Sally Field Needs To Shut Her Pie Hole

Last week, Sally Field won an Emmy for something. I don’t know what and I really don’t care. What happened after she took the stage to accept her award is what caught my attention.

On behalf of half of the human race, I’d like to say, “Fuck off, Sally Field.” What an insulting, arrogant, untruthful load of shit. This is something I’ve heard for years from a few women, who have apparently never opened a history book. The idea that war is exclusive to males is ridiculous. Leaders are generally narcissistic assholes, whether male or female. The same crazy desire that makes someone want to actually run a country also makes one want to go to war. It’s about power and ladies throughout history have been drunk on it for hundreds of years.

But we can start right here in American, in this century, to prove Sally wrong. Here’s a list of female Senators who authorized the use of force against Iraq.

Blanche Lincoln
Dianne Feinstein
Mary Landrieu
Olympia Snowe
Susan Collins
Jean Carnahan
Hillary Clinton
Kay Bailey Hutchison
Maria Cantwell

Why do you hate Sally, ladies? And love war? But, hey, they are just carrying on the tradition of women and war.

Russia has seen its share of women who carry on wars. In 1736 Anna Ioannovna declared war on the Ottoman Empire. Next up came Elizabeth, who led her country into the Seven Years War. (Maria Theresa of Austria also jumped in on that one.) In 1762 Catherine the Great took over Russia and went right to work expanding the Russian empire. She conquered Crimea, the Northern Caucasus and Ukraine for mother Russian, all through bloody conflicts.

How about England?

Queen Elizabeth I was a great mom. She also had Mary, Queen of Scots beheaded and fought a war against Spain. Later came Queen Anne who started a war that came to be known as Queen Anne’s War. The war was fought in North America, between France and Britain in North America. Spain and American Indian tribes were also involved. Next up was Queen Victoria, who was constantly at war, including the Crimean War, The Indian Mutiny, campaigns on North-west Frontier of India, campaigns in Africa including the Zulu War, the Boer War, and campaigns in Egypt and Sudan. And she was a mommy! Recently Margaret Thatcher went to war with Argentina over the tiny, useless Falkland Islands. Bad mommy!

What about Asia?

The Empress Dowager Cixi of China came to power in a bloody coup in 1861. In 1864 she sent her army to crush the Taiping Army and won! Her son must have been so proud! Indira Gandhi, Prime Minister of India, must have been a man because she went to war with Pakistan in 1971. Later, she ordered an attack on the holiest Sikh shrine in India, the Golden Temple, which led to the death of 450 people. Oh, and she accelerated India’s nuclear program, which resulted in India becoming the world's youngest nuclear power. She was also a mommy of two!

And we can’t forget about Israel and their hateful neighbors. Golda Meir, Foreign Minister and Prime Minister of Israel, also oversaw her countries nuclear weapons development program. I guess it was a present for her kids. In 1956, Golda helped to plan an Israeli-British-French attack on Egypt. Later, in 1973, she was forced to defend Israel against six Arab states.

On the other side of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict are female suicide bombers. Is this the kind of mommy Sally was talking about?

What about this grandmommy?

Most importantly, we cannot forget about Admiral Helena Cain Pegasus, who attacked the Battlestar Galactica. That was fucking bullshit.

So, shut the fuck up Sally and all you other ladies who say that women wouldn’t start wars. It's insulting and it’s a load of horse shit. (And that includes my wife.)