I’m going to ask you to try to remember the way things used to be many moons ago, in the year of our Lord two thousand and five. A different party was in control of our Congress. They were known as “The Republicans” and they wanted to do what was best for America. The evil “Democrats” stood in their way.

The Republicans began threatening to use the "Nuclear Option." Senator Trent Lott came up with the name Nuclear Option when discussing the possibility of the Republican majority voting to end the Democrats use of filibusters to stop judicial nominees. The Republicans also couldn’t stop using the phrase, “Let us have an up or down vote.” They were enraged that the minority party would use a legal tactic to stop Bush’s extremist nominees from reaching the bench. Bill Frist explained the injustice.

Oh, no, tyranny! Republicans said it was, “intolerable.” Democrats had used the filibuster to block 10 out of Bush’s 229 nominees! Those motherfuckers! Never mind that the number was far lower than under the previous three presidents. Republicans should get to do what ever the fuck they want!

Thankfully, the Gang of 14 solved the crisis. The gang was made up of seven moderate Republican and Democratic Senators. Together, they had enough votes to end the stand off and allow Samuel Alito to become the newest member of the Supreme Court. Basically, seven Democrats turned out to be pussies and now we have a Supreme Court that would get on its knees and blow corporations. (I mean, if corporations actually had cocks.)

But now, the tables have turned and the Democrats are in charge of Congress. So, how are the Republicans handling it? Are they giving “up or down votes” on legislation? They did scream about it for years, so surely they will stand behind their beliefs now, right? Shockingly, no. The Republicans are actually on track to be the most obstructionist minority in the history of Congress.

Cloture votes shut off extended debate and stop legislation from getting an up or down vote. Democrats would need 60 votes to overcome a filibuster, a number they can’t reach because of their slim majority. Basically, they’re fucked.

This means the Republicans have been able to stop Democrats from ending the Iraq war. They seem unconcerned that a solid majority of Americans want the war to end. Republicans have also blocked legislation on immigration, energy, labor rights and prescription drugs. Majority leader Harry Reid claims it is because Republicans have moved too far to the right.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell sees it another way. He just wants the Democrats to compromise, by bending over and allowing Republicans to shove their cocks inside them. (Or vaginas)

That is a great idea! Take a chance, Democrats and vote for the Nuclear Option.