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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #45

SATURDAY MAY 10 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

Many people fear Asshole Fuckfaces and spend their lives hiding and cowering from the worst humanity has to offer. That’s where I come in. For centuries, my people have shown a light on the most hideous among us, so that we may know their identity and protect ourselves accordingly. Each week, I scour the Earth looking for the worst of the worst and present them to you, so that you may mock and scorn them, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. So, put on your favorite plastic hoodie and prepare yourself for a dip into Lake Disgusting.

First up, Philadelphia is no stranger to Asshole Fuckacery, but the city of brotherly love managed to reach new lows this week.

Police witnessed a shooting while conducting a drug surveillance operation in the Hunting Park section of Philadelphia. Four men in a car shot at and injured three people standing on a street corner. One of the suspects escaped on foot, while the three others sped away in a car. Police pursued and caught them. That’s when the Asshole Fuckfacery started.



Welcome to the world of cameras! You’re probably going to get to know those guys better in the yard. Oh, and way to make three attempted murderers rich. That’ll teach ‘em.

Thirteen of the cops have been suspended. The beating victims have been charged with assault, conspiracy and reckless endangerment. The beatings occurred two days after a police officer was shot to death during a bank robbery. Hey, maybe next time try therapy.

Next up, South African Asshole Fuckfaces have come up with a way to deal with lesbians.

South Africa is seeing an “alarming rise” in the number of “corrective rapes.” What are “corrective rapes” you ask? Well, get out your barf bag and take a look.


“Corrective rape” is the term used when a man rapes a lesbian woman, believing that the heinous act will somehow make the woman heterosexual.


Well, that’s about as awful a sentence as I have ever read in my life. Apparently the problem is especially acute in the Western Cape area. Corrective rape is mostly taking place in schools and is often a student on student crime. The University of South Africa recently did a study and concluded “schools are unsafe places for many lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgendered learners.”

But the entire country has a serious problem with lesbian rape. Recently a lesbian football player named Eudy Simeland was gang raped, repeatedly stabbed and killed after returning from a night out. Many South African communities also believe it is acceptable for a man for force himself on a woman if she ignores his come-ons.

Remind me never to go to South Africa. Also, remind me not to grow a vagina.

Next up, some soldiers in Iraq doing an awesome job of Asshole Fuckfacery.



Oh, man, how funny is it to kill dogs? Apparently it’s hilarious. Keep up the good work, boys. Shit likes this makes the military look awesome. And by all means – fucking film that shit and put it up on You Tube. Can’t see how that might be a problem.

Next up, there really are no greater Asshole Fuckfaces in the world than the ones who run Burma.

Burma was hit by a cyclone last week and death tolls are estimated up to 100,000. The country is completely devastated. Entire villages have been washed away and people have no food or medicine. It could not be a worse or more horrific situation. Yet, the military government refuses to allow aid workers into the country.


The country's ruling generals continue to block most foreign aid workers from entering the country. They declared they would accept aid from abroad but no aid workers or the logistics equipment to deliver it.


A few planes carrying aid have been allowed into the country – but far fewer than what is needed. The military is only using 7 helicopters to distribute the aid throughout the devastated nation. These Asshole Fuckfaces are simply evil.


The Myanmar Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand, where dozens of aid agencies have congregated as they seek permission to establish a humanitarian relief bridge, was closed today for a holiday. The embassy said it would reopen Monday.


By all means, take a break. You’ve been working hard with all the killing of monks and whatnot.

And the final Asshole Fuckface in video. (It's only a 3:21 video, don't know what happened and I can't fix it)

 

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Hunkpapa

Hunkpapa

United Kingdom
June 2004

MAY 10, 2008 05:50 PM

motorfirebox said:
you laugh at a dog getting blown up because it's funny;



I don't, because it's not.

mamet

mamet

Charleston, SC
March 2005

MAY 10, 2008 05:58 PM

motorfirebox said:
you laugh at a dog getting blown up because it's funny;



Sure, if you're a sociopath. There might be "more important things" in the world than the death of one dog, but that doesn't make this any less odious and worthy of disdain. Personally, I find that I can care about more than one issue at a time, and just because this bothers me doesn't mean I care any less about any larger-scale problems in the world. Anyone who possesses such a callous disregard for another living being is no one I respect.



motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

MAY 10, 2008 06:02 PM

coyotemike said:
And finding either of them as enjoyable or funny is the sign of a fucking sick mind.


yes, that's quite true. in the case of the soldiers, however, much of that sickness can likely be attributed to external factors drawn from a list that includes the following: shooting people, being shot at, watching friends get blown up, almost getting blown up oneself, spouse/family issues brought on by being gone for a year or more, and too many MREs.

"support the troops" means more than just saying "i support the troops". it doesn't mean you should approve of their actions when they laugh at an exploding dog (for instance), but it does mean that your response should be a little more deeper and thoughtful than "OMG U SOLDIERS R SICK FUCKS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU". show some compassion for guys who are in such a terrible place that an exploding dog seems funny by comparison.

coyotemike

coyotemike

Tuvalu
May 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:04 PM

motorfirebox said:

coyotemike said:
And finding either of them as enjoyable or funny is the sign of a fucking sick mind.


yes, that's quite true. in the case of the soldiers, however, much of that sickness can likely be attributed to external factors drawn from a list that includes the following: shooting people, being shot at, watching friends get blown up, almost getting blown up oneself, spouse/family issues brought on by being gone for a year or more, and too many MREs.

"support the troops" means more than just saying "i support the troops". it doesn't mean you should approve of their actions when they laugh at an exploding dog (for instance), but it does mean that your response should be a little more deeper and thoughtful than "OMG U SOLDIERS R SICK FUCKS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU". show some fucking compassion for guys who are in such a terrible place that an exploding dog seems funny by comparison.



I wasn't talking about the soldiers.

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

MAY 10, 2008 06:09 PM

er, yes, you were. the soldiers found the exploding dog funny. you said finding that sort of thing funny is the sign of a 'fucking sick mind'. if you meant for there to be some sort of exception, you probably should have said as much, man.

Shiny_metal_ass

Shiny_metal_ass

I'm lost
October 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:14 PM

Finding an exploding dog funny makes you a sick fuck. I don't give a rats ass what your situation is. Fuck them and anyone else who thinks that's funny or in any way excusable.

robot

coyotemike

coyotemike

Tuvalu
May 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:15 PM

coyotemike said:

motorfirebox said:
as far as RudieCantFail's point about torturing animals, there's a huge, huge difference between laughing at the Wile E. Coyote-like demise of some random dog, and deriving enjoyment from purposefully and methodically causing pain to an animal you've captured. for one, they involve completely different types of enjoyment--you laugh at a dog getting blown up because it's funny; you torture animals because it satisfies a desire.




And finding either of them as enjoyable or funny is the sign of a fucking sick mind.



Requoted for clarity

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

MAY 10, 2008 06:16 PM

but at least you've got a magnetic yellow ribbon on your car, right? that's how a real american supports the troops! good job buddy!

coyotemike, i would like to discuss the point you're trying to make, because based on past discussions with you i feel fairly certain it will be an intelligent and interesting one. but either i'm stupid or you're being overly obscure, because i don't know what point you're trying to make. at this point, i'm really not ruling out either possibility.

coyotemike

coyotemike

Tuvalu
May 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:16 PM

motorfirebox said:
er, yes, you were. the soldiers found the exploding dog funny. you said finding that sort of thing funny is the sign of a 'fucking sick mind'. if you meant for there to be some sort of exception, you probably should have said as much, man.



WOOSH

--you laugh at a dog getting blown up because it's funny;



You do realize when you write something like this that it implies that you, as the writer, would be doing the same thing, i.e. laughing at a dog being blown up because you think it is funny.

That is what I was directing my comment towards.

coyotemike

coyotemike

Tuvalu
May 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:17 PM

motorfirebox said:
but at least you've got a magnetic yellow ribbon on your car, right? that's how a real american supports the troops! good job buddy!



Is this supposed to be towards me?

we3_pirate

we3_pirate

I'm lost
July 2007

MAY 10, 2008 06:19 PM

motorfirebox said:
you laugh at a dog getting blown up because it's funny; you torture animals because it satisfies a desire.



I know right? I watch dogs getting blown up all the time, it's fucking LOL worthy shit right there. Seeing gobs of ketchupy goo everywhere, maybe the occasional eyeball or tooth, charred bones. HI-LARIOUS!

+A billion bonus points to those soldiers for fucking off on the job, too. It's not like they're over there trying to prevent unnecessary death or destruction in Iraq, right?

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

MAY 10, 2008 06:24 PM

damn, instaposted to hell and back.

no, the magnetic ribbon line was directed at Shiny Metal Ass.

yes, i did chuckle a bit at the dog video. yes, that says some things about certain portions of my mental anatomy. that's part of the reason i take such a dim view of the attitude people are showing towards these soldiers. i feel it's unfair to expect fighting soldiers to have the sensibilities enjoyed by people who work in offices, when it's obvious that the soldiers being derided don't work in offices. it's obvious to me, at least, that these soldiers can't afford to maintain such sensitive mindsets, because doing so would degrade their preparedness.

we3 pirate said:
I know right? I watch dogs getting blown up all the time, it's fucking LOL worthy shit right there. Seeing gobs of ketchupy goo everywhere, maybe the occasional eyeball or tooth, charred bones. HI-LARIOUS!


how funny you find that sort of thing frequently depends on how often you're exposed to it, and under what circumstances. sometimes, being able to laugh is the difference between being able to do your job and simply cracking under the strain. in such circumstances, you laugh at what's available to be laughed at. sometimes, that bothers people. well, war is pretty bothersome.

these soldiers' job is to go around shooting people, getting shot at, and trying to not get blown up. that sort of occupation is prone to making minds behave in ways that would not be considered healthy in polite society. but they're not operating in polite society, so cut them some fucking slack.

goatinamoat

goatinamoat

New York, NY
March 2006
SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

MAY 10, 2008 06:43 PM

motorfirebox said:
damn, instaposted to hell and back.

no, the magnetic ribbon line was directed at Shiny Metal Ass.

yes, i did chuckle a bit at the dog video. yes, that says some things about certain portions of my mental anatomy. that's part of the reason i take such a dim view of the attitude people are showing towards these soldiers. i feel it's unfair to expect fighting soldiers to have the sensibilities enjoyed by people who work in offices, when it's obvious that the soldiers being derided don't work in offices. it's obvious to me, at least, that these soldiers can't afford to maintain such sensitive mindsets, because doing so would degrade their preparedness.

we3 pirate said:
I know right? I watch dogs getting blown up all the time, it's fucking LOL worthy shit right there. Seeing gobs of ketchupy goo everywhere, maybe the occasional eyeball or tooth, charred bones. HI-LARIOUS!


how funny you find that sort of thing frequently depends on how often you're exposed to it, and under what circumstances. sometimes, being able to laugh is the difference between being able to do your job and simply cracking under the strain. in such circumstances, you laugh at what's available to be laughed at. sometimes, that bothers people. well, war is pretty bothersome.

these soldiers' job is to go around shooting people, getting shot at, and trying to not get blown up. that sort of occupation is prone to making minds behave in ways that would not be considered healthy in polite society. but they're not operating in polite society, so cut them some fucking slack.




I'll cut them some fucking slack in the sense that I don't raise an eyebrow when they can't refrain from swearing constantly. I'll cut them some fucking slack when they use the wrong fork because they've been eating MREs for months. I'll cut them some fucking slack when they develop a drinking problem. I will NEVER cut them some fucking slack for doing something unnecessary and cruel. What if it had been a baby that they blew up? That would be fucking hilarious, because it was a total stranger that got blown up, not one of their buddies. Seriously...I'm fully aware that a high-stress environment can mess with your mind, but the kind of people that blow up dogs for fun shouldn't be allowed in our military.
The fact that they have to deal with life and death on a daily basis would lead one to believe that they would have more respect for life in all it's various forms. There is a difference between being desensitized to death and violence and getting joy out of it.

strndniowa

strndniowa

Grimes, IA
May 2007

MAY 10, 2008 06:43 PM

willam9 said:

strndniowa said:
Refusing aid when your country has sustained damage like that is pretty dumb...methinks they are concerned about the wrong things...
(off subject question-was any aid offered to the U.S. after Katrina?)



i do believe cuba offered and we said no thanks...



Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to...disgusting...does this mean Bush makes the AF roundup, in, well, a roundabout way..again?
And the gulf coast is still a mess...this much later...

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