Volume 8 of the FTR series in which he puts the word "fuck" in front of a presidential candidate's name.

For those seeking a candidate to fill their horrible Ralph Nader hole, Ron Paul is you man. He is completely void of any possibility of winning an election, so you may clamor on for years about how fucked up things are and how great Ron Paul would have been. Of course, you will have to avoid talking about the fact that Ron Paul is an enormous douche bag.

Let me start by saying Ron Paul is a racist. There is just no way around that fact. Ron Paul used to write a newsletter back in the '80s and '90s called the Ron Paul Political Report. The name was changed to the Ron Paul Survival Report in 1993 due to the fact that the newsletter was becoming so popular with the many lunatic militia groups around the country. It was around the time the survivalist movement was peaking.

The report had around 7,000 subscribers and was eight pages long. The mainstream media has yet to be able to track down a copy of the newsletter because it was largely only sent to nut jobs. Ron Paul still has copies, but he refuses to make them public because of the horrifying words contained in those pages. One of his supporters did, however, post a copy of a newsletter to a newsgroup in 1993. To say Paul has a demented racist view would be an understatement. Here’s a sample:

Good stuff and exactly the kind of ideas we need from a leader. Of course, Racist Paul has distanced himself from his own newsletter. He now claims he did not write it. It just had his name at the top. So, either he’s incompetent or he is a racist. Paul has chosen incompetent.

Yes, it must have been difficult to oversee the writing of 8 pages of a monthly document. Where would you find the time? I’m sure he never looked it over. Except his own spokesman said the exact opposite to the Houston Chronicle in 1996.

See the total lack of denial, Ron Paul excusers? Instead of denying Ron Paul was writing the newsletter, he confirms it and even says Jesse Jackson says the same thing. So quit with the blind follower bullshit about Ron Paul not writing the newsletter. His attempts to distance himself from a newsletter written in his name and representing his views are pathetic. The dude is a fucking racist. Case closed. Oh, it’s not? Well then lets also take a look at the company he keeps.

How about the good folks at the Council of Conservative Citizens? They are a fun bunch of racists who have their very own radio show called The Political Cesspool . If you look at the names of folks who have dropped by the studio, you’ll find Ron Paul’s name just above Prussian Blue. Prussian Blue are a couple of cute adolescent teenage girls who sing about how horrible black people are.

Ron also likes to hang out with secessionists. In April 1995 he was an honored guest at one of their conferences.

And just two years ago Paul was an honored guest at a John Birch Society dinner. Not really sure if there are bigger lunatics around that the Birch Society. Ron Paul also attended the Libertarian-Patriot Banquet on April 2, 2004. Ah, nothing like hanging out with the lunatic “Patriots” to show how truly Presidential you are. You can find a picture of him here with Robert Clarkson, leader of The Carolina Patriots and The Patriot Network. Good company!

David Duke also loves Ron Paul so much that he keeps putting Ron’s articles up on his website. What could possibly be wrong with a guy David Duke loves?

And I don't want to forget about the racist website Stormfront. They adore Ron Paul and recently posed the question, "Is Ron Paul The One?" According to many on the site, he is.

He’s got to be doing something right to get the support of those guys. But, wait; he can’t help it if these people support him. Really? He can’t plainly disassociate himself from these assholes? He hasn’t and that says a lot about the kind of man he is.

Okay, enough with his racist beliefs and the fucktard company he keeps. Let us move on to the issues, where Ron Paul comes across even more idiotic than he does as a racist.

Ron Paul is a Libertarian! Weeeee! That means he would like to get rid of the Environmental Protection Agency, Social Security, Medicare, the Department of Energy, the Federal Reserve, the IRS, aid to foreign nations, and the Department of Education as well as remove the US from the United Nations and NATO. Man, that would be so great. Maybe we could also get rid of everyone’s cars and we could ride around on magic unicorns. Also, I want to be able to turn my old shoes into muffins – because I’m a fucking crazy lunatic. Libertarians hold onto these ideas because they cannot grasp the complexities of being part of a larger society. Feel free to come join the adults at the party whenever you want. But I shouldn’t be rambling on; I should let Paul speak for himself.

Paul on Hurricane Katrina:

Does da little baby not wanna be part of da big society? Are they taking your money? Boo hoo.

Paul on Social Security:

Fucking read a book, man. How stupid are you? Ever hear of a fucking Hooverville? Michael Katz, a historian of poverty at the University of Pennsylvania answers the question I just asked. Plenty stupid.

Paul considers Medicare and Medicaid to be unconstitutional.

Yeah, we never tried that. Again, Paul, books are your friend, not your enemy. As far as Paul’s choices for Vice President, he had this to say.

Fucking John Stossel? Are you kidding me? It’s like a sketch on Human Giant. First of all, never pick a guy who has a Saddam-like moustache. Nobody with a non-ironic moustache should hold public office. Secondly, Stossel may be the worst reporter alive.

How about aid to poor countries?

Right. He is a cunt. I’m sure AIDS will just work itself out. I envision Paul at night in a corner of his room, arms wrapped around a big pile of money, screaming, “It’s mine!” Time to start acting like an adult, Ronny.

He does has a delightful voting record. He voted against the war. Wow! Holy shit! What a maverick! Doesn’t mean very much when you realize he votes against everything. His nickname is “Dr. No.”

He voted no on establishing a nationwide Amber alert system for missing kids. On January 2nd, 2007, he was the only Representative to oppose a House measure to create a National Archives exhibit on slavery and reconstruction. He voted against hurricane relief funding, even though most of his district is on the Texas gulf coast. He voted no on allowing human embryonic stem cell research.

All of those are obviously terrible things and should not be funded. I mean, who wants to save kidnapped kids who are about to be raped and murdered?

But I don’t want to make it sound like Ron Paul votes no on everything. He does come around once in a while. For instance, in July of 1999 he voted to ban gay adoptions in DC. He has also voted to ban partial-birth abortions and to ban Family Planning funding in US aid abroad. (Remember, AIDS will work itself out) Paul also supports a constitutional amendment to allow prayer in schools.

And lastly, for you liberals who are swayed by his anti-war views, Paul is staunchly pro-life. He was given a 0% rating by NARAL, a political organization of the pro-choice movement. Paul believes a fetus is a person, that it is human and has legal rights. He believes if you kill a fetus it is an act of aggression and you should be punished accordingly.

So, there you have it. Ron Paul is obviously a great fucking guy – especially if you ignore everything that he is.