pitied, and given help.



Way to lose the point of my baby analogy and edit it from your quote. I was drawing a parallel to something that would be equally as disgusting in polite society as it is in...well, anyplace. And you totally missed the point, because you're busy giggling at a dog getting blown up. Normal people, even normal people under stress, don't blow up harmless and innocent creatures for laughs.

I pity them for being disgusting examples of the human race. War makes people do crazy shit like have flashbacks when they hear a dumpster lid drop, and get DUIs when they get home from trying to deal with the things they have seen and done. War doesn't make people laugh at dogs that get blown up. Besides the fact that they used my fucking tax money to kill some helpless dog for jollies.

Shiny_metal_ass

Shiny_metal_ass

I'm lost
October 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:06 PM

No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:08 PM

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.


The rest of the life that you no longer respect and therefore serve no purpose to?

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:08 PM

motorfirebox said:

SockPuppet said:
Far too many soldiers - in my experience - are in that career exactly because they get trained to do this sort of stuff. The lucky ones get to do it to humans.


i'm familiar with the type of person you're talking about. they're not uncommon, but they're hardly representative of the majority of the troops.

my question is, which would you rather have doing that sort of work: someone who is wired in such a way that they don't mind it, and even find it satisfying? or someone who is going to come home and break because they were wired to find it abhorrent? with one, your main concern is simply keeping a leash on the soldier--something that's becoming easier and easier to do as communications tools become smaller and better-integrated. with the other, you've got a ruined person on your hands when the job is done. if the job requires doing, then ruining a person is the price you sometimes have to pay to get it done. but, given the choice, i'd rather use the right tool for the job.



I think you're moving the goalposts.

You said :


these soldiers' job is to go around shooting people, getting shot at, and trying to not get blown up. that sort of occupation is prone to making minds behave in ways that would not be considered healthy in polite society. but they're not operating in polite society, so cut them some fucking slack.



I'm suggesting that it's not the occupation, but (some of) the people who choose it.

Shiny_metal_ass

Shiny_metal_ass

I'm lost
October 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:11 PM

SnowgodCCR said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.


The rest of the life that you no longer respect and therefore serve no purpose to?


?

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:12 PM

SnowgodCCR said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.


The rest of the life that you no longer respect and therefore serve no purpose to?



I think you're assuming "he" meant human life.

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:14 PM

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:

SnowgodCCR said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.


The rest of the life that you no longer respect and therefore serve no purpose to?


?



Not real you... the hypothetical you in your anecdote that became a worthless lump of matter from laughing at dogs blowing up.

Shiny_metal_ass

Shiny_metal_ass

I'm lost
October 2006

MAY 10, 2008 07:17 PM

SnowgodCCR said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:

SnowgodCCR said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.


The rest of the life that you no longer respect and therefore serve no purpose to?


?



Not real you... the hypothetical you in your anecdote that became a worthless lump of matter from laughing at dogs blowing up.


I think I get you. Basically, if I somehow got to the point that I thought exploding animals was in any way funny, then, yeah, I would be a pretty worthless (and very probably dangerous) person.

strndniowa

strndniowa

Grimes, IA
May 2007

MAY 10, 2008 07:19 PM

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:

SnowgodCCR said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
No, I don't have a support our troops ribbon on my car. Never did, never will.

I don't give a shit if they intentionally blew up the dog or it just stepped on a mine or something. The reaction of the soldiers was thoroughly disgusting, I don't give a shit what their situation was. If my mindset was ever to the point where something as fucking sick as that would seem funny to me, I would hope someone would put a bullet in my head, because I no longer deserve to share oxygen with the rest of the life on the planet.


The rest of the life that you no longer respect and therefore serve no purpose to?


?



Lost me there, too- never mind- found again smile

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