Couch Hates Black People
THURSDAY APRIL 19 2007 11:00 PM
Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.
TAGS: Racist Couch, Canada
First Michael Richards astonished the nation with his racist outburst at a comedy club and now a black Canadian family has encountered a racist couch. Doris Moore ordered a dark brown couch from Vanaik Furniture of Toronto and was surprised to read the name on the label: Nigger brown. Oh my.
Moore was quite upset, especially because her 7-year-old daughter was the first to read the label.
"My daughter saw the label and she knew the color brown, but didn't know what the other word meant. She asked, 'Mommy, what color is that?' I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. I never thought that's how she'd learn of that word," Moore said.
That’s how most of us learn our first racist name. My first bicycle was a beautiful, shiny Dirty Mick. The mother complained to the store, who immediately blamed the supplier, who blamed a computer translation program. Now we are onto the Chinese, the makers of the software program. Those damn Chinese, always going after the black man.
The makers of the program, Kingsoft, say it was a regrettable error. Apparently it was all the fault of a dictionary. The company has been using the dictionary for ten whole years, way back when all dictionaries defined dark as “nigger.”
The owner of Vanaik Furniture claims he didn’t even know what the word meant.
"It's amazing. I've been here since 1972 and I never knew the meaning of this word," said Vanaik, a native of India.
Dude, you need to get out more.
The new couch owner is talking to a lawyer and, of course, will seek compensation. But so many questions now need to be answered. How much do you get when your couch is a filthy racist? Does Al Sharpton know about the couch? If the couch is replaced, where does the couch go? Does David Duke need a couch? Should we give the couch another chance? Does it have a matching ottoman?
For now, Moore and her three children are trying to deal with having a racist couch in their living room.
"Something more has to be done. We don't just need a personal apology, but someone needs to own up to where these labels were made, and someone needs to apologize to all people of color," Moore said. "I had friends over from St. Lucia yesterday and they wouldn't sit on the couch."
Fucking A. Don’t sit on that motherfucker; don’t even let the dog get on it. That would be like putting your ass on the corpse of Strom Thurmond.
FearTheReaper will be appearing at the Irvine Improv April 27th & 28th.

















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