- news
- SATURDAY OCTOBER 20 2007 9:00 AM
Asshole Fuckface Roundup
Submitted by FearTheReaper
Edited by erin_broadley
Tags: Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, United Nations

It's Saturday, or as it is known in Jerusalem, Asshole Fuckface Roundup day. Each week I scan the news to find the scum of the week. It is not an easy job and I suffer greatly for my efforts. But in the end, I am simply serving you, the humble SG member. You must know the names of all the Asshole Fuckfaces who are roaming the Earth. So, put on your plastic bibs because this is not going to be pretty.
We can always count on the religious right to provide some fantastic Asshole Fuckface quotes.
This week Republican presidential candidate Mick Huckabee was asked if he would commit to helping the UN reach its goal of 50 billion for AIDS funding by 2015. He sidestepped the question with a classic politician dodge. Another reporter then asked Huckabee if his religious views would get in the way in regards to AIDS funding?
Huckabee gave an awesome answer that, of course, compared encouraging safe sex with telling domestic abusers not to hit as hard. Seriously.
If we really are serious about stopping a problem, whether it's drunk driving...we don't say "Don't drive 'as drunk'? ...This is an illogical thing that we apply to that one area that we don't apply to any other area. And I'm open-minded to all the arguments, if someone can convince me a little reckless behavior is OK. Maybe that's the message. But it would seem to me that if we're consistent in saying reckless behavior is undesirable we should ask people to move their behavior to the standard and not move the standard to the behavior...We don't say that a little domestic violence is OK, just cut it down a little, just don't hit quite as hard. We say it's wrong.
Yep. We should tell people not to have sex. That is the same as telling an asshole not to hit his wife as hard. You are truly an Asshole Fuckface, Mike Huckabee.
Where there is one Asshole Fuckface Republican candidate, there is always another close behind.
Republicans despise the UN because they have been brain washed to do so. They have few actual facts and quite a bit of bullshit rhetoric. Sometimes their hatred overwhelms them so much that they double hate the UN, like Mitt Romney.
"The United Nations has been an extraordinary failure of late," Romney said in response to a question at a pancake house along the coast of early voting South Carolina. "We should withdraw from the United Nations Human Rights Council."
Fuck yeah, we should! Of course, we already did that. The US doesnt have a seat on the Human Rights Council because we are already boycotting. But we can always Double Extra Boycott!
Mitt Romney also thinks we should have a brand new UN! He said he would support a new, different coalition of free nations of the world.
We should develop some of our own if you will forums and alliances or groups that have the ability to actually watch out for the world and do what's right.
How awesome and inexpensive would that be to create? Of course, this new body of countries would try to stop the US from doing whatever the hell it wanted and the right wing would have to start hating it. Its the cycle of life!
Now, you may be saying to yourself, "I don't think that was enough to make it into the Roundup." Well, then how about some bonus Mitt. I call this video, "What an Asshole Fuckface Pussy."
Nice work, Mitt. You showed humanity, integrity, courage and a huge spoonful of Asshole Fuckfacery.
You can always tell an Asshole Fuckface because they dont know what is and what isnt torture.
Bushs nominee to fill the Attorney General vacancy spent last week in front of the Senate. On Thursday, Michael Mukasey was widely praised by Democrats for his answers during his confirmation hearing. On Thursday night he took a little trip to the White House and on Friday his answers became laughable.
WHITEHOUSE: Is waterboarding constitutional?
MUKASEY: I dont know what is involved in the technique. If waterboarding is torture, torture is not constitutional.
WHITEHOUSE: "If waterboarding is constitutional" is a massive hedge.
MUKASEY: No, I said, "If it's torture." I'm sorry. I said, "If it's torture."
WHITEHOUSE: "If it's torture." That's a massive hedge. I mean, it either is or it isnt. Do you have an opinion on whether waterboarding, which is the practice of putting somebody in a reclining position, strapping them down, putting cloth over their faces, and pouring water over the cloth to simulate the feeling of drowning. Is that constitutional?
MUKASEY: If it amounts to torture, it is not constitutional.
WHITEHOUSE: I'm very disappointed in that answer I think it is purely semantic.
MUKASEY: Im sorry.
You should be sorry. You are a highly respected lawyer who is suffering from a rare case of self-inflicted retardation. Oh, and you are one hell of an Asshole Fuckface.
It is mind-boggling that this is the state of our country. We are now in a time where the nominee for Attorney General of the United States actually does not know if waterboarding is torture.
Water boarding has been around for centuries. It was a common interrogation technique during the Italian Inquisition of the 1500s.
First you strap a person to an inclined board, with his feet raised and his head lowered. Then you gag him. Next, you repeatedly pour water onto the person's face. The waves of water make the persons mind believe he is drowning. The gag reflex kicks in as if he were choking. "9/11 mastermind" Khalid Sheik Mohammed lasted about two minutes before confessing to everything of which he was accused.
Bushs policies have made it impossible to have an Attorney General who is honest and conscientious. A nominee cannot serve the president and the law at the same time, just like you cant work for Saruman and Gandolf at the same time. You either follow the law or you do the bidding of Bush. If you take Bush, then you should not be the Attorney General. End of story.
Democrats should not confirm Asshole Fuckface Mukasey if he cant figure out what is torture. But they will.
Democrats on the committee "said Mukasey's new answers were disappointing," but "they did not indicate that they will oppose his confirmation."
Fortunately for Mukasey, there is a group of Asshole Fuckfaces called the Senate Democrats. Congrats, guy who shouldnt get the job!
Its not often that a Nobel Prize winner gets labeled an Asshole Fuckface, which makes today a special day.
Dr. James Watson won the Nobel Prize in 1963 for discovering the structure of DNA. Obviously discovering the double helix has been a big deal for scientific breakthroughs ever since. Which makes it all that much more horrible that Dr. Watson decided to explain the inferiority of black people this week.
The eminent biologist told the British newspaper he was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours -- whereas all the testing says not really."
Uh...right. Uh. So...
Watson then backed it up with some fantastic scientific evidence.
He went on to say that although he hoped everyone was equal, "people who have to deal with black employees find this not true".
Wow. Youre a Nobel Laureate? Really? Because it seems like you might be more of an Asshole Fuckfaceate.
Watson's upcoming lecture at Londons Science Museum was promptly cancelled. Hopefully when he returns to the lab, one of his black employees can explain to him why he is an Asshole Fuckface.
Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces! You each get a FearTheReaper hockey stick!




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Comments
freshprncebelair
Ellicott City, MD
June 2004
OCT 20, 2007 09:09 AM
xazapdmytinu
Fort Collins, CO
July 2007
OCT 20, 2007 09:25 AM
BoSsHoGg01
Woodbridge, VA
October 2007
OCT 20, 2007 09:26 AM
sick
Minneapolis, MN
June 2003
OCT 20, 2007 10:27 AM
back_and_forth
San Francisco, CA
October 2007
OCT 20, 2007 10:29 AM
Adroitbeing
I'm lost
September 2003
OCT 20, 2007 10:38 AM
Syal
I'm lost
June 2005
OCT 20, 2007 11:18 AM
Jace
San Francisco, CA
February 2004
OCT 20, 2007 11:44 AM
Domo_Kun
Rockford, IL
March 2005
OCT 20, 2007 12:46 PM
10k
San Antonio, TX
July 2002
OCT 20, 2007 02:18 PM
SignalNoise
USA
February 2004
OCT 20, 2007 03:31 PM
DrSocks
USA
January 2004
OCT 20, 2007 03:35 PM
QuixoticVignette
I'm lost
October 2007
OCT 20, 2007 04:02 PM
MisterClean
Pawtucket, RI
February 2004
OCT 20, 2007 04:25 PM
10k
San Antonio, TX
July 2002
OCT 20, 2007 04:36 PM
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