Asshole Fuckfacery is very important. It gives us something to look down upon, so that we may feel better about ourselves. There would actually be no point of living without Asshole Fuckfaces crawling about the Earth. Though we may want to kill them or make them suffer, they do serve a purpose, like flies or rats. So, throw on the nearest plastic tarp and prepare yourself for the filthiest human beings of the week.

First up, a right wing Asshole Fuckface. Who would have thought?

Larry Niven is an author, a conservative and horrible human being, which means he has awesome ideas. His latest gem is a fantastic way to bring down hospital costs.

Great idea. You know what’s really cheap? An infectious virus spreading through a city because people were too scared to get treatment. It’s also inexpensive to pay for someone who didn’t get treatment for a simple infection, which allowed it to spread throughout their body and forced them into the local Intensive Care Unit. The ICU is so much cheaper! And on and on.

Any fucking moron who knows how to use Google can learn that immigrants aren't the problem when it comes to hospital costs. But conservative Asshole Fuckfaces like Niven are repelled by knowledge and the truth.

My next Asshole Fuckface makes purses and likes to sue people.

Artist Nadia Plesner began a campaign to raise awareness of the genocide occurring in Darfur last year. She designed and began selling posters and t-shirts of a Darfur victim holding a Louis Vuitton bag. All the profits went directly to charity. Apparently, Louis wasn’t pleased.

Yeah, fuck those genocide victims. Make them pay and make anyone who tries to help them suffer.

Fuck off, creep. That's a Louis Vuitton purse.

Well, good move Louis Vuitton. Your Asshole Fuckface reaction has gotten more attention than if you’d just ignored it. Too bad your purses are priced so high it makes them a symbol of everything that is wrong with the world. But, thank God you are doing what you can to stop someone aiding genocide victims. Pat yourself on the back, you awesome company, it’s got to feel good.

My next Asshole Fuckface won the greatest prize known to man and then fell as far as one can fall.

In 1993, Anthony Francis Morley won the Mr. Gay UK contest and spent the year opening “gay events and nights.” That is obviously a dream gig. To say I’m jealous would be an understatement. But life at the top isn’t easy because someday you have to give up your gay crown and move on. Anthony’s fall seems to be a massive drop. He went from Mr. Gay UK to cannibal. Beat that Tom Sizemore.

On April 24th, Anthony murdered Damian Oldfield, a man who worked for the Mr. Gay UK competition. But he wasn’t finished at killing.

Oh, my. Well, maybe he was really into that guy. It's only a matter of time before the right wing picks up this story and starts telling everyone that all gay men want to eat dudes. Literally, not....never mind.

My next Asshole Fuckface was immediately entered into the Asshole Fuckface Hall of Fame.

Meet Josef Fritzl. He’s your typical 73-year-old dude, who locks up his daughter in the basement for 24 years and rapes her over and over and over.

That’s some serious, serious, serious Asshole Fuckfacery.

The cops found out about the 24-year imprisonment and incestuous rape when Josef let his daughter, Elizabeth, go to the hospital because one of his daughters/granddaughters was seriously ill. How so very kind. He actually didn’t let her die AND he let his daughter/fuck puppet go visit. The 19-year-old daughter/granddaughter is still hospitalized.

Josef impregnated his daughter seven times over her years in captivity. One child died and six lucky ones survived. Three boys and three girls. Three of the kids, ages, 19, 18, and 5, never left the basement. The other three were taken and given up for “adoption” – which in some cases meant they were raised as “foster children” by Josef and his wife. The wife claims she did not know of Elizabeth’s imprisonment.

Twenty four years ago, Josef claimed Elizabeth had joined a religious cult. She was considered missing and Interpol opened a file on her disappearance. Too bad they didn’t check the cellar.

What a fucking demon.

Finally, a video Asshole Fuckface report from the wild world of animals.



No congratulations are in order this week because of Joe the Austrian.