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  • THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 20 2007 9:00 AM

Republicans Complete The Douchebag Trifecta



Yesterday was a great day for horrible people. Congratulations to the Republicans in Congress for stopping three major bills with filibusters. The bills would have helped soldiers, restored habeas corpus and given Washington DC representation. How terrible would that have been?

Lets start with how the Republicans just shoved their fists up our soldier’s anuses. Senator Jim Webb sponsored legislation that would have given our troops a break from the grueling tours that are taking a heavy toll.


Webb's legislation would have required that troops spend as much time at home training with their units as they spend deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan. Members of the National Guard or Reserve would be guaranteed three years at home before being sent back.


Currently, soldiers are spending 15 months in combat with 12 months home. Wouldn’t want to ruin that fun for them. The Republicans are foolishly doing the bidding of the White House and rejecting sanity and reason. Quite simply, they are George’s bitches.


Hagel, R-Neb., said the White House also "has been very effective at making this a loyalty test for the Republican Party."


Stay loyal boys, it worked so well in the last election for you. At least Republicans can take solace in the fact that when our soldiers come home we will deny them their mental health benefits.

Next up on the Republican hate train, the filibuster of a bill to restore habeas corpus for "enemy combatants."


In 2006, Congress passed and Bush signed into law the Military Commissions Act, which established a military-run tribunal system for prosecuting enemy combatants. The provision barring habeas corpus petitions means that only detainees selected for trial are able to confront charges against them, leaving most military detainees in custody without a chance to plead their case.


Can’t see how anything could go wrong with that system. Our president has shown himself to be an honorable man who would never cause anyone harm based on his own distorted beliefs. Currently, he only has to designate someone as an “enemy combatant” and then toss him in prison. Game over. It’s kind of like a medieval dungeon. I say that because habeas corpus was born in 1215. It only took 800 years for a president to come along and tell us that we’ve been wrong that whole time.

There used to be a worldwide belief that America was a nation of laws and people could not be “disappeared” by the government. People never imagined that America was a place where someone could be locked up without trial indefinitely. Those days are over. Nice to see Republicans have taken a page from Saddam Hussein and that they aren’t backing down. Yay!

And in their final stroke of being complete and utter douchebags, Republicans filibustered a bill that would have allowed a city of mostly black people, called Washington DC, to have a vote vote in Congress. So they get to enjoy taxation without representation! How fucking great is that? Did I mention the population is mostly black people?

Republicans actually claimed the bill was unconstitutional.


Minority Leader Mitch McConnell hailed the Senate’s action, declaring the bill was “clearly and unambiguously unconstitutional.” He added, “If the residents of the District are to get a member for themselves, there remains a remedy: amend the Constitution.”


Yes! Apparently Republicans did not realize that stance made them astounding hypocritical douchebags, because they had just taken a steaming dump on the Constitution when they filibustered the habeas corpus bill. Oh, and the DC unconstitutional question was taken into account when the bill was written.


The Constitution also gives Congress power over the District of Columbia, the nation’s capital. And the bill-contained provisions expediting a Supreme Court review of its constitutionality.

“We’re prepared to accept whatever the Supreme Court says”


Woudn't want the experts in the Supreme Court to make that ruling.

But it’s not about the Constitution or the rule of law is it? It’s about the party and making sure their team wins. Whether that means they’re fucking over our soldiers or fucking over black people, it’s Republican first, American second. Right now the GOP cunts are on pace to triple the previous record of using the filibuster in the modern era. Meanwhile, they squeal about “nothing getting done.”

I don’t know what else to say, except “Suck it, you fucking demons.”

 

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DrStinkypants

DrStinkypants

Saint Paul, MN
October 2002

SEP 24, 2007 07:17 AM

chainlink said:

Toku666 said:

smithers_jones said:

Toku666 said:
So...

Nobody is going to step up and say "Abraham Lincoln was a shitty fucking President, so stop holding him up as if anything he did suddenly turned lead to gold?"

I guess I just said it.

He suspended habeas corpus.



HOLY SHIT! I had not heard that before.



I read the whole thread a couple of times before I posted, so thanks for reducing the whole thing to one hilarious punchline.

'Twas great.



Every time I read anything you write all I get is * bla bla bla , bong bubbling, giggle *



right? pipe avatar + glaringly incorrect rants about Lincoln = the internet

DhD_No_Pants

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX
May 2006

SEP 24, 2007 07:52 AM

I'm sure an article about this is probably already being written, but who really needs habeas corpus? It isn't like the U.S. occasionally picks people up, flies them all over the place, interrogates them, keeps them for months, releases them, and then blows not only them off, but other foreign governments when they try to seek some justice or anything.

No big deal, really.

Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

SEP 24, 2007 10:14 AM

ZOMG a guy who smokes pot is saying something!

RUN!

But seriously, it wasn't a rant. I'm not sure what was "glaringly incorrect," and I'm even more unsure as to why everybody wants to gloss over Lincoln's record. In my opinion, if you look at his personal writings, and his voting record, he doesn't look any different from the windsock jerkoffs we have in power today.

I will say that I have to agree with Uncognitive, who I also thank for not immediately knee-jerking a "LOL stoner" reaction. My "shoulda just let 'em secede" notion was not intended in any seriousness itself.

Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

SEP 24, 2007 10:32 PM

Does somebody want to help me out, then, or are you all too busy making fun of how I look?

If I'm wrong, explain it. I'm not unreasonable, and if you can teach me something I'll be glad of the lesson.

But if you just want to fire one-liners and ridicule me, then: (and I mean this in the most gentle and brotherly manner possible) Go fuck yourself.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

SEP 25, 2007 08:10 AM

Daves not here

smithers_jones

smithers_jones

I'm lost
November 2003

SEP 25, 2007 08:42 AM

Toku666 said:
Does somebody want to help me out, then, or are you all too busy making fun of how I look?

If I'm wrong, explain it. I'm not unreasonable, and if you can teach me something I'll be glad of the lesson.

But if you just want to fire one-liners and ridicule me, then: (and I mean this in the most gentle and brotherly manner possible) Go fuck yourself.



For what its worth, man, you've totally convinced me to not vote for Lincoln in 2008.

Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

SEP 25, 2007 05:58 PM

oyaji said:
You come in here and repeat a threadjack that's been roundly dismissed and debunked. You act as if you are making a meaningful contribution. Then you wonder why people are making fun of your absurd profile pic. Wake up, hop-head. You are behaving like a caricature. Stop now and or leave the thread. KTHX BYE.



Except that isn't how it went. Yes, I repeated a threadjack as part of a different point. Other people brought up habeas corpus with regards to Lincoln to try to make it seem as if it isn't so bad that George Bush is doing that, because Lincoln is SUPER-PRESIDENT (tm).

Really all I wanted to do was point out that not everybody thinks of Lincoln in that way. Further, it isn't all that logically sound. I'm not sure if it really falls under tu quoque but since you're the Thread Master super-brain with a law degree maybe you'll tell me.

...or maybe you'll just be an asshole saying "KTHX BYE" again.

But seriously, in my prior post I wasn't being confrontational, and it wasn't a challenge. Enlighten me if you can. Continue fucking yourself if you can't.

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