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Surprise! You�re In Hell, Falwell!

TUESDAY MAY 15 2007 2:00 PM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: Jerry Falwell,

Jerry Falwell died today. He went out the same way he lived; fat and awful. Just imagine the look on his face when he arrived in hell. Priceless.

Falwell was found in his office and rushed to a Lynchburg hospital where he was pronounced dead. And oddly, he was also pronounced a dick. I didn�t think doctors could do that but I was wrong.

Falwell, 73, was the founder of the Moral Majority, which is actually a minority. They used the word majority so they would feel better about themselves.

He was truly a man of Jesus.

You could totally hear Jesus saying that. It�s eerie. Sometimes it was like he was channeling The Lord. Two days after the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001, Jerry had this to say..

"Abortionists�gays, lesbians, the ACLU and People for American Way helped this happen."

The next day he apologized for stating what was truly in his heart.

At least he still has the Rapture to look forward to.

So long, creep.

FearTheReaper will be appearing at Comedy Works in downtown Denver, May 18th and 19th.

234 Comments

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... 16

coleen

Austin, TX

January 2007

MAY 15, 2007 03:01 PM

Never heard of him before today, but he sounds like a dirty, awful man.

jbug23

Athens, OH

May 2005

MAY 15, 2007 03:05 PM

Jerry Falwell
Perry Farrell
hmm...

To read the descriptions and causes of death mystify me. It's simple - God called him home. Now what his address might be - North or South - well I suppose we may all find out one day or another - if you buy into that dualistic mind game. One down, so many left to die.

Admiral_Pants

Austin, TX

May 2004

MAY 15, 2007 03:06 PM

Untimely said:
Jerry's dead, and "Abortionists...gays, lesbians, the ACLU and People for American Way helped this happen."

They do good work.

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL

October 2004

MAY 15, 2007 03:08 PM

When I first saw this out of the corner of my eye I wondered what Bob Marley was doing in a Falwell thread.

All_Sewn_Up

Papua New Guinea

January 2007

MAY 15, 2007 03:11 PM

I hope his room in Hell is awash in Teletubbies and gay porn.

Chainlink

Key West, FL

August 2005

MAY 15, 2007 03:11 PM

Untimely said:
He's in a better place now; for his sake and ours.

Well said.

Signon

Austin, TX

June 2005

MAY 15, 2007 03:12 PM

MorbidFemme08 said:
I am glad he's dead.

I hate to say this about anyone, but... yeah. I'm glad he's dead.

DCruz

Montreal-nord, QC

November 2006

MAY 15, 2007 03:12 PM

coleen said:
Never heard of him before today, but he sounds like a dirty, awful man.

same for me...

csprewitt

Kansas City, MO

December 2004

MAY 15, 2007 03:21 PM

If anyone from Hell is reading this, may I take this opportunity to suggest sodomy with a giant crucifix as a form of ironic punishment?

TheColorBlack

I'm lost

November 2004

MAY 15, 2007 03:29 PM

Don't celebrate too much now people. Assholes like Falwell are like herpes... they never truly go away. There will be another psychotic bible thumper twisting the word of Jesus making all Christians look bad soon enough.

Ok, resume celebrating now.

Rockoval

I'm lost

July 2006

MAY 15, 2007 03:39 PM

Am I the only one who thinks FTR went a little too far this time? I agree that Falwell was a horrible ignorant person, but he was no Pinochet or Pol Pot. To take this much pleasure in his death seems just a little tasteless.

agentsmythe

Austin, TX

April 2007

MAY 15, 2007 03:42 PM

TearingRaven said:
Being an ardent republican, I can't even mourn this guys death. He was just an awful person who tolerated no one. He was a member of what I like to call "old conservatives," a breed that is finally thinning.

That's not true. His breed is not dying out. Hopefully, though, they will soon be removed from positions of power as the country wakes up from this post 9/11 stupor of groupthink. There should be a prerequisite IQ test for voting. While plenty of highly-intelligent, greedy "conservatives" would vote, we would be saved from the drooling, confused and easily-led masses who somehow manage to take a break from watching Nascar and placing magnetic decals on their SUV's to "support the troops" to vote for their "values", as told to them by pieces of shit like Falwell and Pat Robertson (and formerly Ted Haggard when he didn't have a cock in his mouth). These people are the only anti-American folks around.

All_Sewn_Up

Papua New Guinea

January 2007

MAY 15, 2007 03:43 PM

Rockoval said:
Am I the only one who thinks FTR went a little too far this time? I agree that Falwell was a horrible ignorant person, but he was no Pinochet or Pol Pot. To take this much pleasure in his death seems just a little tasteless.

Yes actually, you are the only one who thinks this. Falwell was a disgusting human being and we're better off rid of him.

agentsmythe

Austin, TX

April 2007

MAY 15, 2007 03:48 PM

To be horrible and ignorant on your own is a regrettable, but forgivable thing. To lead MILLIONS of simple-minded and fearful people down that road is not. Falwell is where he belongs, which is not in the Hell that he preached fear of for so long. He is simply no more, and soon he'll be rotting and feeding the Earth, and it will be the only decent thing he's done in half a century.