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  • THURSDAY MARCH 6 2008 6:00 AM

John McShit

I feel like with all the attention surrounding the Democratic primary, we have forgotten how horrible John McCain is as a potential president. Holy fucking shit is he bad. Seriously wrong about everything. A few months ago, I wrote a Pulitzer Award winning article titled, "Fuck John McCain." Now I am forced to update the list of reasons to not vote for this nearly dead creature and I have written an article with an equally genius and witty title.

Last week, Grandpa Ancient received the endorsement of crazy Texas evangelical pastor John Hagee. Hagee is the pure physical form of awful. He hates everything and loves to talk about it. Check out his beautiful description of the Catholic Church.



Ha ha. Good times. I totally want to invite this guy to a barbeque. Hagee was an endorsement McCain worked very hard to get. He did everything but blow Mr. Lunatic and it apparently worked. Kudos, Johnny, you’re in bed with pure hate.

A few years ago, John The Elder hated the religious right, now he loves them. The McCain of 1999 is dead. He was hollowed out and filled with the loving spirit of George Bush. From issue to issue, he has morphed to align with the worst president in the history of the United States.



Like most people, Time Worn McCain wants the George Bush economy to keep rolling on. Why wouldn’t he? This shit is awesome!


Behind the scenes, his campaign is searching for ways to pay for Sen. McCain's tax proposals. In addition to extending the Bush tax cuts, the 71-year-old candidate would slash the corporate income-tax rate from 35% to 25% at a cost to the Treasury of $100 billion a year, estimates Mr. Holtz-Eakin.

In all, his tax-cutting proposals could cost about $400 billion a year, according to estimates of the impact of different tax cuts by CBO and the McCain campaign. The cost will make it difficult for him to achieve his goal of balancing the budget by the end of his first term.


Oh, fuck yes! Why pay for anything? This fucker will keep on running with a totally unsound economic policy. Money out, no money in. What could go wrong? And the Time Worn Airman will also keep on keeping on with Bush’s fantastically unsuccessful Social Security plan.


“I’m totally in favor of personal savings accounts,” he says. When reminded that his Web site says something different, he says he will change the Web site. “As part of Social Security reform, I believe that private savings accounts are a part of it — along the lines that President Bush proposed.”


Shit yeah. Why would you want to separate yourself from the least popular president since the one who had to resign? Good work. May we call you Old Failure now, or later?




But, at least McCain has experience. And that’s what we need right now.


In early 1987, at the beginning of his first Senate term, McCain attended two meetings with federal banking regulators to discuss an investigation into Lincoln Savings and Loan, an Irvine, Calif., thrift owned by Arizona developer Charles Keating. Federal auditors were investigating Keating's banking practices, and Keating, fearful that the government would seize his S&L, sought intervention from a number of U.S. senators.

Keating raised money for McCain's two congressional campaigns in 1982 and 1984, and for McCain's 1986 Senate bid. By 1987, McCain campaigns had received $112,000 from Keating, his relatives, and his employees--the most received by any of the Keating Five.


In February 1991, the Senate Ethics Committee found McCain and guilty of nothing more than "poor judgment." He gave $112,000 to the US Treasury. Experience!

Mr. Barely Alive also authored an amendment that allowed companies making US military equipment to move jobs out of America. Yay! Go foreign countries! In 2003, McCain came up with this gem of an amendment.


S. 1050—Buy American rules traditionally have required that most U.S. military equipment, defense systems and components be manufactured in the United States. An amendment to the FY 2004 U.S. Department of Defense authorization bill weakened the Buy American requirements. The amendment, offered by Sen. John McCain (R–Ariz.), exempted defense goods from six European countries from Buy American requirements. It passed May 21, 2003, 50–48.


Hmm, I wonder what that will lead to...


The Air Force on Friday delivered a shock to storied American airplane builder The Boeing Co. by choosing a team of Northrop Grumman Corp. and Airbus parent EADS to build a new fleet of air-to-air refueling tankers -- a contract potentially worth $100 billion.


Grandpa Time responded to the contract by saying, “military decisions should not be about creating jobs.” Fuck, yeah. Hopefully you will keep America safe by taking away all our jobs. The number of Americans jobs that would have been created by the Boeing contract was 44,000. That’s 44,000 jobs the Old Man has already cost Americans – and he’s not even president yet.

Thankfully, Oldy McOlderson can run on the incredible success of the surge.


The U.S. has not only added 30,000 more troops in Iraq — it has essentially bribed the opposition, arming the very Sunni militants who only months ago were waging deadly assaults on American forces. To engineer a fragile peace, the U.S. military has created and backed dozens of new Sunni militias, which now operate beyond the control of Iraq's central government. The Americans call the units by a variety of euphemisms: Iraqi Security Volunteers (ISVs), neighborhood watch groups, Concerned Local Citizens, Critical Infrastructure Security. The militias prefer a simpler and more dramatic name: They call themselves Sahwa, or "the Awakening."


Great. This sounds like the perfect idea. Create a government, then create and arm opposing militias within the same country. And keep the money rolling in! That way everything appears to be okay.


"The only reason anything works or anybody deals with us is because we give them money," says a young Army intelligence officer. The 2nd Squadron, 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment, which patrols Osama's territory, is handing out $32 million to Iraqis in the district, including $6 million to build the towering walls that, in the words of one U.S. officer, serve only to "make Iraqis more divided than they already are." In districts like Dora, the strategy of the surge seems simple: to buy off every Iraqi in sight. All told, the U.S. is now backing more than 600,000 Iraqi men in the security sector — more than half the number Saddam had at the height of his power.


Fucking awesome. This is what White Hair is running on. This is the big feather in The Decaying Man’s hat. Giving our old enemies tons of cash and weapons to prepare for a future war against the new "government" we put in place.


Only months ago, members of the Awakening were planting IEDs and ambushing U.S. soldiers. They were snipers and assassins, singing songs in honor of Fallujah and fighting what they viewed as a war of national liberation against the foreign occupiers. These are men the Americans described as terrorists, Saddam loyalists, dead-enders, evildoers, Baathists, insurgents. There is little doubt what will happen when the massive influx of American money stops: Unless the new Iraqi state continues to operate as a vast bribing machine, the insurgent Sunnis who have joined the new militias will likely revert to fighting the ruling Shiites, who still refuse to share power.

"We are essentially supporting a quasi-feudal devolution of authority to armed enclaves, which exist at the expense of central government authority," says Chas Freeman, who served as ambassador to Saudi Arabia under the first President Bush. "Those we are arming and training are arming and training themselves not to facilitate our objectives but to pursue their own objectives vis-a-vis other Iraqis. It means that the sectarian and ethnic conflicts that are now suppressed are likely to burst out with even greater ferocity in the future."


Remember what happened to Yugoslavia after the communist country fell apart? That’s going to look like a blip compared to the number of countries and people who will be sucked into a Sunni Shiite religious war. McCain and Bush pushed the surge only to quiet Iraq down until another Republican could be elected to the presidency. It’s a colossal fucking disaster, more so than at any other time. During this quiet “successful” time in Iraq, we have been creating the ultimate future nightmare. John Prehistoric McCain was the man pushing it the whole time. Good work, douchebag.

 

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Comments
DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

MAR 06, 2008 07:06 PM

TheFuckOffKid said:

SergeantPsycho said:

FearTheReaper said:

SergeantPsycho said:
Oh Reaper, where do I begin?

Let's start with your assertion that a reduction of the US Treasury via tax cuts is unsound economic policy. You do realize that our economy and the federal budge aren't one in the same don't you? How is McCain going to "pay" for these tax cuts? It's simple, he will (or at the very least, would like us to believe that he intends to) cut goverment spending. Forget public education, health care... whatever, the argumentment over whether they're worth it is for another post. A lot of goverment money goes to spend money on stupid crap that you don't even know about. See "Bridge to Nowhere". McCain will probably back up his tax cuts with reduction of that kind of spending.
More over, if anything less taxes would HELP the economy. Why? Because if corporations get to keep more of their money, those savings will find their way to the general public some how. Maybe a corporation might be able to reduce the price of goods in an attempt to beat out competitors. Maybe they'll be able to create new jobs with more revenue, what ever.
As for courting the "Religous Right", so what? Most of the "Religious Right" types are more tolerant and forward thinking than most would give them credit for (and I say this as a devout Atheist).



We're at war. Act like it.



I'm not clear what you mean, but I'm going to assume that you're suggesting that tax cuts will take away from military spending. My answer to that is that if we cut down the afforementioned waste, we can still have enough to fund the War on Terror. Maybe we should consider cutting funding to less nessecary wars like the war on drugs.



Jesus Christ. The extent to which you Have No Idea is truly mindboggling.



mindboggling really doesn't describe it well, it's like there is a tiny monkey, skull fucking me and splooging retardedness into my brain

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

MAR 06, 2008 07:07 PM

SergeantPsycho said:
Because if corporations get to keep more of their money, those savings will find their way to the general public some how.



I find your naivete and ignorance delicious.

Also, HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Clidna

Clidna

Canada
January 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:08 PM

coyotemike said:

UpTight said:
And since a mystery SG benefactor has kindly given me a year's complimentary membership, I look forward to watching how the whole dog and pony show pans out on these boards.





No shit... where were the free memberships when I was out? LOL

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

MAR 06, 2008 07:09 PM

UpTight said:
Cynical as I must sound



By "cynical" I'm going to go ahead and assume you mean "bat-fuckingly insane".

RandomNerd

RandomNerd

I'm lost
January 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:10 PM

What I'm still having a hard time understanding is why Coulter and Co. don't like him....

Clidna

Clidna

Canada
January 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:12 PM

MistressMissy said:
I wanted to smack someone I know through the phone when she told me "I don't want Obama to win because he's a Muslim. His middle name is Hussein."


I want to smack someone now, just for having read that. Bloody good thing nobody's home.

Clidna

Clidna

Canada
January 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:16 PM

DevilsReject said:
mindboggling really doesn't describe it well, it's like there is a tiny monkey, skull fucking me and splooging retardedness into my brain


You know, I was trying to think of a way to express why mindboggling didn't quite cut it, and here you've done it for me. Bravo! biggrin

401kboy

401kboy

Woodbridge, NJ
May 2007

MAR 06, 2008 07:25 PM

"His wife Carol accepted a divorce in February of 1980,[52] and the uncontested divorce occurred on April 2, 1980.[19] The settlement included two houses, and financial support for her ongoing medical treatments resulting from the 1969 automobile accident; they would remain on good terms."

there is always another side to the story.

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

USA
May 2006

MAR 06, 2008 07:27 PM

401kboy said:
"His wife Carol accepted a divorce in February of 1980,[52] and the uncontested divorce occurred on April 2, 1980.[19] The settlement included two houses, and financial support for her ongoing medical treatments resulting from the 1969 automobile accident; they would remain on good terms."

there is always another side to the story.



And often there is a link. Where did you find this?

Clidna

Clidna

Canada
January 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:36 PM

A lot of people remain on good terms after a divorce - that doesn't change the fact that cheating on and then leaving your spouse after a crippling accident is a shitty thing to do. Don't you think she would rather of had the emotional support of her husband, as opposed to a couple of houses and cash?

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:43 PM

thefreak said:

FearTheReaper said:
Here's something I didn't know:


As Nicholas Kristof first detailed, McCain's first wife was in a near-fatal car accident when he was in Vietnam and she was raising their children, an accident which debilitated her, causing her to gain substantial weight and actually lose several inches of height. McCain learned of how disfigured she was for the first time when he returned home in 1973.

A few years later, McCain began carrying on extramarital affairs, including with the very young, very pretty, and very rich heiress Cindy Hensley, for whom McCain eventually divorced his disfigured first wife in order to marry. McCain's three children (from his first marriage) were so disgusted by McCain's treatment of their mother that they boycotted the wedding. But not all was lost. Cindy's family money and Arizona connections launched McCain's political career.


Lovely.


Wow. And here I thought Republicans were a bastion of marital fidelity.

[/sarcasm]

-TM



Like Newt Gingrich! eeek

kthxbi

kthxbi

Gulf Breeze, FL
November 2006

MAR 06, 2008 07:44 PM

Kindle said:
It's love.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)






Someone should tell them that's not the Conservative Republican way.



I'll raise your McCain/Bush with McCain/Clinton:

zoom image

QUICK! WHO LOVES MCCAIN MORE?!?

Clidna

Clidna

Canada
January 2005

MAR 06, 2008 07:46 PM

She's just trying to make Bill jealous.

Stiles

Stiles

Oakland, CA
November 2002

MAR 06, 2008 07:47 PM

SergeantPsycho said:
Why? Because if corporations get to keep more of their money, those savings will find their way to the general public some how.



Pure comedy gold. ExxonMobil reports the highest corporate profits ever in its' history and oil prices are the highest in the history of the US, yet gasoline is also near all time record highs.

So much for that theory!

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

USA
May 2006

MAR 06, 2008 07:58 PM

scrillamanilla said:

Kindle said:
It's love.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)






Someone should tell them that's not the Conservative Republican way.



I'll raise your McCain/Bush with McCain/Clinton:

zoom image

QUICK! WHO LOVES MCCAIN MORE?!?



Is it just me, or does McCain look like he has a comb-over?

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