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  • THURSDAY JULY 26 2007 9:00 AM

Alberto Gonzalez Is Possessed By A Clowntard



Alberto Gonzalez testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on Tuesday. I now know why someone decided to put the work “fucking” in the middle of the word “unbelievable.” It was truly unfuckingbelievable. Many idiots have served in high-level positions in our government over the years, but I think we have finally found the dumbest man out of all those idiots.

Gonzalez lied, denied and babbled his way through the questioning. It would be considered a disgraceful performance for a plumber. As Attorney General of the United States it was so pathetic that he should have gone home, put a shotgun between his teeth and pulled the trigger. No one would have blamed him.

Gonzalez acted like a man who is not in charge of the Justice Department with many of the questions he answered. For example, when Senator Whitehouse expressed great concern that the Vice President was being informed about Department of Justice investigations.


Whitehouse: What on earth business does the OVP have [with respect to] ongoing investigations at DOJ?

Gonzalez: Good question.


Yes! It’s a great fucking question and you are actually in charge of the department, which means you are the man responsible. That means you’re supposed to take responsibility and answer it. If you don’t take responsibility, then you should come up with a clever answer or a smart, lawyer-like denial of some sort. What you should not say is; “Good question,” or “Hey, that’s nifty,” or “How about that?” or "Boo Ya!" It makes me, an American, feel a deep horror that someone as stupid as you could be in charge of the Department of Justice.

That was just one of the many idiotic moments provided by the Attorney General. Here the clown went mano-a-mano with Senator Schumer.



Nice going, fuckface. You just broke the law. Gonzalez did not assert privilege, he did not say he could not remember, he just refused to answer the question. The Attorney General of the United States just broke the law.


Contempt of Congress is defined in statute, 2 U.S.C.A. § 192, enacted in 1938, which states that any person who is summoned before Congress who "willfully makes default, or who, having appeared, refuses to answer any question pertinent to the question under inquiry" shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and subject to a maximum $1,000 fine and 12 month imprisonment.


Anyone see a problem with the AG blatantly breaking the law? What about just being an idiot?


FEINSTEIN: Oh, no -- total. How many names have you approved for firing?

GONZALES: You mean total, for cause, not for cause? I'd have to get back to you on that.

FEINSTEIN: There were seven on December 7.

GONZALES: Seven on December 7.

FEINSTEIN: We're now up to nine that we know about. How many -- this is important -- how many U.S. attorneys did you approve to be summarily fired?

GONZALES: Senator, there may have been others. I would be happy to get back to you with that kind of information about who has left. But I don't know the answer to your question. But I can certainly find out.

FEINSTEIN: You don't know, after all we've been through, the hearing after hearing after hearing?


Nope. The US Attorney scandal broke in March but Gonzalez still has not done any research to find out why he fired the people he fired. He should sit himself down and ask himself some questions because he is making himself look like an idiot. At the very least he should call himself to check in and catch up.

Gonzalez was also caught in a blatant lie when he was questioned about an emergency meeting with Congressional leaders, known as the "Gang of 8," on March 10, 2004. Gonzalez was counsel to Bush at the time and briefed the “Gang of 8” about the warrantless eavesdropping program. But on Tuesday, Gonzalez repeatedly claimed he did not discuss the surveillance program in the meeting. Instead, he says the meeting was about another intelligence program that he can’t talk about. A super-duper secret program. It's so secret, he might not even have told himself.


"The dissent related to other intelligence activities," Gonzales testified at Tuesday's hearing. "The dissent was not about the terrorist surveillance program."

"Not the TSP?" responded Sen. Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y. "Come on. If you say it's about other, that implies not. Now say it or not."

"It was not," Gonzales answered. "It was about other intelligence activities."


Man, that would be a great story if it were true. So far, "Gang of 8" members Senator Jay Rockefeller, Senator Tom Daschle, Representative Jane Harmon and Representative Nancy Pelosi have all stated that Gonzalez’s claim is false. All four say Gonzalez only spoke of the surveillance program and a memo from the national intelligence director’s office supports their claim.


A four-page memo from the national intelligence director's office shows that the White House briefing with the eight lawmakers on March 10, 2004, was about the terror surveillance program, or TSP.

The memo, dated May 17, 2006, and addressed to then-House Speaker Dennis Hastert, details "the classification of the dates, locations, and names of members of Congress who attended briefings on the Terrorist Surveillance Program," wrote then-Director of National Intelligence John Negroponte.


So, on one side, four Congressional lawmakers who are supported by an intelligence document, and on the other side, a complete idiot. I'm going with the latter. It's not like it's the first time that Alberto lied to Congress. Just two weeks ago, Gonzalez was caught lying about his knowledge of the FBI abusing anti-terrorism laws.


As he sought to renew the USA Patriot Act two years ago, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales assured lawmakers that the FBI had not abused its potent new terrorism-fighting powers. “There has not been one verified case of civil liberties abuse,” Gonzales told senators on April 27, 2005.

Six days earlier, the FBI sent Gonzales a copy of a report that said its agents had obtained personal information that they were not entitled to have. It was one of at least half a dozen reports of legal or procedural violations that Gonzales received in the three months before he made his statement to the Senate intelligence committee, according to internal FBI documents released under the Freedom of Information Act.


For a lawyer to behave in such a manner is astounding. It is incomprehensible for the Attorney General. There are two reasons Bush would keep this complete and total moron on the job. Either he wants someone who comes across as more pathetic than he is, or he can’t let Gonzalez go because of all the dirty secrets he is hiding. Congress should impeach Gonzalez, convict him of contempt and he should be disbarred.

 

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Comments
Towelly

Towelly

Philadelphia, PA
January 2007

JUL 26, 2007 03:28 PM

bean said:

Towelly said:


For a lawyer to behave in such a manner is astounding. It is incomprehensible for the Attorney General. There are two reasons Bush would keep this complete and total moron on the job. Either he wants someone who comes across as more pathetic than he is, or he can't let Gonzalez go because of all the dirty secrets he is hiding. Congress should impeach Gonzalez, convict him of contempt and he should be disbarred.



The best way I've heard it described is in World of Warcraft terms: Gonzalez is the tank that just pulled very badly and drew a shitload more mobs than the party can handle. Of course, as the tank, he's also drawing the most aggro of any of the party, which keeps the mobs beating on him. If the tank goes down, however, the mobs attack the rest of the party and quickly wipe the group. So what you're seeing right now is the attempt by the rest of the party to heal, bandage, throw healing potions to, and whatever else the party can think of to keep the tank alive. For his part, he's faithfully not panicking and doing things to reduce his aggro generation in hopes that he can whittle down the number of mobs to a manageable number. So I suppose in a way he ought to be commended for being a decent tank, if a crappy puller.


Except his mitigation is obviously too low.

Also: he got feared into an add.



Very astute.

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JUL 26, 2007 03:29 PM

PatrickY said:

yourfashionwar said:

wildswan said:
Yes, he is. Karl Rove has been subpoenaed too, so this is a banner day - at least on the face of things.



karl rove is wiping his ass with that subpoena even as we speak.



Then let's all fervently wish he gets a paper cut.



Gah! That's as disgusting as it is hilarious.

BigBadDaddy

BigBadDaddy

Portland, OR
June 2003

JUL 26, 2007 03:36 PM

This is a monumental embarrassment to our country. A disgrace of epic proportions. The fact that this man is supposed to represent the top legal mind in the execution of the laws of the United States is un-fucking-believable. Not only is he a moron, much-like the man who appointed him, he's a horrendous LIAR!!! Fucker. Fuck Face, Douche Bag, Shit for Brains, No Good Son of a Bitch...take your pick. I can't get over the fact that I have to actually pay taxes so this kind of cretin can continue to promote the half-witted and very dangerous policies of the Bush administration. I'm so disgusted I'm going to go get sick now.... puke

Waynbo

Waynbo

San Jose, CA
February 2007

JUL 26, 2007 03:39 PM

Can we hope that this starts a domino effect that topples the Party elite? Theres a whole long line of them that needs to go directly to jail.

WADO

WADO

Brooklyn, NY
March 2006

JUL 26, 2007 04:02 PM

Sometimes, like after hearing about anything having to do with AG, I start to wish my brain would just hurry up and die already. But it doesn't, stupid plucky fuck, it just keeps on thinking and reading and trying to understand.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUL 26, 2007 04:18 PM

Uncognitive said:

Zarth said:

yourfashionwar said:

wildswan said:
Yes, he is. Karl Rove has been subpoenaed too, so this is a banner day - at least on the face of things.


karl rove is wiping his ass with that subpoena even as we speak.


What subpoena?


This one.


A little slow today?

MrStitches

MrStitches

Brooklyn, NY
November 2003

JUL 26, 2007 05:57 PM

HHhahahahahahaahahha. . .hahahaha.. .. aahhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaa. Ahhhhh.

xazapdmytinu

xazapdmytinu

Fort Collins, CO
July 2007

JUL 26, 2007 06:44 PM

<brbrbrbrbrbr> wha???

this may sound kinda racists...but does that guy speak English? I have a feeling that we would have had better luck communicating with him in pictographs (Fuck I am going to have to whip myself 70 times for how awful that sounds)

what I mean to say is...is this man capable of communicating in ANY language or do we have to put him in front of a touch screen with pictures of the entire cabinet and everyone who was fired and have cocoa the gorilla explain the interface to him?

and I realize that I could TOTALLY erase my vaguely racist comments but let's face it...I sort of like sounding like an asshole...just as long as nobody actually thinks I'm a racists asshole...

I'm totally digging a whole aren't I...

fook blackeyed

scylis

scylis

USA
November 2004

JUL 26, 2007 07:18 PM

xazapdmytinu said:
<brbrbrbrbrbr> wha???

this may sound kinda racists...but does that guy speak English? I have a feeling that we would have had better luck communicating with him in pictographs (Fuck I am going to have to whip myself 70 times for how awful that sounds)

what I mean to say is...is this man capable of communicating in ANY language or do we have to put him in front of a touch screen with pictures of the entire cabinet and everyone who was fired and have cocoa the gorilla explain the interface to him?

and I realize that I could TOTALLY erase my vaguely racist comments but let's face it...I sort of like sounding like an asshole...just as long as nobody actually thinks I'm a racists asshole...

I'm totally digging a whole aren't I...

fook blackeyed



why would it be considered racist? he's a lawyer. lawyers don't speak English, they speak Legalese (and it is very amusing that Legalese doesn't prompt a squiggly red line under it). which could, in fact, be the language used by those shark-people bankers in the novel Battlefield Earth (not that horrendous, MST3K-worthy movie version). for this alone, i want to kill most lawyers. and, yes, i read the book. it was fun. it's a lot like reading a Rifts campaign that was made into a book: kinda silly, but fun, and the main characters (/players) found out a way to break the game within the rules and got stupidly huge amounts of power.

Hussein

Hussein

I'm lost
March 2004

JUL 26, 2007 07:28 PM

bean said:
And an hour ago they asked for a special prosecutor to investigate him.



Gonzalez is going down.



Yeah, but Christ, the Titanic dropped like a fucking boulder next to this.

punk

punk

Phoenix, AZ
January 2004

JUL 26, 2007 07:47 PM

Do you think his downfall will come in time for Christmas this year?

KidMorlock

KidMorlock

Indianapolis, IN
October 2003

JUL 26, 2007 07:52 PM

My thoughts and prayers go out to the alternate universe Earth that got this shemp as a Supreme Court Justice.

Adroitbeing

Adroitbeing

I'm lost
September 2003

JUL 26, 2007 07:59 PM

Alberto may become the kid thrown under the bus as Karl designs more diversions in an effort to make the Democrats look like they are on a vendetta. His hopes may be that some Americans repulse the vendetta and it may swing a few voters; but thankfully, he has lost this next round.

While I would love to see Alberto and others hang for their behavior, in a couple of years we will treat this administration, their foibles, and Alberto with that indifferent humor that emerges following recognition that (some) people made a really big mistake. It will sound like, "geez, what the fuck were we thinkin? That guy was such a clown. Hey, pop me a beer."

This administration has made me a fucking cynic.

Himes

Himes

Brooklyn, NY
October 2006

JUL 26, 2007 08:31 PM

I find it rather unnerving how much Gonzo and Bush articulate the same way and vocalize in very similar ways

It's almost like he's george's non-union mexican equivalent!!!

Shal

Shal

Los Angeles, CA
October 2002

JUL 26, 2007 10:32 PM

KidMorlock said:
My thoughts and prayers go out to the alternate universe Earth that got this shemp as a Supreme Court Justice.



Erm.. He's not on the Supreme Court. He's the Attorney General. Massive difference, there.

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