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  • MONDAY APRIL 23 2007 3:30 PM

Grandpa Drinky Takes His Last Shot

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by Rahodeb

Tags: Boris Yeltsin, Russia



One of the world’s greatest drunks died today. Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin went to the big vodka bottle in the sky at the ripe old age 76. After leaving office in December 1999, he experienced heath problems, including heart failure. His funeral and a day of national mourning will be on Wednesday. They would have a national day of drinking to celebrate Yeltsin’s life, but everyday is national drinking day in Russia.

The Big Y was the first democratically elected president of Russia in 1991. He stopped a coup attempt against Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev that same year. He was hailed as a defender of democracy but things did not go so well after that.


Former Soviet President Gorbachev said Monday: "I express my deep condolences to the family of the departed. He did a lot for this country, even though he committed serious errors. A tragic fate."


That was a sort of nice thing to say about a dead guy. At least Gorbachev did not call Yeltsin a national embarrassment, which is what he was by the end of his reign. His second term was full of public gaffes, financial crises and a battle against impeachment. The ruble lost 75% of its value in 1999 alone.

Yeltsin’s behavior would have been funnier if he was not in charge of a massive arsenal of nuclear weapons. By the end of his presidency he was a delightful combination of power hungry and out of touch with reality. He also sent troops to fight a war in Chechnya that was not winnable. Seem like anyone you know?

In 1999, during a press conference over the war in Kosovo, Yeltsin said that if President Clinton were to cause some sort of accident in Yugoslavia, Russia would "send a missile". His spokesman quickly explained that this was not official policy.

During his final year a former head of security claimed Yeltsin has attempted suicide twice and that he was unfit to govern. He often appeared drunk in public, once stumbling during a ceremony in Uzbekistan. On many occasions he needed support to walk or stand while at public engagements.



Dance, boozy dance!

FearTheReaper will be appearing at the Irvine Improv April 27-28.

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Comments
Volkov

Volkov

San Antonio, TX
OLD SKOOL

APR 23, 2007 03:43 PM

YOU try being the president of that country and not be a boozer!

or a very cold hearted sociopathic judo champion ala Putin.


seriously though, he had a hard act to follow, coming after Gorbachev. and it was Gorbachev that picked him to succeed him.

Yeltsin should never have had a second term. he maybe should never have had a first term, but he was the best "compromise" candidate to replace Gorbachev.

filmME

filmME

Vancouver, BC
May 2003

APR 23, 2007 04:51 PM

grandpa drinky... ahahAHAHHHAHAAHAHa

TRILL

TRILL

Toronto, ON
October 2006

APR 23, 2007 04:58 PM

"Grandpa Drinky Takes His Last Shot" would be a wounderfully aweful kids book!

Someone please make it, ok? That'd be really cool.

RIP Grandpa Drinky

handsome_rob

handsome_rob

Burlington, IA
May 2004

APR 23, 2007 07:02 PM

regardless, there goes a piece of history, right there...

meatpieboy

meatpieboy

Korea, D.P.R.
June 2004

APR 23, 2007 07:42 PM

The man can dance!

undershaker

undershaker

Milwaukee, WI
November 2004

APR 23, 2007 08:06 PM

I wouldn't have expected that Gorbachev would be anything less than politic. He's a former head-of-state, & still active in policy (at least at the think-tank level), plus he lost his wife to cancer several years back, so death is not a joke to him.

As it goes, Yeltsin prolly stayed on one term too long, & in his will to see that Russian didn't slide into demogoguery & division, he picked a poor successor. (By & by, Mandela did the same in South Africa.) But as someone pointed out about, you try being the first truly democratically elected head-of-state in your country...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

MONSTERS

MaitreSinge

MaitreSinge

Silver Spring, MD
June 2004

APR 23, 2007 08:11 PM

"Grandpa Drinky?" Personally, I'd have gone with "Grandpa Drunkovich," since he's Russian and all, but that's still a pretty great nickname for Boris Yeltsin.

You know someone's got an alcohol problem when even the Economist refers to "[his family] keeping the old man topped up on vodka." They don't generally outright mock people.

NickFaust

NickFaust

USA
April 2004

APR 23, 2007 08:37 PM

I just hope they don't try to cremate the body. Raising that much alcohol laced tissue to 2000 degrees could set off an explosion that might turn the universe into a very small black hole.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

APR 23, 2007 10:15 PM

oyaji said:
Oh, whatever. The man was a fucking badass and will be remembered for a long time as a great Russian leader. Notwithstanding his fucktarded tomfoolery.


What Russia are you talking about? He's not highly regarded there.

He did totally wreck the country through his bumbling "democratic" reforms, though, so I guess that put us in a pretty good position.

Until our own fucking idiot came along to drive us into the ground, at least.

bald_eagle said:
A drunk or not, he made a moment in history that will be long remembered.


You mean ruining Gorbachev's legacy?

Sorry. I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. This is the last you'll hear from me on this subject.

otaku

otaku

USA
January 2004

APR 23, 2007 10:59 PM

Zarth said:

bald_eagle said:
A drunk or not, he made a moment in history that will be long remembered.


You mean ruining Gorbachev's legacy?

Sorry. I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. This is the last you'll hear from me on this subject.



Well, he DID stand up against that coup attempt, which he deserves eternal props for. Even if he did stay in one term too long and gave us Putin (who needs a military coup attempt when you can suck up - blackmail? - a drunk leader?).

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

I'm lost
January 2006

APR 23, 2007 11:30 PM

In Soviet Russia, bottle kills you!

Ascanius

Ascanius

USA
October 2006

APR 24, 2007 12:36 AM

Up with Papa Yeltsin! Down with the bastard Kryuchkov. *spits*

Dasvedanya, tovaritch. Dasvedanya.

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

APR 24, 2007 04:52 AM

Opa!

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