George Bush is such a colossal fuck up it is astounding. Every choice the administration makes in Iraq turns out to be the wrong choice. Their latest blunder is backing the wrong Shiite in Iraq. Today, after a couple of days of violence in Iraq, a new strongman has risen and his name is Muqtada al-Sadr. Our guy is the other guy -- the weak one.

Al-Sadr played Bush and Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki like a couple of children. Seven months ago, al-Sadr agreed to a cease-fire in Iraq – which has led many right wing morons to believe the surge has been a success. They are, of course, fucking idiots desperate to prove that their imbecilic support of the invasion was the right call. Deaths have dropped in Iraq because al-Sadr has not been killing people and we have been paying Sunni insurgents not to kill people. Last week, the cease-fire with al-Sadr took a break – just long enough to show who is the big boy in Iraq. And his name ain’t Maliki.

We’re supposed to believe that Al-Sadr is the bad guy and Maliki is the good guy. The truth is they both are nasty motherfuckers. Both sides are guilty of sectarian cleansing. Both have strong connections to Iran. Maliki has been using the US military and the Iraqi Army to arrest and kill members of al-Sadr’s militia, The Mahdi Army. But this week, al-Sadr fought back, which is exactly what Maliki was hoping for. Maliki expected the US to fight this battle for him. His master plan was to get our guys to wipe out al-Sadr, leaving him as the last Shiite standing.

The fighting first started in Basra. Maliki claimed he was cracking down on “criminals,” but it was obviously a massive power grab. And a pretty pathetic one, at that. First rule of power grab: Make sure you aren’t a retard. Maliki clearly didn’t realize his pals the Iranians and his other pals, the Americans, don’t want a civil war between Iraqi Shiites. So, Maliki and the Islamic Supreme Council started the fighting in Basra and al-Sadr pushed back – and he pushed back hard.

The fighting moved to Baghdad, where US forces were also involved. There Maliki learned the second lesson of power grab: Make sure all the guys on your side are actually on your side. Many members of the Iraqi Army walked away from checkpoints, because they support al-Sadr. Members of the Army were actually walking into al-Sadr’s offices and giving up their weapons.

Meanwhile, Iran wanted the fighting to end because Iran supports both Maliki and al-Sadr and would rather they don’t kill each other. They want the Shiites to save it up to attack the Sunnis when the US pulls out. Bush certainly does not want Iraq to fall further into chaos at this point, because it would devastate McCain’s chances in November and screw up his plan to leave a land mine for the incoming Democratic president. At the same time, the Kurds refused to get involved in Maliki’s moronic fight.

Hello, blunder, my name is Maliki. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister was demanding the Mahdi Army disarm. He actually set a three-day deadline for the al-Sadr kids to turn in their weapons. There was some chuckling, a few shrugs and then the three days passed with no one turning in their guns. Day four: Maliki actually extended the deadline – and offered cash for weapons. Third rule of power grab: Don’t look like a massive pussy.

The US provided air support for Maliki’s weak ass forces and al-Sadr held strong. Turns out it is very hard to dislodge highly motivated indigenous fighters who know every nook and cranny in the area. Who knew? I mean, besides everybody. Rule number four of power grab: Read at least one book on the history of urban warfare.

After a couple days and a few hundred dead guys, Iran said enough is enough. Officials in Maliki’s own government told him to stop his little war and went to Iran for help.

Iran then brokered a peace deal. Maliki actually went to Iran to meet with al-Sadr – which brings up the fifth rule of power grab: Don’t beg your opponent to stop.

Bestest of allest, al-Sadr had a list of demands for Maliki before he would agree to an end to hostilities. The fucking rebel set the rule to end the conflict that the government started! Holy shit! Maliki is a plane crashing into a train wreck, falling on top of a car crash, hitting a boat. What an epic disaster. Rule number six of power grab: Don’t let your enemy kick your balls in.

Here is what Maliki agreed to:

1. Ending armed manifestations in Basra governorate and all the other governates.
2. Ending of attacks and illegal arbitrary detentions.
3. Demand that the government apply the law on general amnesty, and release all prisoners who have not had charges confirmed against them, in particular prisoners belonging to the Al-Sadrist current.
4. We announce that we will repudiate those who carry weapons and target the government and service agencies and institutions, or the offices of political parties.
5. Cooperation with government agencies to bring about security and to charge criminals, according to due process of law.
6. We reassert that the Al-Sadrist movement does not possess heavy weapons.
7. Efforts [meaningful efforts are to be made] for the return to their residential areas of those who were forced out as a result of security incidents.
8. We demand respect for human rights by the government in all of its security activities.
9. Working [meaningful efforts are to be made] towards the realization of development and service projects in all governates.

Oh, and here’s a napkin to wipe yourself off the floor with. My favorite number in that list is 7. She’s a beaut. Maliki is demanding that Sunnis and Shiites be placed back in their homes, from which they were removed by sectarian cleansing. You now, the sectarian cleansing that the Mahdi army was responsible for – but so were the militias working under Maliki. Al-Sadr is trying to make the case that other Shiites were responsible for the cleansing, just as he has been trying to claim Maliki has been killing Sunnis and blaming the Mahdi army. Now he’s demanding those people be put back in their houses. It’s called politics and this was a master move. Rule number seven of power grab: Don’t take on a guy who is a million times smarter than you.

To top it all off, al-Sadr has now completely positioned himself as the only powerful man in Iraq who is against the US occupation. Maliki is Bush’s boy, and called in the US military to fight against his fellow Iraqis. The Sunnis have been collaborating with and accepting money from the US for over a year. The vast majority of Iraqis want the US to leave. Now they have a strong man who loudly opposes the occupation and has shown he will not back down. And guess what is coming later this year? An election.

The October provincial elections are one of the main reasons Maliki went after al-Sadr now. He’s been attempting to displace al-Sadr supporters, while inserting members of his own Dawa Party and the Islamic Supreme Council, in areas of Basra that al-Sadr controls. Maliki completely failed. He has all but assured a massive victory for al-Sadr this October.

The other big loser in the mess is the US. What a massive fuck up. We just injected ourselves into an inter-Shiite conflict and chose the wrong side. Going after assorted rogue groups in the Mahdi Army is one thing, but going after the entire al-Sadr organization on behalf of Maliki was moronic. Did I mention the vast majority of voting Iraqis want the US out of the country?

Any gains the US made with al-Sadr and his followers are gone.

The end result of this mess is that al-Sadr is far stronger and Maliki much weaker. The Iraqi Army appears considerably weaker, which isn’t a great sign for the future. Iran also is strengthened because they brokered the peace deal. The US is, once again, the clumsy fool.

The Mahdi Army went back into the shadows, waiting for the day when the US pulls out and they take over the country – if they are not just voted in this October.