I believe very strongly that it is my job to continually remind you that our president is an idiot. The words that come out of his mouth are sometimes disturbing, sometimes sad and most often embarrassing. Last week he gave a speech in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Here are some excerpts from that speech. They actually came out of the mouth of the man who is our president.

On taxes.

Okay, first of all, if she is actually a woman, then she can’t be a “they.” That is something I learned in the 2nd grade and it has really stuck with me ever since.

Now let’s discuss the building of buildings. You state, “When somebody builds a new building, someone has got to come and build the building.” There’s a lot wrong here, guy in charge of our country. Your repetition makes it sound like someone builds a building and then someone comes along and builds the building again.

You also claimed that the building expanded. Explain further. How does a building expand? Is it made of rubber? Does someone blow air into it? And then why does an expanding building prevent people from getting additional work? I thought building would lead to work based on your previous sentence. It’s really confusing. It barely makes sense. And you are in charge of defending our country.

Next up, decision-making.

Please, please stop saying this. It makes you seem retarded and me seem really retarded for just being a US citizen. Plus, it is something a five year old would say if he was elected president of his kindergarten class.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say you don’t have to actually remind anyone about your lack of intelligence, or their level of education. I think it’s a given.

Wow. To finally hear the inner workings of what goes on in the White House is really amazing. So, people actually come to you with advice and then you act? These are awesome things that you say inside your head, but not outside. I’m now going to close my eyes and try to hear Bill Clinton saying the same thing.

…

Nope. That didn’t work.

That’s actually an insult. It gives the impression that you don’t have anything important to say, that you are bullshitting. As President, I recommend saying these types of things. You are sort of important and look what you did. You just took a swipe at yourself. If you were attempting to make me feel as if I have been enveloped by a blanket of sadness, then kudos.

After giving a lengthy answer on global warming:

No, it’s not. Sigh. You should actually know this because you are the president. Filibustering is a form of obstructionism in a decision making body, in an attempt to extend debate upon a proposal in order to delay or completely prevent a vote on its passage. You are just giving a lengthy answer. Those people in front of you are just audience members. They are not the Senate. And you are not a Senator. You’re the….never mind.

Sure, I mean with 9/11, the Iraq War and everyone thinking you suck, how could it not be pure joy?

On just being there:

Not really. I think we’re better off when you are giving speeches. Thanks.