Welcome to the first ever Asshole Fuckface Roundup. It’s never been done before and I’m a bit nervous. I’ve scoured the week’s news and located the worst people on Earth. Now, I will unveil them for you to sneer at. How will it go? Who knows? Will the judged seek me out and murder me? Odds are high. Yet, I must do this, as God has chosen me. So, wrap yourself in a thick malleable polymer and let’s get started.

First up, the horrible Asshole Fuckfaces of the Himalayas.

In early May, the Olympic flame is scheduled to be carried to the top of Mount Everest. The poor Olympic flame has had a rough trip around the world. Everywhere the flame goes, protesters come out in force to convey their anger at China for the violent crackdown in Tibet. But Nepal has come up with a great way to halt any protests that may occur on Mount Everest: Just kill ‘em.

Well, that should do it. And may I add, that is some strong Olympic spirit.

They should use guys from the Chinese Double Trap Olympic team to kill the horrible protesters. That way, they can get some shooting practice while doing something awesome for their country.

Also, climbers cannot go above 6,400 meters between May 1st and May 10th. So, it’s a great time to climb nearly to the top of Everest, only to be stopped by armed Asshole Fuckfaces because some idiots want fire to make some empty achievement.

Next up, some horrible Asshole Fuckfacery happened in the Netherlands. Words cannot do this justice.



Dear Dutch people, why is everyone enjoying the creepy man licking and stroking that boy? Please let me know what might be too far and understand if I don’t take my son to Holland. And how jealous is Michael Jackson right now?

Next up, some Asshole Fuckface bondage.

A Tennessee couple was going through a rocky period in their marriage. Rebecca Bargy was stepping out on her man James. Over the past few months, she had engaged in several affairs and spent two nights last week screwing another dude in a hotel.

With a wife banging other dudes and spending nights away from home, it’s probably not too smart to let her tie you up and ball gag you.

Now that is domination. James died of asphyxiation. Now word on whether or not he came.

Rebecca claims it was an accident and that James requested to be bound and gagged and then left for 20 hours to enjoy the shit out of it. But Police believe Rebecca was screwing a man at a hotel while James slowly died. Although, she did stop in at one point to say hi to James. I’m sure that was a nice, tender moment.

It’s been a good week for gay hating Asshole Fuckfaces around the world.

It’s hard to pick who is the bigger Asshole Fuckface, Bahrain or Singapore.The hit Singapore home renovation show, Find and Design, ran into a little trouble this week when a homosexual couple was featured. The show included footage of the couple and their child living their normal lives. The Media Development Authority was not pleased.

Right. Please don't normalize the freaks. I guess he should have mocked them and maybe slapped them a few times during the renovation. Remind me not to visit Singapore.

The Asshole Fuckfacery in Bahrain makes Singapore look like San Francisco. The Bahrain Parliament has decided to do something about the country’s homosexual problem.

I believe that’s called a “witch hunt.” Some of the fun tactics will include a survey to determine how many gays and lesbians are running around Bahrain. That should be interesting.

Do you have a penis? Yes or No.

Do you like to rub your penis against other peni? Yes or no?

Have you ever had a buddy-to-buddy cock rub party? Yes or no?

The Parliament also demanded that the Interior Ministry ban all gay foreigners from getting residence permits. And there will be more surprise inspections of massage parlors and hair salons. The government believes those are the two places homosexuals hang out.

Word. I can’t get a haircut without falling into some dude's asshole.

Best of all, teachers will be trained to ferret out gay kids.

Well, I already spend 16 hours a day watching children for signs of homosexuality, so maybe I should go get a teaching job in Bahrain. Seriously though, if anyone sees a child playing hairdresser or sodomy, please tell the principal.

Finally, the first FearTheReaper video Asshole Fuckface story.



Consider yourself blessed.

FearTheReaper would like to congratulate all of this week’s Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a bottle of FearTheReaper multi-vitamins.