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Asshole Fuckface Roundup #45
SATURDAY MAY 10 2008 6:00 AM
Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.
Many people fear Asshole Fuckfaces and spend their lives hiding and cowering from the worst humanity has to offer. That’s where I come in. For centuries, my people have shown a light on the most hideous among us, so that we may know their identity and protect ourselves accordingly. Each week, I scour the Earth looking for the worst of the worst and present them to you, so that you may mock and scorn them, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. So, put on your favorite plastic hoodie and prepare yourself for a dip into Lake Disgusting.
First up, Philadelphia is no stranger to Asshole Fuckacery, but the city of brotherly love managed to reach new lows this week.
Police witnessed a shooting while conducting a drug surveillance operation in the Hunting Park section of Philadelphia. Four men in a car shot at and injured three people standing on a street corner. One of the suspects escaped on foot, while the three others sped away in a car. Police pursued and caught them. That’s when the Asshole Fuckfacery started.
Welcome to the world of cameras! You’re probably going to get to know those guys better in the yard. Oh, and way to make three attempted murderers rich. That’ll teach ‘em.
Thirteen of the cops have been suspended. The beating victims have been charged with assault, conspiracy and reckless endangerment. The beatings occurred two days after a police officer was shot to death during a bank robbery. Hey, maybe next time try therapy.
Next up, South African Asshole Fuckfaces have come up with a way to deal with lesbians.
South Africa is seeing an “alarming rise” in the number of “corrective rapes.” What are “corrective rapes” you ask? Well, get out your barf bag and take a look.
“Corrective rape” is the term used when a man rapes a lesbian woman, believing that the heinous act will somehow make the woman heterosexual.
Well, that’s about as awful a sentence as I have ever read in my life. Apparently the problem is especially acute in the Western Cape area. Corrective rape is mostly taking place in schools and is often a student on student crime. The University of South Africa recently did a study and concluded “schools are unsafe places for many lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgendered learners.”
But the entire country has a serious problem with lesbian rape. Recently a lesbian football player named Eudy Simeland was gang raped, repeatedly stabbed and killed after returning from a night out. Many South African communities also believe it is acceptable for a man for force himself on a woman if she ignores his come-ons.
Remind me never to go to South Africa. Also, remind me not to grow a vagina.
Next up, some soldiers in Iraq doing an awesome job of Asshole Fuckfacery.
Oh, man, how funny is it to kill dogs? Apparently it’s hilarious. Keep up the good work, boys. Shit likes this makes the military look awesome. And by all means – fucking film that shit and put it up on You Tube. Can’t see how that might be a problem.
Next up, there really are no greater Asshole Fuckfaces in the world than the ones who run Burma.
Burma was hit by a cyclone last week and death tolls are estimated up to 100,000. The country is completely devastated. Entire villages have been washed away and people have no food or medicine. It could not be a worse or more horrific situation. Yet, the military government refuses to allow aid workers into the country.
The country's ruling generals continue to block most foreign aid workers from entering the country. They declared they would accept aid from abroad but no aid workers or the logistics equipment to deliver it.
A few planes carrying aid have been allowed into the country – but far fewer than what is needed. The military is only using 7 helicopters to distribute the aid throughout the devastated nation. These Asshole Fuckfaces are simply evil.
The Myanmar Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand, where dozens of aid agencies have congregated as they seek permission to establish a humanitarian relief bridge, was closed today for a holiday. The embassy said it would reopen Monday.
By all means, take a break. You’ve been working hard with all the killing of monks and whatnot.
And the final Asshole Fuckface in video. (It's only a 3:21 video, don't know what happened and I can't fix it)
159 Comments
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pagnaet
Amarillo, TX
March 2005
MAY 10, 2008 04:36 PM
RudieCantFail
Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006
MAY 10, 2008 04:40 PM
SergeantPsycho
Hampton, VA
January 2007
MAY 10, 2008 04:49 PM
strndniowa
Grimes, IA
May 2007
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bald_eagle
Indianapolis, IN
November 2006
MAY 10, 2008 05:03 PM
strndniowa
Grimes, IA
May 2007
MAY 10, 2008 05:18 PM
Shiny_metal_ass
I'm lost
October 2006
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coyotemike
Tuvalu
May 2006
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willam9
Philadelphia, PA
January 2008
MAY 10, 2008 05:28 PM
willam9
Philadelphia, PA
January 2008
MAY 10, 2008 05:32 PM
RudieCantFail
Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006
MAY 10, 2008 05:38 PM
SockPuppet
I'm lost
July 2006
MAY 10, 2008 05:40 PM
RudieCantFail
Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006
MAY 10, 2008 05:45 PM
ckdexterhaven
Redding, CA
December 2005
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attn_ho
Brooklyn, NY
February 2004
MAY 10, 2008 05:50 PM
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