• commentary
  • SUNDAY MAY 13 2007 3:30 PM

Our Shitty Media

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by Rahodeb

Tags: News, Republicans, Hillary Clinton, Elections 2008



I just received a call from the local ABC affiliate here in Los Angeles asking me if I wanted to take part in a political poll. I agreed, more to hear the questions than anything else. A poll where a computer calls random households is hardly scientific or, I would think, reliable. The longer it went on, the more I was amazed at how idiotic it was.

Most of the questions were about the upcoming presidential elections. The first: Whom would I pick, Rudy Giuliani or Hillary Clinton? I thought “neither” and then waited to see what would happen. After a long pause the sultry voice told me I could also choose “undecided”. Um, how about neither? I’m not undecided on Hillary and Rudy. I have decided they are both douchbags and I would rather vote for my own sphincter. (Which would make an awesome president, I might add. It is strong, yet soft when it needs to be) I was forced to choose undecided and the poll will reflect that I have not quite made up my mind on two shitty candidates.

The poll then went on to ask me whether I would vote for several Republican candidates or Hillary Clinton. I always picked “undecided” because all the Republicans candidates are awful and Hillary is basically a Republican. By that I mean she will whore herself out to any corporation that comes along with a big check. She is also, I think, a murderer, an arsonist, a burglar, a drug dealer and a child molester. At least that is what I have heard on AM radio.

The poll never asked me the most important question: Do you think polls like this are retarded this early in the race? What the fuck is the point of matching up Republicans and Democrats in the spring of 2007 when the candidates will not be chosen until next summer? Our media works with the simplicity of a 10-year old. God forbid they took the time set aside to discuss this meaningless poll to talk about where the candidates stand on the issues. Do your fucking job.

And Obama and Edwards were never mentioned in the poll, even though they appear to be the most viable candidates based on – polling. Shit.

  • PERMALINK
  • PRINT
  • Digg This
  • Email To A Friend
 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3

Next

Comments
Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

MAY 13, 2007 03:41 PM

Well at least the voice was sultry, can you imagine having to listen to the Speak&Spell voice asking you those things? That would be so much worse. robot

SignalNoise

SignalNoise

USA
February 2004

MAY 13, 2007 03:42 PM

Actually, random digit dialing is one of the more scientific ways to assemble poll data (especially now that phones are pretty much universal). That said, polls done in this fashion are usually more frustrating than they are informative. You get a bunch of averages, and no good information.

phirephli

phirephli

Chandler, AZ
May 2005

MAY 13, 2007 04:04 PM

can anyone enlighten me on what exactly mr. obama's political stance is... and what his voting record does to add validity to his politics??? (ps, not sarcasm, just seems hes been hyped up and i know nothing about him)

Postblank

Postblank

New Brunswick, NJ
June 2004

MAY 13, 2007 04:09 PM

phirephli said:
can anyone enlighten me on what exactly mr. obama's political stance is... and what his voting record does to add validity to his politics??? (ps, not sarcasm, just seems hes been hyped up and i know nothing about him)



If I recall correctly, he's an advocate of universal healthcare. So, I'd vote for him if the rest of his policies were as agreeable. Otherwise, fuck the major parties, I'll keep voting Libertarian.

Untimely

Untimely

Chicago, IL
January 2007

MAY 13, 2007 04:22 PM

ABC news won't be able to make easy-to-understand charts and graphs without limiting the answers to discrete options, and ABC isn't allowed to use the word douchebag.

Political research is just a subset of market research. And market research is responsible for guiding the great accomplishments of civilization, such as: Everybody Loves Raymond, fanny packs, Hootie and The Blowfish, and The McRib.

Three cheers for the Least Common Denominatator! Sanjaya for President!

photoline

photoline

Edmonton, AB
January 2005

MAY 13, 2007 04:37 PM

So, judging by your answers, you won't be on ABC's speed-dial for next time?

I'm surprised they left off Mickey & Goofy. They are about as good as candidates get lately...

ardour

ardour

Canada
March 2006

MAY 13, 2007 04:57 PM

I don't know who I'd vote for out of Mickey or Goofy... Goofy seems a little dumb, but Mickey has always struck me as a smug little asshole.

DannyDMc

DannyDMc

Fargo, ND
July 2003

MAY 13, 2007 05:35 PM

SkaRambo said:

phirephli said:
can anyone enlighten me on what exactly mr. obama's political stance is... and what his voting record does to add validity to his politics??? (ps, not sarcasm, just seems hes been hyped up and i know nothing about him)



If I recall correctly, he's an advocate of universal healthcare. So, I'd vote for him if the rest of his policies were as agreeable. Otherwise, fuck the major parties, I'll keep voting Libertarian.



You do realize that the Libertarians, by their very nature, would be opposed to Universal Healthcare, right? smile I mean, I've voted Libertarian before in the past (Ed Thompson would have made a good governor of Wisconsin; even if his brother is a douchebag), but I wouldn't really expect to get any more government servives from a group that thinks that government should be as small as possible.

DannyDMc

DannyDMc

Fargo, ND
July 2003

MAY 13, 2007 05:37 PM

photoline said:
So, judging by your answers, you won't be on ABC's speed-dial for next time?

I'm surprised they left off Mickey & Goofy. They are about as good as candidates get lately...



I'd vote for Donald; he strikes me as fairly intelligent, and at least you know that he'd speak his mind! I might not be able ot understand what the hell he's saying when he's speaking it; but at least I know he'd be doing it! biggrin

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

MAY 13, 2007 05:38 PM

phirephli said:
can anyone enlighten me on what exactly mr. obama's political stance is... and what his voting record does to add validity to his politics??? (ps, not sarcasm, just seems hes been hyped up and i know nothing about him)



Have you bothered trying to find out?

MaitreSinge

MaitreSinge

Silver Spring, MD
June 2004

MAY 13, 2007 05:39 PM

SkaRambo said:
If I recall correctly, he's an advocate of universal healthcare. So, I'd vote for him if the rest of his policies were as agreeable. Otherwise, fuck the major parties, I'll keep voting Libertarian.



Wait, you'll vote for him because of government-provided universal healthcare, but would otherwise vote Libertarian? I have to ask for a further explanation.

redconsensus

redconsensus

Baltimore, MD
August 2004

MAY 13, 2007 05:54 PM

SkaRambo

If I recall correctly, he's an advocate of universal healthcare. So, I'd vote for him if the rest of his policies were as agreeable. Otherwise, fuck the major parties, I'll keep voting Libertarian.



Dada is not dead.

ASSH0LE

ASSH0LE

Las Vegas, NV
June 2003

MAY 13, 2007 06:17 PM

phirephli said:
can anyone enlighten me on what exactly mr. obama's political stance is... and what his voting record does to add validity to his politics??? (ps, not sarcasm, just seems hes been hyped up and i know nothing about him)



Sorry, I won't read it for you.

LustEye

LustEye

Reston, VA
February 2007

MAY 13, 2007 06:20 PM

Ha! I have to argee with you one basicaly all of it!! Its retarded to start in on the elections this far away.. That is odd that they didn't mention Obama or Edwards.. wonder why? Haha.

SocietysPliers

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL
October 2004

MAY 13, 2007 06:36 PM

SignalNoise said:
Actually, random digit dialing is one of the more scientific ways to assemble poll data (especially now that phones are pretty much universal). That said, polls done in this fashion are usually more frustrating than they are informative. You get a bunch of averages, and no good information.

Scientific? I suppose. Disturbing? Most definitely. I work in a constant life or death situation, and when these random dialers are tying up a phone line, especially when the flipping computers wait at least 2 eternities before speaking, the time wasted saying "Hello . . .Hello?? Hello???" could prevent an important call from getting through. And I'm certain my job is not the only place where these polls can graduate from annoying to potentially lethal.

Plus, they can often be, as FTR demonstrated in his own inimitible style and wording, retarded.

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3

Next

featured interviews