Asshole Fuckface Roundup

You have been very patient waiting an entire week for the asshole fuckface roundup. That is nice of you. If only this week’s asshole fuckfaces could be as nice as you, but it is just not in their genetic makeup. They are the worst of the worst. Even Hilter would be shaking his head if he heard what the asshole fuckfaces have been up to. So, put on your creepy bib and settle in, this is going to be ugly.

Tye Hilmo is an outrageous asshole fuckface and an enemy to all cats.

There is a special place in hell for men who kill kitties. It involves a large litter box and tons of shit. Also a rape post. And a small cock guillotine.

Tye is an all around fuckface. He was on probation when police searched his home last week and found two pounds of pot and guns. You are not supposed to have two pounds of pot or any guns when you are on probation, so Tye was thrown in the pokey.

Police had also received a tip that Tye was killing cats. Upon searching his home, they found the bodies of two dead kittens. But his cell phone contained the worst evidence of all.

Asshole was capturing neighborhood cats, then injuring them and then finally, he would give them to his pit bulls to finish off. He has been charged with aggravated cruelty to animals.

I would like for Tye to be tied down. Then his skin peeled off and his exposed tissue covered in tuna oil. Then a hundred feral cats should be released to have brunch.

Next up, "counter protester" is another way to say asshole fuckface.

Last Saturday anti-war protestors marched on the capitol. Carlos Arredondo’s son Alex died in Iraq in 2004 and he has created a “traveling memorial” in honor of his son.

Carlos was taking part in the protest and as he walked a group of “counter protesters,” began to follow him and harass him. Finally, one of them tore a picture of Alex off the memorial. It was his non-verbal way of saying, “I support the war and my way of doing that is to insult dead soldier’s parents.”

But the asshole fuckfaces weren’t done with Carlos yet. When Carlos tried to get the photo of his dead son back, five other “counter protesters” attacked him. They beat him and kicked him in the head, legs, stomach and back.

Police broke up the attack. Carlos sustained bruises all over his torso and on his head, but at least now he knows he should support the war. There is no better way to convince a dead soldier’s father to change his mind about the war than to kick him in the head. I think Ghandi said that.

Ah, what would a trip down asshole fuckface lane be without a visit from George Bush?



Yes, he just used an alive Nobel Peace Laureate and international hero as a dead guy in what may be the most retarded analogy ever. Let's see, Saddam killed all the Mandelas, which has totally fucked Iraq. So, if Saddam hadn’t killed all the guys who fight to overcome brutal systems of racial segregation, then Iraq would be in great shape. Those one million plus Iraqi deaths that have occurred since the US occupation began did not kill any of the Mandelas. It's called logic!

Oh, and this is what Mandela thinks about the asshole fuckface known as Bush.

But keep talking about him like he is a dead hero who could have saved Iraq, George, you fucking moron.

And now, one of the many asshole fuckfaces who will never be president.

Rudy Giuliani is such a spectacular asshole fuckface that he looks like a shoo-in for the AF hall of fame. During his political career in New York, Rudy worked hard for gun control. He did not hold back when it came to the NRA.



Rudy even filed a lawsuit against gun manufacturers, such as Colt, Glock and Smith & Wesson, in an attempt to punish them for violent crimes committed with guns. At the time, Rudy said the gun industry “profits from the suffering of innocent people.” Yesterday, a panel of federal judges began hearing arguments on the lawsuit. So, how did Rudy celebrate?

By crawling to the NRA like a bitch and begging for their support. Rudy addressed NRA members on the same day his lawsuit was being heard by a panel of judges, because Rudy is now dedicated to upholding the right of individuals to own weapons. That is some fantastic asshole fuckfacery.

I guess that is why you filed a lawsuit to destroy gun manufacturers, huh? But, hey, Rudy did become a member of the NRA in 2006. And they are apparently stupid enough to buy his shocking political opportunism.

Wow, we just found another asshole fuckface! These two guys are made for each other.

Congrats to this weeks winners. You are all very special in a horrible way. Each asshole fuckface will receive their very own FearTheReaper iPod sheath.