Since Hollywood writers like myself went on strike this week, I thought I would share with you the biggest Asshole Fuckface studio heads of the week. They are inherently Asshole Fuckfaces, but during a strike we can shine a light on their hideous acts of greed and inhumanity.

Studio fat cats Les Moonves and Peter Chernin are Asshole Fuckfaces of the highest order. Chernin is just a straight up douchebag because he works for Fox. Moonves is best known for the brilliant move of losing Howard Stern to satellite and being a failed actor. (Maybe if he had been able to get a job here and there and actually received residuals, we wouldn’t have to deal with his cunty moves at the negotiating table). Anyway, Les and Pete managed to pull a move so deceitful and idiotic, that it may prolong the strike far longer than anyone could have ever anticipated.

Les and Pete “deliberately duped” the Guild by making a backchannel deal and then pulling out of it at the last minute. On Sunday, the two told WGA negotiators that if writers gave up DVD residual demands, then the studios would give a little on Internet downloads. Since that is what the WGA is after, the negotiators went for it. When the WGA arrived at 10 am Sunday morning, they took their 4 cents DVD increase demand off the table. The studio heads then went off to discuss how to respond.

Eleven hours later they returned. Eleven fucking hours. Coincidentally, eleven hours later is exactly what time the strike was supposed to begin on the East coast. Here was their answer:

Uh, what? The Guild made a back channel agreement (the way all negotiations are handled in Hollywood), took a massive demand off the table and then you told them to fuck off and now you are asking them to suspend the strike? How big off assholes can you be? Oh, it turns out they can be bigger assholes.

The timing just happened to coincide with the news cycle. The studio heads fired off a press release claiming they were making progress but the WGA refused to call off the strike. (Because all writers are banging away at midnight on a Sunday) The WGA was completely shocked and was not prepared to send out a press release, so the next day it appeared that the WGA had fucked the negotiations by being stubborn. In reality, they had Les Moonves’ fist crammed up their assholes.

Had the producers actually responded to the WGA’s removal of the DVD demand, then the strike could have been called off. A deal at that point could have been days away. That is what happens when you actually negotiate. Now the WGA refuses to meet until the producers offer something.

In the meantime, as you watch your favorite shows die off and thousands lose their jobs, remember two names: Les Moonves and Peter Chernin. They are top notch Asshole Fuckfaces.

The studios obviously are attempting to break the union, thinking they would split us when we were told that the negotiating committee had removed DVDs and gotten nothing in return. The problem is they use press releases to make their points. Hey grandpa, there’s this new thing called the “Internet” and on the “Internet” there are bloggers, reporters and email getting the real story out. So you keep at it with your “press releases,” by the time we read them, we already know the real story.

Next up, there are the little guys, toiling away behind the scenes and some of them manage to be tremendous Asshole Fuckfaces.

On day one of the Writers Strike, a very nice man I know was run over by an Asshole Fuckface who works at one of the studio lots.

Now, that doesn’t sound that out of the ordinary; a guy gets hit by a car. Happens all the time. Maybe it was a mistake, right? Nope. After speaking to several of my friends who were working with Tom, it turns out the vehicular assault was deliberate. The driver pulled up in his amazing Honda Element, got out of his car and yelled:

He then got back in his car and floored it. There was no way for Tom to avoid the vehicle. (If you saw Tom you would quickly understand. He is far from athletic.) The car struck Tom and dragged him for a bit. The driver then attempted to drive away but other writers descended upon him and took away his keys. He was then escorted away by studio security.

Johnson's black tennis shoe was still lodged under the front passenger tire as he was taken away in an ambulance.



Tom spent the day in the hospital. He now has one leg that he cannot bend at all and another that is a complete swollen mess. Thankfully, neither leg was broken, but a lot of things can go wrong in a leg.

Not surprisingly, the driver was an editor. They are a mole-like people who spend hours in dark rooms in front of monitors and they hate writers. Why? Because we have a vision of how we want things and we tell them how to do it. They often think they know the right way and they are just as often, sadly mistaken. The fact that an editor ran over a writer will go down in editor folklore, told to their children and their children’s children.

Most surprising of all, the editor was not arrested. Apparently it is the policy of the Los Angeles Police Department not to arrest people who attack picketers. If any of the writers had attacked the driver after he ran over Tom, well, that would have led to an arrest. Which leads me to my next Asshole Fuckface: The WGA.

The Guild has been using Tom as a publicity piece. They made sure to mention him at a rally Friday in an attempt to appeal to the member’s unity. They have sent out emails explaining what happened and saying Tom made a great sacrifice. They have had members at all picket lines sign cards wishing him well. His attack is being used as a pawn in a game of chess. What the Guild has not done in this case is protect one of their own. They have not approached the mayor’s office, the District Attorney’s office or the police department to question why a man can run someone down after making a threat and not be arrested. A far as FearTheReaper is concerned, it is more than disgusting of the people who are supposed to be protecting him during this time.

Finally, every studio head gets the label of Asshole Fuckface.

The studios began firing assistants from shows two days into the strike. They made sure to tell every low wage employee they fired that it was the writer’s fault. On DAY 2. Yeah, the studios had lost so much money on DAY 2 that they had to let the people making the least amount of money go. Gotta stop that DAY 2 bleeding, and the only way to do it is by letting the guy who makes four hundred bucks a week go.

Classy move. It would be like me getting into an argument with another guy and then going and punching his baby, then telling the baby it’s his Dad’s fault. You chose to fire them, you rich Asshole Fuckfaces and it’s on your head.

Finally, I’d like to end with a January 2007 quote by Les, a man who today claims he doesn’t know how CBS will make money on the Internet.

None of this week’s Asshole Fuckfaces will receive a prize because they have all the money.