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  • TUESDAY MAY 15 2007 2:00 PM

Surprise! You’re In Hell, Falwell!



Jerry Falwell died today. He went out the same way he lived; fat and awful. Just imagine the look on his face when he arrived in hell. Priceless.

Falwell was found in his office and rushed to a Lynchburg hospital where he was pronounced dead. And oddly, he was also pronounced a dick. I didn’t think doctors could do that but I was wrong.

Falwell, 73, was the founder of the Moral Majority, which is actually a minority. They used the word majority so they would feel better about themselves.

He was truly a man of Jesus.



You could totally hear Jesus saying that. It’s eerie. Sometimes it was like he was channeling The Lord. Two days after the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001, Jerry had this to say..

"Abortionists…gays, lesbians, the ACLU and People for American Way helped this happen."


The next day he apologized for stating what was truly in his heart.

At least he still has the Rapture to look forward to.



So long, creep.

FearTheReaper will be appearing at Comedy Works in downtown Denver, May 18th and 19th.

 

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Comments
RileyStClair

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA
September 2006

MAY 15, 2007 03:55 PM

Untimely said:
Jerry's dead, and "Abortionists...gays, lesbians, the ACLU and People for American Way helped this happen."



i wish we could take credit for this one, but it looks like that's all jesus.

s5

s5

STAFF

San Francisco, CA

MAY 15, 2007 03:57 PM

I can sum up why I'm celebrating his death in one word:

AIDS

His life's work directly resulted in millions of people getting AIDS, and he's guilty of each of those deaths. It's not just that he had "a different opinion" about politics. It's that he believed AIDS was "God's punishment" and it was his job to make sure as many non-believers received this punishment as possible.

Max16Characters

Max16Characters

Korea, Republic Of
March 2003

MAY 15, 2007 04:04 PM

I'm not generally one to tap dance on graves, but i hope Pat Robertson and his stake in blood diamonds are next.

smithers_jones

smithers_jones

I'm lost
November 2003

MAY 15, 2007 04:06 PM

Rockoval said:
Am I the only one who thinks FTR went a little too far this time?



Yes.

artmovesproduct

artmovesproduct

Denver, CO
August 2006

MAY 15, 2007 04:08 PM

MickFlicks said:
I hope his room in Hell is awash in Teletubbies and gay porn. biggrin



Aren't those the same?

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 15, 2007 04:20 PM

FearTheReaper said:Falwell, 73, was the founder of the Moral Majority, which is actually a minority. They used the word majority so they would feel better about themselves.



That bit made me giggle!

Wendy

Wendy

SUICIDEGIRL

Israel

MAY 15, 2007 04:21 PM

s5 said:
I can sum up why I'm celebrating his death in one word:

AIDS

His life's work directly resulted in millions of people getting AIDS, and he's guilty of each of those deaths. It's not just that he had "a different opinion" about politics. It's that he believed AIDS was "God's punishment" and it was his job to make sure as many non-believers received this punishment as possible.



could you elaborate on this?

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

MAY 15, 2007 04:24 PM

FearTheReaper said:

At least he still has the Rapture to look forward to.



Why? I'm guessing the Rapture already happened... wink

And I don't mean yesterday.

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

MAY 15, 2007 04:26 PM

I would never wish death upon anyone. That said, fuck that dude.

SO, which circle of hell do you guys think he's in? My bets are on Bolgia Four of Circle Eight, for false prophets, but Bolgia Three (simony), Six (hypocrites), and Eight (fraudulent advisors) would all probably also be equally likely. shocked

RedAss

RedAss

Boston, MA
December 2004

MAY 15, 2007 04:44 PM

He was an arrogant, close-minded, homophobic, greedy prick who hid behind his bible while spreading his message if intolerance and hatred. He won't be missed. skull

tryphcycle

tryphcycle

Beaverton, OR
December 2002

MAY 15, 2007 04:44 PM

blitzkrieg00 said:
I live in Lynchburg, VA where his reign over everything here makes it no fun to live. Hopefully now that the fat man is dead some fun will come around... like bars and night clubs.



Virgina Sux in General! Move west young man... Move west!

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 15, 2007 04:47 PM

tryphcycle said:
Virgina Sux in General! Move west young man... Move west!



Disagree. Virginia rules.

tryphcycle

tryphcycle

Beaverton, OR
December 2002

MAY 15, 2007 04:53 PM

yea... Virginia has rules alright... still sux!

Margot_Dent

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA
February 2004

MAY 15, 2007 04:55 PM

tryphcycle said:

blitzkrieg00 said:
I live in Lynchburg, VA where his reign over everything here makes it no fun to live. Hopefully now that the fat man is dead some fun will come around... like bars and night clubs.



Virgina Sux in General! Move west young man... Move west!



yeah i'm sure beaverton, oregon is a hotbed of cool.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

MAY 15, 2007 05:01 PM

tryphcycle said:
yea... Virginia has rules alright... still sux!



What a brilliant comeback. whatever Have you ever even been to Virginia?

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