Our war against evil polar bears should be wrapped up by 2050, according to scientists. That is the projected year that there will be very, very, few polar bears on the Earth. Then we will have to deal with a massive seal explosion, but bats are being prepared as I write.

I guess Coke will have to find a new mascot, which is upsetting.

The US Geological Survey created the report, which is part of a review to determine whether or not polar bears should be put on the Endangered Species List. Currently there are 22,000 polar bears running around the planet, murdering things. But as temps heat up, sea ice melts and polar bears die.

Yes! It will like we have created polar bear quarantines, which they deserve because they are similar to lepers. Except they kill with their giant paws and gnashing teeth, instead of an infectious disease. Thankfully, there will be no polar bears in Alaska, which means no polar bears in America.

Regardless of what action the world’s governments decide to take on greenhouse gases, the Arctic ice cap will continue to shrink for the next 50 years, so the bears are fucked. This summer the ice shrank faster than any year since satellite tracking began in 1979.

The Fish and Wildlife Service will determine whether or not the polar bear will be placed on the Endangered Species list in January.