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  • TUESDAY MAY 15 2007 2:00 PM

Surprise! You’re In Hell, Falwell!



Jerry Falwell died today. He went out the same way he lived; fat and awful. Just imagine the look on his face when he arrived in hell. Priceless.

Falwell was found in his office and rushed to a Lynchburg hospital where he was pronounced dead. And oddly, he was also pronounced a dick. I didn’t think doctors could do that but I was wrong.

Falwell, 73, was the founder of the Moral Majority, which is actually a minority. They used the word majority so they would feel better about themselves.

He was truly a man of Jesus.



You could totally hear Jesus saying that. It’s eerie. Sometimes it was like he was channeling The Lord. Two days after the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001, Jerry had this to say..

"Abortionists…gays, lesbians, the ACLU and People for American Way helped this happen."


The next day he apologized for stating what was truly in his heart.

At least he still has the Rapture to look forward to.



So long, creep.

FearTheReaper will be appearing at Comedy Works in downtown Denver, May 18th and 19th.

 

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Comments
Bloodlust

Bloodlust

Saint Charles, MO
November 2005

MAY 20, 2007 02:42 PM

Time to celebrate.

hor

hor

USA
June 2005

MAY 21, 2007 12:42 AM

seraphicchaos said:
remembering an asshole through his own words. i'll let this be my eulogy for him.

"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions"

"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals"

"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country"

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being"

"Textbooks are Soviet propaganda"

"The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews"

"The whole (global warming) thing is created to destroy America's free enterprise system and our economic stability"

"God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve"

(re: 9/11 attacks) "...throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked and when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad...I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen."

..............what an asshole.




w00t!!


BDeyeD

BDeyeD

Toronto, ON
January 2007

MAY 21, 2007 05:51 PM


(re: 9/11 attacks) "...throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked and when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad...I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen."

..............what an asshole.



My bad. I'm at least half of those things that he blamed 9/11 on. Oh, well. He can keep my seat in hell warm for me for another 50 years while I work on tearing my country apart by fighting for the evils of equality, respect for differences, and freedom of speech.

Fuck you very much, JF. I'm glad you're dead. skull biggrin

Julian_Delphinki

Julian_Delphinki

Tijeras, NM
June 2005

MAY 21, 2007 09:36 PM

Someone please go dance on his grave for me biggrin

thebernreuter

thebernreuter

Birmingham, AL
May 2006

MAY 21, 2007 09:38 PM

Dammit, now we can't make Falwell jokes when we play Liberty in basketball.

But we CAN make dead Falwell jokes, maybe like those dead baby jokes.

DrSprite

DrSprite

Grand Rapids, MI
June 2006

MAY 23, 2007 08:01 AM

Hey, we need to respect the dead. We all know the anti-christ will come as a peacemaker. So, he wasn't very peaceful. Okay, enough respect, fuckin dick. Where is his grave anyway?

Keith

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK
August 2002

MAY 23, 2007 01:14 PM

I wish there was a Hell for him to burn in.

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