It's 7-7-07. You know what that means! It's time for another Asshole Fuckface Roundup! There are an enormous amount of assholes in the world but only a few make the cut and land up on the FearTheReaper Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Here are this week's winners:

First up, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold has been getting quite a bit of press lately for taking the lead on environmental issues.

Yay! He’s an environmentalist! No, wait, that’s not right. What would you call him? Uh...oh, yeah, he’s a fucking liar. Arnold recently fired the executive officer of the California Air Resources Board for “not being tough enough.” The executive officer claimed he was fired for “pushing to implement more aggressive action to curb global warming than the administration supports.”

Then another board member quit. She also claimed the "green governor" was pressing the board to go easy on businesses. The board is supposed to be an independent of the governor’s office.

In an attempt to stop the bleeding, Arnold has appointed a staunch environmentalist to run the board, but the damage has already been done.

Sounds like Arnold has learned a lot from our current president. Keep destroying everything that is good in our government, boys. And, to add a little icing on the cake, Arnold has been taking lavish trips that are paid for by a "nonprofit group."

Isn’t that awesome? If anyone needs to be taken care of due to a lack of funds, it’s Arnold. Just last week he went to Austria, England and France. He gets to fly on plush private jets and stay in hotel suites that cost thousands of dollars a night. And it’s all paid for by charities!

Didn’t take Arnold long to become a corrupt Asshole Fuckface, but then again, I didn’t expect much from the star of Twins. (I do expect a lot from Danny Devito, however.)

It wouldn’t be an Asshole Fuckface Roundup without a ridiculous lawsuit. Meet Susan McBride. She’s an employee who has been nearly crippled by pretty scents.

Not since the great pants lawsuit of 2007 has there been a more idiotic use of the judicial system. I can’t wait until someone sues a co-worker for showing him or her blueberries. It will happen. A year ago a co-worker started working in the office and nearly killed McBride.

McBride claims the work environment is in “violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act.” She is demanding perfumes and other smells be banned at work. Oh, and she wants a cash settlement. The poor woman has been through hell, smelling perfumes and room deodorizers. She is basically a cripple now, from all the smelling and whatnot. She deserves a few million at least. Or, alternatively, someone could cram a deodorizer up her arse.

What would an Asshole Fuckface round up be without a fat, white, corrupt Republican?

Meet Representative Ken Calvert of California. He’s a class act. In 2001, a Riverside park district asked to buy four acres of land, with the hope of turning it into a park. The land could have been the only park in a lower-income, mainly Hispanic neighborhood. Unfortunately for the poor people, Calvert had his eye on the land, too. He snatched it up in what appears to be an illegal transaction.

Just doing the work of the people. Who needs a fucking park? Kids love mini-storage facilities!

The grand jury concluded that the city agency did not follow the law when it sold the property to Calvert. The agency was required by law to offer the land to other government entities before it was sold to private investors. The park district will now go to court to get the land. It must have just been a coincidence that the land was sold to Calvert and his fellow investors.

Just as it must have been a coincidence in 2005 when Calvert bought four-acres of land that quickly doubled in price. It also must have been a coincidence that he used his influence to get funding for a nearby freeway interchange. But he’s got a great excuse.

Ha ha! Good one! I hope you crammed a cigar in your mouth after you said that and then flipped a coin to a street urchin, you asshole fuckface.

Speaking of Asshole Fuckfaces, it didn’t take long for the Scooter Libby supporters to climb out from under their rocks.

They have a great defense for Bush’s total disrespect for the rule of law. It is really simple, they just scream, “Clinton, Clinton, Clinton,” until they pass out. The only problem is they end up looking like hypocritical assholes. It is rare they get called on it, but when they do it is a beautiful sight.



I am no fan of Clinton, but there is a pretty profound difference between the two acts. Clinton lied under oath because he didn’t want to talk about getting blowjobs from a woman. He could not be convicted of perjury because the federal statute requires that “the lie be about something material to the case.” The judge in Clinton’s case ruled his statements were not material to the case and excluded all evidence about Lewinsky from the suit. Therefore, Clinton was never tried or convicted of perjury.

Libby, on the other hand, was convicted of four counts of perjury, obstruction of justice and making false statements. Libby did all that while working for the administration and probably protecting Cheney. The prosecutor said, “there is a dark cloud over the Vice President.” BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE.

The time when convicted criminals come forth to broker a deal and give up their criminal friends is right before they go to prison. Which means Bush undermined one of the prosecutor’s best tools to get the truth. It seems Bush has obstructed justice, by commuting the sentence of Libby's obstruction of justice conviction in an attempt to avoid holding the Administration accountable for its actions. You are an idiot if you equate this action to anything Clinton did.

But I shouldn’t even be getting into the argument of what Clinton did. Why? Because blaming Clinton for something does not excuse Bush for what is clearly abuse of his power. If we want to live under those rules, then I submit that what John Wayne Gacy did was totally cool because Jeffrey Dahmer did the same thing. Fucking morons.

Last but not least, the Republican Party.

Yesterday, the Republican Party unveiled their South Dakota candidate to run against Democrat Tim Johnson for the US Senate. Meet state representative Joel D. Dykstra. He is a complete religious nut job, but that is what the Republicans love these days. Dyksta received a degree in business from Oral Roberts University in 1980. He then had a delightful 19-year career in the oil and gas exploration industry. He is like a Republican wet dream.

But Dykstra has never had a greater moment than on April 20, 2006 during an abortion debate, when he said this:

I don’t know, they really are such vague buzzwords. It’s like murder. What the fuck does that even mean?

Congrats to this weeks Asshole Fuckface winners! You each get a free FearTheReaper T-shirt!