The time has come for you to set your gaze upon this week’s worst people alive. Every week I dig through the news to find Asshole Fuckfaces and bring their disturbing acts to you. It causes me great pain and suffering. The amount of sickening, horrible acts that I have to wade through to find the worst would drive most humans insane. But I am strong. So, put on your rubber apron because this is going to be ugly.

For our first Asshole Fuckface, we head to the insane state of Texas.

Claude Jones was executed by the state of Texas in December 2000 for a 1989 liquor store robbery and murder. He was convicted due to the testimony of a witness and a single hair.

The witness told police that Jones told him he robbed the store and committed the murder. But that was 1989. In 2004, the witness changed his story and said Jones never said any such thing. It was really bad timing because Jones had been executed four years before. So, a “thank you” was not coming.

The lone hair on the counter turned out to have once been living on Jones’ head. That is what is known as a coinkydink. But the hair was not DNA tested because it was 1989. During the trial, an expert said the hair was consistent with the hair from Jones skull. The jury bought it and Jones is now dead.

Recently, the Innocence Project became involved. They wanted a DNA test done on the hair in order to find out if Jones was actually guilty. That is when the San Jacinto County DA said he was going to destroy the hair. Now, that is an asshole fuckface who loves the truth.

The Innocence Project filed a motion to stop the DA from destroying the hair and a judge agreed. On October 3rd, a hearing will be held to decide whether or not DNA tests should be performed. Texas has executed 403 people since 1982. Since 1994, 29 people in Texas have been exonerated through DNA testing. But why slow down, right?

The next asshole fuckfaces on the agenda are an old classic: The Republican Party!

Hey, if you can’t win an election in California, why not try to break the law to get a few electoral votes? California Republicans think it is a good idea to change the states allocation of electoral votes from “winner take all” to divvying them up by district. Currently Republicans stand no chance of getting anything out of California, but if they were to pull this off they might end up with 22 electoral votes. That is more than enough to swing an election. The GOP is moving closer to getting their plan placed on the June 2008 ballot as an initiative. There’s just one big hang up.

The hilarious thing about this Republican attempt to steal electoral votes is that the Supreme Court recently affirmed a previous ruling about the power the Constitution gives to state legislatures in choosing electors. It occurred in a little case called Bush vs. Gore.

Although the ruling certainly won’t slow the Republicans because the Constitution hasn’t exactly stopped them from taking action recently…

Next up, what’s worse than Christian family values? How about asshole fuckface Nazi family values?

Eva Herman is a conservative talk show host in Germany who was recently promoting her latest book The Noah's Ark Principle -- Why We Must Save the Family, when she said that Hitler’s family policies were good for the country. Herman claimed Hitler’s cash bonuses for extra children and the death penalty for abortions were examples of good Nazi "pro-family" policies.

And nothing says “family values” like murdering six million mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, daughters and sons.

Poor Eva was fired from her show. Sad.

Speaking of family values, good old West Virginia is home to the worst asshole fuckface family of all time.

The Brewster family of Big Creek had a little torture session in their trailer last week. It all started when Bobby’s latest lady, Megan Williams, stopped by the pad. The family decided to hold her captive and have some fun.

For an entire week, Williams was raped, knifed, choked and beaten. She was also forced to eat rat and dog shit, drink from the toilet and had boiling hot water poured on her. To top it off, they called her “nigger” while they committed their heinous acts.

Police arrested Danny J. Combs, 20; George A. Messer, 27; Karen Burton, 46, and her daughter Alisha Burton, 23; Bobby R. Brewster, 24, and his mother Frankie Brewster, 49, at Frankie Brewster's home. Brewster, his mom and Combs could all receive life in prison for kidnapping and sexual assault. The others face various charges.

Williams has been in the hospital since the attack and is a mess.

The Brewster family and their friends are a dark stain on the face of the planet. Altogether, the six people have been charged with 108 separate offenses since 1991.

It would not be so bad if they were all killed in prison.

Each of this week's winners get a FearTheReaper cat collar. Congrats!