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John McShit

THURSDAY MARCH 6 2008 6:00 AM

TAGS: John McCain The surge John Hagee

I feel like with all the attention surrounding the Democratic primary, we have forgotten how horrible John McCain is as a potential president. Holy fucking shit is he bad. Seriously wrong about everything. A few months ago, I wrote a Pulitzer Award winning article titled, "Fuck John McCain." Now I am forced to update the list of reasons to not vote for this nearly dead creature and I have written an article with an equally genius and witty title.

Last week, Grandpa Ancient received the endorsement of crazy Texas evangelical pastor John Hagee. Hagee is the pure physical form of awful. He hates everything and loves to talk about it. Check out his beautiful description of the Catholic Church.



Ha ha. Good times. I totally want to invite this guy to a barbeque. Hagee was an endorsement McCain worked very hard to get. He did everything but blow Mr. Lunatic and it apparently worked. Kudos, Johnny, you’re in bed with pure hate.

A few years ago, John The Elder hated the religious right, now he loves them. The McCain of 1999 is dead. He was hollowed out and filled with the loving spirit of George Bush. From issue to issue, he has morphed to align with the worst president in the history of the United States.



Like most people, Time Worn McCain wants the George Bush economy to keep rolling on. Why wouldn’t he? This shit is awesome!


Behind the scenes, his campaign is searching for ways to pay for Sen. McCain's tax proposals. In addition to extending the Bush tax cuts, the 71-year-old candidate would slash the corporate income-tax rate from 35% to 25% at a cost to the Treasury of $100 billion a year, estimates Mr. Holtz-Eakin.

In all, his tax-cutting proposals could cost about $400 billion a year, according to estimates of the impact of different tax cuts by CBO and the McCain campaign. The cost will make it difficult for him to achieve his goal of balancing the budget by the end of his first term.


Oh, fuck yes! Why pay for anything? This fucker will keep on running with a totally unsound economic policy. Money out, no money in. What could go wrong? And the Time Worn Airman will also keep on keeping on with Bush’s fantastically unsuccessful Social Security plan.


“I’m totally in favor of personal savings accounts,” he says. When reminded that his Web site says something different, he says he will change the Web site. “As part of Social Security reform, I believe that private savings accounts are a part of it — along the lines that President Bush proposed.”


Shit yeah. Why would you want to separate yourself from the least popular president since the one who had to resign? Good work. May we call you Old Failure now, or later?




But, at least McCain has experience. And that’s what we need right now.


In early 1987, at the beginning of his first Senate term, McCain attended two meetings with federal banking regulators to discuss an investigation into Lincoln Savings and Loan, an Irvine, Calif., thrift owned by Arizona developer Charles Keating. Federal auditors were investigating Keating's banking practices, and Keating, fearful that the government would seize his S&L, sought intervention from a number of U.S. senators.

Keating raised money for McCain's two congressional campaigns in 1982 and 1984, and for McCain's 1986 Senate bid. By 1987, McCain campaigns had received $112,000 from Keating, his relatives, and his employees--the most received by any of the Keating Five.


In February 1991, the Senate Ethics Committee found McCain and guilty of nothing more than "poor judgment." He gave $112,000 to the US Treasury. Experience!

Mr. Barely Alive also authored an amendment that allowed companies making US military equipment to move jobs out of America. Yay! Go foreign countries! In 2003, McCain came up with this gem of an amendment.


S. 1050—Buy American rules traditionally have required that most U.S. military equipment, defense systems and components be manufactured in the United States. An amendment to the FY 2004 U.S. Department of Defense authorization bill weakened the Buy American requirements. The amendment, offered by Sen. John McCain (R–Ariz.), exempted defense goods from six European countries from Buy American requirements. It passed May 21, 2003, 50–48.


Hmm, I wonder what that will lead to...


The Air Force on Friday delivered a shock to storied American airplane builder The Boeing Co. by choosing a team of Northrop Grumman Corp. and Airbus parent EADS to build a new fleet of air-to-air refueling tankers -- a contract potentially worth $100 billion.


Grandpa Time responded to the contract by saying, “military decisions should not be about creating jobs.” Fuck, yeah. Hopefully you will keep America safe by taking away all our jobs. The number of Americans jobs that would have been created by the Boeing contract was 44,000. That’s 44,000 jobs the Old Man has already cost Americans – and he’s not even president yet.

Thankfully, Oldy McOlderson can run on the incredible success of the surge.


The U.S. has not only added 30,000 more troops in Iraq — it has essentially bribed the opposition, arming the very Sunni militants who only months ago were waging deadly assaults on American forces. To engineer a fragile peace, the U.S. military has created and backed dozens of new Sunni militias, which now operate beyond the control of Iraq's central government. The Americans call the units by a variety of euphemisms: Iraqi Security Volunteers (ISVs), neighborhood watch groups, Concerned Local Citizens, Critical Infrastructure Security. The militias prefer a simpler and more dramatic name: They call themselves Sahwa, or "the Awakening."


Great. This sounds like the perfect idea. Create a government, then create and arm opposing militias within the same country. And keep the money rolling in! That way everything appears to be okay.


"The only reason anything works or anybody deals with us is because we give them money," says a young Army intelligence officer. The 2nd Squadron, 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment, which patrols Osama's territory, is handing out $32 million to Iraqis in the district, including $6 million to build the towering walls that, in the words of one U.S. officer, serve only to "make Iraqis more divided than they already are." In districts like Dora, the strategy of the surge seems simple: to buy off every Iraqi in sight. All told, the U.S. is now backing more than 600,000 Iraqi men in the security sector — more than half the number Saddam had at the height of his power.


Fucking awesome. This is what White Hair is running on. This is the big feather in The Decaying Man’s hat. Giving our old enemies tons of cash and weapons to prepare for a future war against the new "government" we put in place.


Only months ago, members of the Awakening were planting IEDs and ambushing U.S. soldiers. They were snipers and assassins, singing songs in honor of Fallujah and fighting what they viewed as a war of national liberation against the foreign occupiers. These are men the Americans described as terrorists, Saddam loyalists, dead-enders, evildoers, Baathists, insurgents. There is little doubt what will happen when the massive influx of American money stops: Unless the new Iraqi state continues to operate as a vast bribing machine, the insurgent Sunnis who have joined the new militias will likely revert to fighting the ruling Shiites, who still refuse to share power.

"We are essentially supporting a quasi-feudal devolution of authority to armed enclaves, which exist at the expense of central government authority," says Chas Freeman, who served as ambassador to Saudi Arabia under the first President Bush. "Those we are arming and training are arming and training themselves not to facilitate our objectives but to pursue their own objectives vis-a-vis other Iraqis. It means that the sectarian and ethnic conflicts that are now suppressed are likely to burst out with even greater ferocity in the future."


Remember what happened to Yugoslavia after the communist country fell apart? That’s going to look like a blip compared to the number of countries and people who will be sucked into a Sunni Shiite religious war. McCain and Bush pushed the surge only to quiet Iraq down until another Republican could be elected to the presidency. It’s a colossal fucking disaster, more so than at any other time. During this quiet “successful” time in Iraq, we have been creating the ultimate future nightmare. John Prehistoric McCain was the man pushing it the whole time. Good work, douchebag.

 

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sitar

sitar

Philadelphia, PA
June 2004

MAR 06, 2008 06:22 AM

its cute when they nuzzle

401kboy

401kboy

Woodbridge, NJ
May 2007

MAR 06, 2008 08:54 AM

you make many good points, but I have to take exception to the military spending piece. I, for one, do not view Boeing as a good guy here, and giving them billions in contracts when someone else can do it more effectively would be wrong. Boeing has sucked at the taxpayer teat long enough.

Kindle

Kindle

Seattle, WA
March 2006

MAR 06, 2008 09:28 AM

Wait, so people actually like Bush enough to vote for McCain? surreal This just solidifies how much I hate stupidity and ignorance.

scorp17yh

scorp17yh

Brookings, OR
November 2004

MAR 06, 2008 09:48 AM

Kindle said:
Wait, so people actually like Bush enough to vote for McCain? surreal This just solidifies how much I hate stupidity and ignorance.



smile love

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

MAR 06, 2008 09:48 AM

With this article, I'm starting a roster of John McCain nicknames! biggrin

Kindle

Kindle

Seattle, WA
March 2006

MAR 06, 2008 09:50 AM

phrogg said:
With this article, I'm starting a roster of John McCain nicknames! biggrin


Johnny McDubya!

Chainlink

Chainlink

Iran
August 2005

MAR 06, 2008 09:52 AM

McScary

Colinism

Colinism

Atlanta, GA
July 2005

MAR 06, 2008 09:52 AM

McPresident. wink

Kindle

Kindle

Seattle, WA
March 2006

MAR 06, 2008 09:52 AM

Heeeeerre's Johnny!

Kindle

Kindle

Seattle, WA
March 2006

MAR 06, 2008 09:53 AM

Colinism said:
McPresident. wink


Ooh, good one.

livertarian

livertarian

Fairfax, VA
February 2008

MAR 06, 2008 09:59 AM

We are basically killing time until the annexation by China.

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

MAR 06, 2008 10:00 AM

McNecklines.

s5

s5

STAFF

San Francisco, CA

MAR 06, 2008 10:01 AM

McDepends

livertarian

livertarian

Fairfax, VA
February 2008

MAR 06, 2008 10:07 AM

There are some who call him "Walnuts".

livertarian

livertarian

Fairfax, VA
February 2008

MAR 06, 2008 10:14 AM

Colinism said:
McPresident. wink



You like this guy?

I used to call myself "conservative," but I no longer know what the word means. If I had to guess right now, in 2008, I would go with "big government-loving warmongering statist."

That definition would normally belong to the word "Democrat."

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