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PETA: Creeping Me Out More

TUESDAY APRIL 22 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: PETA, In Vitro Meat

Oh PETA, why so crazy? There is a way to fight for the rights of animals without sometimes looking like complete and total lunatics. In this latest episode of PETA creepiness, they want someone to make Frankenmeat.

The organization said it would announce plans on Monday for a $1 million prize to the �first person to come up with a method to produce commercially viable quantities of in vitro meat at competitive prices by 2012.�

Mmmm, daddy wants a big tub of meat. I�m trying to think of a type of food I�d rather eat less than meat created in a test tube and I�m at a loss. This also shows a total lack of understanding of meat eaters. Meat eaters aren�t creepy, bloodthirsty psychos; they just like meat and they don't care that animals have to die for their nourishment.

I can�t even begin to understand what PETA thinks they are going to accomplish with their in vitro meat contest. Wasting one million dollars is amazing, even for them � and it seems a bit off target. PETA's slogan is "animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment." So, I guess they think if they create some awesome fake meat in a lab, they will save animals. FAIL. Huge fail. Spectacular fail.

The decision is actually causing a PETA civil war. Soon the group may break into PFMPETA (Pro Fake Meat PETA) and AFMPETA (Against Fake Meat PETA). I guess some PETA members are not as crazy as I thought.

But, Ms. Newkirk said, the decision to sponsor a prize caused �a near civil war in our office,� since so many PETA members are repulsed by the thought of eating animal tissue, even if no animals are killed.

Lisa Lange, a vice president of the organization, said she was part of the heated exchange. �My main concern is, as the largest animal rights organization in the world, it�s our job to introduce the philosophy and hammer it home that animals are not ours to eat.� Ms. Lange added, �I remember saying I would be much more comfortable promoting eating roadkill.�

Let me re-phrase that. I guess some PETA members are crazier than I thought. Also, I don�t want to live in the world where one has to choose between eating roadkill or in vitro meat. Can�t I just have a banana?

If you are interested in the million dollars, you have to create laboratory chicken and sell it to the public by June 30, 2012. (Hi, arbitrary fake meat date.) The winner must also do the following:

� Produce an in vitro chicken-meat product that has a taste and texture indistinguishable from real chicken flesh to non-meat-eaters and meat-eaters alike.
� Manufacture the approved product in large enough quantities to be sold commercially, and successfully sell it at a competitive price in at least 10 states.

Why would non-meat eaters care about the taste and texture of chicken? Why not make a realistic lab vagina that feels natural for gay men? Actually, that�s a good idea. I�m offering one million for lab-grown vaginas � and I want them created in bulk and sold at competitive rates to real vaginas in 17 states.

I am no fan of meat. Beef farms are the worst things on the face of the Earth for the environment. The volume of waste they produce and the amount of water consumed is astounding. The beef produced is full of hormones and toxins. But the solution is not lab meat - I actually find that less appealing than toxin filled meat. The solution is to not eat meat.

I am horrified by the idea of giant labs pumping out huge slabs of juicy, fake meat. It is a future I want no part of. I will do everything in my power to free the slave meat, if that day ever comes. Please join FIVSMOD (Free In Vitro Slave Meat Or Die) before it is too late.

188 Comments

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666Irish

Sykesville, MD

August 2004

APR 27, 2008 03:31 PM

Bio-chemically engineered meat? No thank you. I'll stick with good old fashioned dead cow.

binaryZen

Cicero, IL

January 2008

APR 27, 2008 05:33 PM

Isn't gyros meat the answer to what PETA is looking for? If I'm not mistaken, that is grown directly on the specialized greasy spoon upright bio-rotisserie.

If it were possible to create a reasonable substitute for meat in a lab, you'd think it'd also be possible to create a more reasonable substitute for cheese than Velveeta, or a more reasonable substitute for Nick Nolte than Gary Busey.

Ok, I'm done being dumb for now.

- bz

LSlice

Montclair, NJ

December 2007

MAY 01, 2008 12:30 AM

I think it's a good idea. This actually could be revolutionary technology.

ultan42

I'm lost

January 2008

MAY 01, 2008 03:05 AM

Sinnah

SUICIDEGIRL

France

MAY 02, 2008 01:28 AM

fake meat....
do these person know about tofu ?
It's their right not to eat meat, to be disguted by it, but FAKE meat ???
I think it's worse than eating all te rest of the meat they put in the lowest prices steaks...

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA

March 2004

MAY 02, 2008 01:33 AM

i dunno. i eat tofu regularly; with the right recipe, it can be quite tasty, even meat-like. but it's not meat, and it doesn't taste like meat--not enough to hit the spot when i'm craving a fat, juicy cheeseburger.

Sioux

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 08, 2008 11:44 AM

hmmm strange.

I don't eat meat, I support PETA's message and idea but alot of them are batshit nuts. I believe Boca has "fake meat" as do about 4 other companies I can think of that are in my frezzer right now....they are called "chic burgers" and grillers" and even "bufflo wings" and "riblets".....sorry thats Morning Star Farms, not Boca....but isn't that fake meat???? Because there is a difference from the "grillers" and the veggie burgers they sell. From what I hear the grillers taste like a hamburger (never eat one so I don't know what the real deal is)

I really wish they would stop doing strange shit and stick to the point of their message and doing crazy and strange shit like this just makes people hate them more.

Opaque

SUICIDEGIRL

Ohio, USA

MAY 08, 2008 11:57 AM

wow, i'm vegan and everything but if this test tube meat thing works out
i'm totally eating it every day.

woo hoo!!!

PointBlank

New York, NY

November 2004

MAY 08, 2008 12:01 PM

666Irish said:
Bio-chemically engineered meat? No thank you. I'll stick with good old fashioned dead cow.

Chances are, that "old fashioned dead cow" has been bio-chemically engineered.

Sioux

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 09, 2008 12:08 AM

PointBlank said:

666Irish said:
Bio-chemically engineered meat? No thank you. I'll stick with good old fashioned dead cow.

Chances are, that "old fashioned dead cow" has been bio-chemically engineered.

that's what i was thinking as well

brett54

Australia

November 2004

MAY 11, 2008 07:01 AM

Apart from the issues of the ethical treatment of animals (...ETA), becoming a vegetarian is one of the best ways to reduce your carbon footprint.

Not only from reducing animal feed, animal flatulence, it also brings the 'meat to market', thus reducing transport costs and pollution.

A good idea.

lifeinrewind

I'm lost

OLD SKOOL

MAY 11, 2008 09:11 PM

I'm stop eating animals when they stop tasting so good.

BlueRabbit

HOPEFUL

USA

MAY 16, 2008 02:00 AM

I don't object to eating meat, on principle. I do not eat it, but that is my choice.

I do object to people being ignorant about the effects of factory farming, and justifying their ignorance by saying "we're at the top of the food chain and can eat whatever we want."

If humans are at the top of the food chain, then I challenge you to go out and kill an undomesticated animal without a gun (yep, you can even have a knife, even though the animal doesn't) and butcher it yourself.

Yeah, most people don't do this. But if you are most people, stop claiming to be a "predator." There is nothing predatory about the drive through. I can fully respect people who make the effort to buy meat from their local butcher and cook it themselves, but if you are sitting at Wendy's talking about being at the "top of the food chain," well that is, frankly, just plain stupid. Someone handed you a product that was shipped from a factory where a domesticated animal was herded and slaughtered with no hunting involved. You are NOT a predator, you are a consumer of a product. Plain and simple.

Colinism

Atlanta, GA

July 2005

MAY 16, 2008 03:53 AM

BlueRabbit said:
I don't object to eating meat, on principle. I do not eat it, but that is my choice.

I do object to people being ignorant about the effects of factory farming, and justifying their ignorance by saying "we're at the top of the food chain and can eat whatever we want."

If humans are at the top of the food chain, then I challenge you to go out and kill an undomesticated animal without a gun (yep, you can even have a knife, even though the animal doesn't) and butcher it yourself.

Yeah, most people don't do this. But if you are most people, stop claiming to be a "predator." There is nothing predatory about the drive through. I can fully respect people who make the effort to buy meat from their local butcher and cook it themselves, but if you are sitting at Wendy's talking about being at the "top of the food chain," well that is, frankly, just plain stupid. Someone handed you a product that was shipped from a factory where a domesticated animal was herded and slaughtered with no hunting involved. You are NOT a predator, you are a consumer of a product. Plain and simple.

The only problem with this statement is that I would then challenge you and all the other vegies to go out and gather your own food or grow it all yourself.

If lions could invent weapons to help them hunt they would.

Sorry I am exausted but this line of reasoning is silly.