First, congratulations to all black people in America. Bill O’Reilly is happy that you guys are finally starting to “think for yourselves.” How awesome is that? Black people have been quietly working very hard, just hoping at some point their progress would be acknowledged by a horrible white man. Consider this a dream fulfilled.

O’Reilly had one hell of a day last week. Apparently he had dinner at a Harlem restaurant with Al Sharpton and the black people eating there were acting like normal people. How weird is that?

That must have been a fun dinner with Bill, because he “couldn’t get over” the lack of disparity between white and black restaurants. Bill must have had thoughts like these racing through his head.

They are using forks. FORKS!

Twenty minutes and not one shooting. This is wonderful

Not one pit bull in this entire restaurant. Amazing!

Hey, that guy is not shitting on his table!

Now, I’ve never been inside of a restaurant full of black people. I live in Los Angeles, so I can only read about such a crazy, foreign world. But I am very happy to hear this report from Bill that no one is screaming:

Motherfucker, I want more iced tea.

Bill, being a thinking man, drew the obvious conclusion from the lack of black people screaming, “Motherfucker.” They are becoming more independent. That’s right, Bill put this thought together in his head: Since black people in Harlem don’t act like animals when they go to restaurants, then they obviously are wrestling free of the dangerous ideas of people like Jesse Jackson. Seriously. That is what he said.

What a natural conclusion to make after his dinner. Bill sees hope for black people, because they were not throwing their food at each other, or shooting each other or shoving steak up their asses. Bill sees it as an example of their “getting away” from people like Al Sharpton – the man who he ate dinner with that night.

Let me just summarize here. Al Sharpton invited Bill O’Reilly to a restaurant in Harlem. They ate dinner together and Bill noticed that black people are normal human beings. So he concludes that black people are no longer listening to…the guy who invited him to the restaurant. Is there any way for Bill to be more retarded?



But it’s not like this is new for Bill. Back in February he defended comments that President Bush made about Barack Obama being an articulate man. But first I’m going to make you sit through Glenn Beck explaining why he doesn’t have black friends.



Those white guys are awesome and they obviously speak for all white people. And if there are still any white people out there who have not been to a black restaurant, this is what they are usually like: