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  • SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 22 2007 9:00 AM

Asshole Fuckface Roundup



You have been very patient waiting an entire week for the asshole fuckface roundup. That is nice of you. If only this week’s asshole fuckfaces could be as nice as you, but it is just not in their genetic makeup. They are the worst of the worst. Even Hilter would be shaking his head if he heard what the asshole fuckfaces have been up to. So, put on your creepy bib and settle in, this is going to be ugly.

Tye Hilmo is an outrageous asshole fuckface and an enemy to all cats.

There is a special place in hell for men who kill kitties. It involves a large litter box and tons of shit. Also a rape post. And a small cock guillotine.

Tye is an all around fuckface. He was on probation when police searched his home last week and found two pounds of pot and guns. You are not supposed to have two pounds of pot or any guns when you are on probation, so Tye was thrown in the pokey.

Police had also received a tip that Tye was killing cats. Upon searching his home, they found the bodies of two dead kittens. But his cell phone contained the worst evidence of all.


A picture of one of his pit bulls and one of the mauled, dead kittens, and beneath the picture a caption that says "Good Dog."


Asshole was capturing neighborhood cats, then injuring them and then finally, he would give them to his pit bulls to finish off. He has been charged with aggravated cruelty to animals.

I would like for Tye to be tied down. Then his skin peeled off and his exposed tissue covered in tuna oil. Then a hundred feral cats should be released to have brunch.

Next up, "counter protester" is another way to say asshole fuckface.

Last Saturday anti-war protestors marched on the capitol. Carlos Arredondo’s son Alex died in Iraq in 2004 and he has created a “traveling memorial” in honor of his son.


The memorial consists of a casket, poster- size photographs of Alex when he graduated from boot camp, before his second tour in Iraq, lying in state at his wake, and a photo of Alex with his younger brother Brian.


Carlos was taking part in the protest and as he walked a group of “counter protesters,” began to follow him and harass him. Finally, one of them tore a picture of Alex off the memorial. It was his non-verbal way of saying, “I support the war and my way of doing that is to insult dead soldier’s parents.”

But the asshole fuckfaces weren’t done with Carlos yet. When Carlos tried to get the photo of his dead son back, five other “counter protesters” attacked him. They beat him and kicked him in the head, legs, stomach and back.

Police broke up the attack. Carlos sustained bruises all over his torso and on his head, but at least now he knows he should support the war. There is no better way to convince a dead soldier’s father to change his mind about the war than to kick him in the head. I think Ghandi said that.

Ah, what would a trip down asshole fuckface lane be without a visit from George Bush?



Yes, he just used an alive Nobel Peace Laureate and international hero as a dead guy in what may be the most retarded analogy ever. Let's see, Saddam killed all the Mandelas, which has totally fucked Iraq. So, if Saddam hadn’t killed all the guys who fight to overcome brutal systems of racial segregation, then Iraq would be in great shape. Those one million plus Iraqi deaths that have occurred since the US occupation began did not kill any of the Mandelas. It's called logic!

Oh, and this is what Mandela thinks about the asshole fuckface known as Bush.


What I am condemning is that one power, with a president who has no foresight, who cannot think properly, is now wanting to plunge the world into a holocaust.

If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don't care.


But keep talking about him like he is a dead hero who could have saved Iraq, George, you fucking moron.

And now, one of the many asshole fuckfaces who will never be president.

Rudy Giuliani is such a spectacular asshole fuckface that he looks like a shoo-in for the AF hall of fame. During his political career in New York, Rudy worked hard for gun control. He did not hold back when it came to the NRA.



Rudy even filed a lawsuit against gun manufacturers, such as Colt, Glock and Smith & Wesson, in an attempt to punish them for violent crimes committed with guns. At the time, Rudy said the gun industry “profits from the suffering of innocent people.” Yesterday, a panel of federal judges began hearing arguments on the lawsuit. So, how did Rudy celebrate?

By crawling to the NRA like a bitch and begging for their support. Rudy addressed NRA members on the same day his lawsuit was being heard by a panel of judges, because Rudy is now dedicated to upholding the right of individuals to own weapons. That is some fantastic asshole fuckfacery.


Whatever my personal views, the Constitution of the United States decides this . . . you have a personal right to carry arms, to have arms. That personal right is as strong as the right to free speech.


I guess that is why you filed a lawsuit to destroy gun manufacturers, huh? But, hey, Rudy did become a member of the NRA in 2006. And they are apparently stupid enough to buy his shocking political opportunism.


Despite Giuliani's changing views, NRA chief Wayne LaPierre said: "All I know is, I liked what I heard today. It's a good thing, if a politician sees the light and supports the Second Amendment."


Wow, we just found another asshole fuckface! These two guys are made for each other.

Congrats to this weeks winners. You are all very special in a horrible way. Each asshole fuckface will receive their very own FearTheReaper iPod sheath.

 

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Comments
Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

SEP 23, 2007 11:50 PM

Reaver said:When all I want is an answer of how Nelson Mandela thought that we should deal with a brutal fucking dictator with a very questionable human rights record, a history of agression, and connections to terrorism (granted maybe not Al Queda, but we all know Saddam was cutting checks to the mothers of Palestinian Suicide Bombers).

I want a liberal or a Democrat to tell me what they will do to stop the tragedy and genocide in Darfur.



I am neither a liberal nor a Democrat, but I have some thoughts:

As to the first question:

1) Not get involved in the first place. By "first place," I mean "stay the fuck out of Persian politics." Specifically by not shooting ourselves in the foot during our hyper-paranoid rush to make sure we did something about Iran. "ABC" has been shown by history to be a failure as a foreign policy measure. I don't know why "ABT" is any better.

We still have not learned that it does not behoove us to play "Eurasia/Eastasia" in the first place, let alone with the Middle East.

2) After having gotten involved in the first place, don't get involved in the second place. Between the US and Russia we are now on our third or fourth iteration of fighting people that were armed by us to help us fight some other people earlier. I guess some conservative or Republican can make sense of that kind of morally relativistic jumble? I wouldn't know, I'm not one of those, either.

3) After getting involved in the third (or fourth, depending on how you like your math) place, and then realizing that the whole thing was a boondoggle to institute a clearly stated plan to nation-build in the Middle East (PNC) get the fuck out.

So, it would appear that we agree on one facet of the situation, albeit for entirely different reasons. We should get out.

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

SEP 24, 2007 01:00 AM

Good Lord i cringe whenever i have to watch Bush speak.

It's like watching two passenger trains collide head on.

I just want to close my eyes and cover my ears so i don't have to listen to the horror.

he will definitely not go down in history as one of our better speaking presidents.

XamaX_is_Dead

XamaX_is_Dead

La Mesa, CA
March 2007

SEP 24, 2007 01:29 AM

xazapdmytinu said:
wow, I mean, last I checked (okay, technically I have NOT checked) a castrated dog had more balls than Rudy. Fuck gun Control, I need that oval Office!

As for Prince George I think we can all agree that every word that tumbles perilously from his mouth falls upon the ground and grows a tree with fruits of regret and despair dangling perilously from it, waiting to drop on the noggin of some unsuspecting child looking to bask in its shade. blackeyed puke

and kitten killing requires no further comment...okay, maybe it does...this guy obviously has some severe issues and has been conditioned to believe that he a) doesn't have issues b) psychologists are assholes after your money or c) he is possessed by a demonic force and cannot fight it anyway. surreal



with the ever increasing price of dog food, the dollar just doesn't stretch as far as it use to... stray cats may have been his only way out of what appeared to be a hopeless situation, what if he had creditors calling leaving harrassing messages and he just didn't know where that next bowl of purina was gonna come from... desperate times... desperate times.

XamaX_is_Dead

XamaX_is_Dead

La Mesa, CA
March 2007

SEP 24, 2007 01:34 AM

evul420 said:
Can we add to this list every fuckface asshole in Congress that defeated a bill proposed by Chuck Hagel and my state's Jim Webb, who's son currently serves, that would have given the soldiers as much time at home between tours as they spend in country. If i hear the phrase "support the troops" from any of these assholes, ...well, it doesn't seem there's anything i can do. I will seethe with rage for a bit, then perhaps write a terse letter of disappointment, and mail it to Jesus. mad




i think we should add them. I know when i was in the Marine Corps i did 7 and a half months in Kuwait and within weeks of getting home i was told i was going to Iraq. i had less than 5 months to be home and spent a year in iraq. true i was only obligated for 6 months there but all my friends were extending and had an all or none mentality so i stayed with my crew... that pisses me off though that the turn around time is so fucking short for servicement, you get back home just to get ready to go back overseas again...

XamaX_is_Dead

XamaX_is_Dead

La Mesa, CA
March 2007

SEP 24, 2007 01:52 AM

i was in vegas visiting a friend of mine i have known for 11 years. My best friend. Anyways he had some roommates, one of them came home with his girlfriend after a night of snorting some coke and drinking his liver to nothing. For some reason he mockingly goes to toss their small dog out the window, his girlfriend gets upset and says "why would you pretend to do that?" he gives some jackass answer they argue about it for a minute then it's over. Next thing i know he has the dog and chucks it out the 7th story window turns to his girlfriend and says "now it's fucking done bitch" and walks out of the room. we (another roommate who had been sleeping and myself) took the dog to the shelter and they said it would cost a couple grand to get it healthy. we didn't have that kind of cash so they charged us 300 dollars to put the dog to sleep, which kind of pissed me off that they would charge you money for something you could do by yourself, and the fact that they charged such a huge amount for the operation that would be needed. the roommate who went with me never went back to the apartment after that and hasn't spoken to the dog thrower since. the next morning the dog throwere was unapologetic stating "i was drunk" and he actual smiled about it like it was all a big fucking joke. he will forever be to me an asshole fuckface, not only for killing the dog but for his multiple bouts with domestic violence, his saddistic mentality, the fact he ruined my trip to vegas and for his being a complete fucking douche bag... just thought i would share that story.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

SEP 24, 2007 02:21 AM

That's psychopathic behavior. What a cunt.

XamaX_is_Dead

XamaX_is_Dead

La Mesa, CA
March 2007

SEP 24, 2007 02:33 AM

FearTheReaper said:
That's psychopathic behavior. What a cunt.



yeah it is, i thought it would tie in nicely to the cat killer segment of your post. last i heard he (the dog thrower) had to flee the state because he was on parole and wound up beating his girlfriend. she called the cops and no one has seen or heard from him since. When i first met the guy i thought he was alright, now i think he's just a fucking dick.

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

SEP 24, 2007 07:47 AM

XamaX_is_Dead said:
i was in vegas visiting a friend of mine i have known for 11 years. My best friend. Anyways he had some roommates, one of them came home with his girlfriend after a night of snorting some coke and drinking his liver to nothing. For some reason he mockingly goes to toss their small dog out the window, his girlfriend gets upset and says "why would you pretend to do that?" he gives some jackass answer they argue about it for a minute then it's over. Next thing i know he has the dog and chucks it out the 7th story window turns to his girlfriend and says "now it's fucking done bitch" and walks out of the room. we (another roommate who had been sleeping and myself) took the dog to the shelter and they said it would cost a couple grand to get it healthy. we didn't have that kind of cash so they charged us 300 dollars to put the dog to sleep, which kind of pissed me off that they would charge you money for something you could do by yourself, and the fact that they charged such a huge amount for the operation that would be needed. the roommate who went with me never went back to the apartment after that and hasn't spoken to the dog thrower since. the next morning the dog throwere was unapologetic stating "i was drunk" and he actual smiled about it like it was all a big fucking joke. he will forever be to me an asshole fuckface, not only for killing the dog but for his multiple bouts with domestic violence, his saddistic mentality, the fact he ruined my trip to vegas and for his being a complete fucking douche bag... just thought i would share that story.



You should have thrown him after the dog.

fountainofdreams

fountainofdreams

Batavia, IL
January 2005

SEP 24, 2007 08:00 AM

mingol said:
You should have thrown him after the dog.



Yes.

mydogfarted

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ
June 2003

SEP 24, 2007 08:27 AM

BoardBurtonVT said:
But knowing that there are serial rapists, murderers, all in all, people doing terrible things to HUMANS on a regular basis, its hard for me to put someone doing terrible things to kittens on the same level of asshole fuckfaceness to that of someone like our president.



There have been studies done on the psychological profiles of serial killers and cold blooded murders that have found that in their youth, many of these sick fucks tortured and killed pets and small animals.

Red_Russian13

Red_Russian13

Dayton, OH
February 2004

SEP 24, 2007 07:06 PM

FearTheReaper said:

Red_Russian13 said:

FearTheReaper said:

Red_Russian13 said:
Thankfully, liberals never make stupid analogies. Nor do they ever make comments, statements, or policies that are shocking combinations of stupidity and simplicity. I will be very glad when they win the election in 2008.



Yeah, I guess that's why I never call them out on it, genius.



Yeah...I guess so...You're very balanced in your "calling out" of various groups. Everyone knows that. Hopefully in 2008 or 2009, you and your fellows will have a chance to show us how equally they spread the "calling out."

But I wouldn't exactly call your pseudo-journalism on SG calling anyone out on much of anything. Thanks though for your contribution to society and helping to make the world a better place.



Thanks for thinking you are maing a point that would someone insult me.



I would respond, but I'm not sure what this was supposed to say.

FearTheReaper said:

Jesus, you a sad, sad, little man.



Why, because I'm not a FearTheReaper fanboy? Or was it because I was suggesting to an aforementioned fanboy that there could be more interesting reads on the internet than the stuff you write? If pointing that out makes me a "sad, sad, little man" then I'm guilty as charged.

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