President Ahmadinejad is coming to the United States, which gives us the opportunity to see how much Americans just want to be scared. For the past few months, conservatives have been using the media to label Ahmadinejad as the new Hitler. Unfortunately, the evil cartoon character they are creating is actually a man and his visit to the US could undermine the neo-con propaganda machine. But it probably won't.

The neo-cons would very much like us to believe that Iran is Mordor and Ahmadinejad is Sauron. That way the White House’s impending attack on Iran will be justified. Some neo-cons are actually claiming we have been at war with Iran since 1979, which is weird because Reagan gave Iran weapons in the '80s and then used the money from the sales to fund the Contras. That would make Reagan a traitor. Weird logic conservatives, but do what you’ve got to do.

Now Columbia University has come under attack for inviting Ahmadinejad to speak.

Oh, fuck yes. Is there a better way to show we are a free society than by stopping someone from speaking? Speaking WORDS. Oh, the horror. Ahmadinejad might say something like, “Israel should be wiped off the map." Because that is exactly what he said at an anti-Zionism conference in Tehran last October! Neo-cons screamed that Ahmadinejad was calling for genocide of Jews. If the President of Iran says such things, we cannot let them get their hands on nukes!

One big problem with their claims is that Ahmadinejad never actually said those words.

Huh, isn’t that the same kind of thing George Bush and his neo-con pals said about Iraq before the war? That means Bush was calling for the extermination of all Iraqis! My God! Now Bush wants to kill everyone in North Korea and Syria. What a nightmare! And Reagan was calling for the death of all people living in the former Soviet Union! Under this logic we are genocide crazy.

Further proof that Ahmadinejad is a little Hitler who wants to exterminate all Jews can be found in Iran, where 20,000 Jews live and actually have a representative in Parliament. Clearly the man wants them dead.

Ahmadinejad is also a threat because he is a religious lunatic. The man actually believes his role is to pave the way for the coming of the Twelfth Imam. That is some fucked up shit and totally different from Bush, a born again Christian who thinks Jesus is coming back any second and for that to happen, Israel needs to be surrounded by enemies. Which one of those guys has thousands of nuclear weapons at his disposal?

During his visit, Ahmadinejad also wanted to visit ground zero and pay his respects, but we rejected his request. Turns out many New Yorkers and family members of 9/11 victims were upset at the idea of Ahmadinejad going to the location of the terrorist attack he had nothing to do with. Could you imagine how insulting that would be? When 9/11 happened, Iran expressed sympathy with the US and Iranians held spontaneous candlelight vigils. Iran is also an enemy of al-Qaeda and thought the attacks could open a dialogue with the US. What assholes! Take your respects and shove them up your ass!

Ahmadinejad thought he could use his visit to create some sort of understanding between our countries. He apparently didn’t comprehend our constant desire for a mythical boogeyman. The US loves a Hitler!

Not that he is the greatest guy in the world. Ahmadinejad is the president of an incredibly oppressive regime that funds Hezbollah and other groups who fight Israel. We in the US would never think of funding rebel armies to destabilize another country. That’s just fucking bullshit. And never mind that shit I wrote about the Contras a couple of paragraphs ago.

What most people don’t know is that Ahmadinejad actually has zero power over the Iranian military. Zero. So, he might be the ideal guy to attempt to start a dialogue with. Too bad well never know because he’s pure evil. And we are pure goodness.