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  • SUNDAY AUGUST 26 2007 9:00 AM

Teen Breaks Through Australian Anal Wall



Australia is retarded. There, I said it. The whole continent. All the people living on it. Retarded. Except for one teenager. He is smart. How could I reach such a conclusion about an entire continent? Because of the way Australia is handling porn. Sweet, sweet porn.

The Australian government created an $84 million porn filter for the Internet The NetAlert filter was released on Tuesday and the country rejoiced because Australia’s children we so very much safer. Kids could go back to being kids and would no longer have to endure the relentless thrusting of cocks in and out of vaginas on their monitors. Australia had managed to do what American politicians cannot: Turn all of Australia into a 1950s sitcom.

The country’s new Leave It To Beaver bliss lasted about 30 minutes. That is how long it took 16-year-old student Tom Wood to break through the porn filter. That is $84 million well spent.


Tom, who attends a Melbourne private school, can deactivate the filter after several clicks.

His method ensures the software's toolbar icon is not deleted.

He can leave his parents believing the filter is still working.


Thirty minutes. I’m going to go on record here and say that governments should not waste money on programs like porn filters. Any software creator who is even slightly talented will not work at a low paying government job when they can make much more money at a private company. The result is a porn filter that can be cracked by teenagers, who are probably savvier than the idiot who created the system anyway.

Also, maybe parents should be the porn filters. Why the fuck does the government have to be involved in whether or not kids see sweet, sweet porn? I find government involvement in who sees porn to be more obscene than a cock penetrating a woman’s anus over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Oof. Here’s an idea: Keep the computer in the living room, or another space where kids can always be watched. Throw your own software on your own computer to keep the kids off Suicide Girls. The fact that governments needs to keep kids from watching sex is retarded. Especially when violent images seem to be okey-dokey. Money shot or gun shot? That is the question.


Communications Minister Helen Coonan said the government had anticipated children would find ways to get around the NetAlert filters.


Really? In 30 minutes? Bullshit.


Unfortunately, no single measure can protect children from online harm and ... traditional parenting skills have never been more important.


Uh, yeah. I guess that is why you spent $84 million on a useless porn filter.

Sixteen-year-old Tom explained to the situation to the government


"It's a horrible waste of money," he said. "They could get a much better filter for a few million dollars made here rather than paying overseas companies for an ineffective one."


I think young Tom is applying for a job.

FearTheReaper knows America is really weird about porn, also. But that does not mean he can’t rip on an island of criminal spawn when they deserve it.

 

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Comments
Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

AUG 26, 2007 10:32 AM

AkiraLi said:

Dogslife said:
Australia: trying to be America on Canada's budget since 1901.


I didn't want to laugh at that, but I can't help it. biggrin


Same here.

Also, I just want to say that this is surely one of the three most awesome news story headlines in history, right up there "Corpse-Eating Rats Now Largest Military Force in Europe" from November 6th, 1918.

14thWarrior

14thWarrior

Kitchener, ON
December 2005

AUG 26, 2007 10:34 AM

AkiraLi said:

Dogslife said:
Australia: trying to be America on Canada's budget since 1901.



I didn't want to laugh at that, but I can't help it. biggrin



Same here. biggrin

_kungfoo_

_kungfoo_

Los Angeles, CA
April 2005

AUG 26, 2007 10:40 AM

RobCreekmore said:
If only the American GOP could get past that pesky first amendment.



They're working on adding a Jesus clause to that.

Duramater

Duramater

Australia
May 2007

AUG 26, 2007 10:47 AM

I was going to write a post here telling you to get f$#ked for labelling my fellow australians as retards but then the 1st 2 out of 3 posts were Australians agreeing with you. So, what can i do?

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

AUG 26, 2007 10:50 AM

Jace said:
I think it's better than tossing a few dozen FBI agents, who could be doing stuff like catching serial killers and UFOs and whatever else they do, on a crazy anti-porn squad. What country did that, again?



oooooh! ooh! i know! it was ours!

GRAK

GRAK

Iraq
February 2007

AUG 26, 2007 10:55 AM

Duramater said:
I was going to write a post here telling you to get f$#ked for labelling my fellow australians as retards but then the 1st 2 out of 3 posts were Australians agreeing with you. So, what can i do?



You can go watch sweet, sweet porn over and over and over and over and over and over,....

NikkiIs

NikkiIs

Drexel, MO
April 2005

AUG 26, 2007 11:00 AM

I find it much easier to allow my step children free access to porn. Once the initial "OOOOh I'm looking at porn" phase wore off, they have really shown no interest. The same went for drinking and sex. Once the 16 year old found out he had free access to the bar and could do his girlfriend in his own bed, (and we would supply the condoms), he's pretty much said thanks but no thanks. I guess it's not as much fun if you can get away with it.

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

AUG 26, 2007 11:11 AM

Duramater said:
I was going to write a post here telling you to get f$#ked for labelling my fellow australians as retards but then the 1st 2 out of 3 posts were Australians agreeing with you. So, what can i do?



You can

A) Agree with FTR
B) Call FTR some name
C) Carry on
D) Find Porn
E) All of the above

switters28

switters28

Australia
November 2005

AUG 26, 2007 11:17 AM

Lemonkid said:
I can't even conceive of how a government could spend 87 million dollars on this. Are like weirdo religious extremists in power there or something?



yes unfortunately they are

aaronthere

aaronthere

San Francisco, CA
September 2003

AUG 26, 2007 11:19 AM

I like the idea of a 50's non-porn world called "leave it to beaver". this had to be an intentional pun.

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006

AUG 26, 2007 11:24 AM

Question is, was it 84 million Australian dollars or US dollars? Because 84 million Australian is like, what, $3.50 American?

tongue

claudewildman

claudewildman

Decatur, GA
June 2006

AUG 26, 2007 11:25 AM

There are some lovely Suicide Girls from Australia. Are they "retarded" as well? Saying an entire continent of people are "retarded" is completly out of line. You give liberal bloggers a bad name.

Gringo

Gringo

Spokane, WA
May 2006

AUG 26, 2007 11:28 AM

rebelwithstyle said:
You give liberal bloggers a bad name.


New Bon Jovi song?

capitalistfig

capitalistfig

Los Angeles, CA
November 2004

AUG 26, 2007 11:33 AM

NikkiIs said:
I find it much easier to allow my step children free access to porn. Once the initial "OOOOh I'm looking at porn" phase wore off, they have really shown no interest. The same went for drinking and sex. Once the 16 year old found out he had free access to the bar and could do his girlfriend in his own bed, (and we would supply the condoms), he's pretty much said thanks but no thanks. I guess it's not as much fun if you can get away with it.



Okay. This makes no sense.

"I find it much easier to not parent, and let my kids parent themselves!"

I know I only have sex, drink and look at porn because my parents don't know. eeek

switters28

switters28

Australia
November 2005

AUG 26, 2007 11:35 AM

RudieCantFail said:
Question is, was it 84 million Australian dollars or US dollars? Because 84 million Australian is like, what, $3.50 American?

tongue



Actually the australian dollar buys 80 us cents. I can see you've thought really hard about that joke but next time know what your talking about first.

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