First of all, Merry Christmas. Even to you Jewish peeps, whom, I was told by Mel Gibson, killed Christ. (Not cool.) Anyway, Jesus is now irrelevant and this is Santa’s day. Or it was until he attempted to fly over Brazil.

Earlier this week, Santa Claus we shot down over Rio de Janeiro. No, I am not kidding.

Rio de Janeiro has quite a few slums that are controlled by gangs. Check out the movie City of God if you want to know what happened to Santa. Police don’t even venture into the slums too often, and when they do, they go with full force, using helicopters and armored vehicles. They do not fly over in a bright red outfit. Ever!

Santa was not injured, but the helicopter was damaged and had to return to the base. Bullet holes were later found in the fuselage. He took a car to the kid’s party.

Merry Christmas, porn lovers.