War Against Polar Bears Almost Over
Our war against evil polar bears should be wrapped up by 2050, according to scientists. That is the projected year that there will be very, very, few polar bears on the Earth. Then we will have to deal with a massive seal explosion, but bats are being prepared as I write.
Two-thirds of the worlds polar bears will disappear by 2050, even under moderate projections for shrinking summer sea ice caused by greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, government scientists reported on Friday.
I guess Coke will have to find a new mascot, which is upsetting.
The US Geological Survey created the report, which is part of a review to determine whether or not polar bears should be put on the Endangered Species List. Currently there are 22,000 polar bears running around the planet, murdering things. But as temps heat up, sea ice melts and polar bears die.
The scientists concluded that, while the bears were not likely to be driven to extinction, they would be largely relegated to the Arctic archipelago of Canada and spots off the northern Greenland coast, where summer sea ice tends to persist even in warm summers like this one, a shrinking that could be enough to reduce the bear population by two-thirds.
Yes! It will like we have created polar bear quarantines, which they deserve because they are similar to lepers. Except they kill with their giant paws and gnashing teeth, instead of an infectious disease. Thankfully, there will be no polar bears in Alaska, which means no polar bears in America.
Regardless of what action the worlds governments decide to take on greenhouse gases, the Arctic ice cap will continue to shrink for the next 50 years, so the bears are fucked. This summer the ice shrank faster than any year since satellite tracking began in 1979.
A spokeswoman for the White House declined to comment on the report, saying it was part of decision making at the Interior Department, parent of the survey.
The Fish and Wildlife Service will determine whether or not the polar bear will be placed on the Endangered Species list in January.
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Comments
chikinhammr
Orlando, FL
April 2006
SEP 09, 2007 06:29 PM
BlastProcessing
USA
OLD SKOOL
SEP 09, 2007 07:26 PM
fountainofdreams
Batavia, IL
January 2005
SEP 09, 2007 07:56 PM
BlastProcessing
USA
OLD SKOOL
SEP 09, 2007 08:18 PM
Red_Russian13
Dayton, OH
February 2004
SEP 10, 2007 07:51 AM
FearTheReaper
NEWSWIRE
I'm lost
SEP 10, 2007 08:50 AM
DhD_No_Pants
Katy, TX
May 2006
SEP 10, 2007 08:54 AM
NickFaust
USA
April 2004
SEP 10, 2007 09:43 AM
NickFaust
USA
April 2004
SEP 10, 2007 09:47 AM
BlastProcessing
USA
OLD SKOOL
SEP 10, 2007 09:48 AM
DhD_No_Pants
Katy, TX
May 2006
SEP 10, 2007 09:53 AM
fountainofdreams
Batavia, IL
January 2005
SEP 10, 2007 11:50 AM
NickFaust
USA
April 2004
SEP 10, 2007 02:21 PM
SockPuppet
I'm lost
July 2006
SEP 10, 2007 03:27 PM
shapeshifter23
San Francisco, CA
September 2005
SEP 10, 2007 04:44 PM
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