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Couch Hates Black People

THURSDAY APRIL 19 2007 11:00 PM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By FearTheReaper.

TAGS: Racist Couch, Canada

First Michael Richards astonished the nation with his racist outburst at a comedy club and now a black Canadian family has encountered a racist couch. Doris Moore ordered a dark brown couch from Vanaik Furniture of Toronto and was surprised to read the name on the label: Nigger brown. Oh my.

Moore was quite upset, especially because her 7-year-old daughter was the first to read the label.


"My daughter saw the label and she knew the color brown, but didn't know what the other word meant. She asked, 'Mommy, what color is that?' I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. I never thought that's how she'd learn of that word," Moore said.


That’s how most of us learn our first racist name. My first bicycle was a beautiful, shiny Dirty Mick. The mother complained to the store, who immediately blamed the supplier, who blamed a computer translation program. Now we are onto the Chinese, the makers of the software program. Those damn Chinese, always going after the black man.

The makers of the program, Kingsoft, say it was a regrettable error. Apparently it was all the fault of a dictionary. The company has been using the dictionary for ten whole years, way back when all dictionaries defined dark as “nigger.”

The owner of Vanaik Furniture claims he didn’t even know what the word meant.


"It's amazing. I've been here since 1972 and I never knew the meaning of this word," said Vanaik, a native of India.


Dude, you need to get out more.

The new couch owner is talking to a lawyer and, of course, will seek compensation. But so many questions now need to be answered. How much do you get when your couch is a filthy racist? Does Al Sharpton know about the couch? If the couch is replaced, where does the couch go? Does David Duke need a couch? Should we give the couch another chance? Does it have a matching ottoman?

For now, Moore and her three children are trying to deal with having a racist couch in their living room.


"Something more has to be done. We don't just need a personal apology, but someone needs to own up to where these labels were made, and someone needs to apologize to all people of color," Moore said. "I had friends over from St. Lucia yesterday and they wouldn't sit on the couch."


Fucking A. Don’t sit on that motherfucker; don’t even let the dog get on it. That would be like putting your ass on the corpse of Strom Thurmond.

FearTheReaper will be appearing at the Irvine Improv April 27th & 28th.

 

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sexybeast

sexybeast

Metairie, LA
July 2004

APR 19, 2007 11:21 PM

I completely understand the family wanting compensation for all of this mess. I mean... they got a racist couch! I say, no less than 3 million.

I would have mentioned it to the store manager and went on with my life.

MschfMayhemSoap

MschfMayhemSoap

Phoenix, AZ
April 2006

APR 19, 2007 11:22 PM

First Michael Richards astonished the nation with his racist outburst at a comedy club...



dont forget the more recent incident on Wheel of Forture cause by a Colorado dumbass.

OctEgon

OctEgon

Tustin, CA
July 2005

APR 19, 2007 11:24 PM

"Fuck Yo' Couch!"

Sorry, I had to say it. Involuntary reaction.

Kaziklu

Kaziklu

Niagara Falls, ON
November 2004

APR 19, 2007 11:27 PM

A word that isn't in common usage in a nation with very little black racism, used a word brought into the language during British colonialism and isn't even part of the native language, translated a word using a archaic albeit racist description of a colour, which found an american women whose friends were so offended at this usage by people that had no idea of the meaning, and know it only has a description of a colour, now want a full apology to all people of colour, and of course a monetary settlement due to the total lack of malevolent intent in it's naming.

Yep that Indian guy should apologize to himself... or is "color" only a term for black people?

Yanks, Blacks, Margret Chow, and all you other over sensitive jackass (and only in those groups that are over sensitive) get a fucking clue. I'm an over sensitive jackass about certain things.. and when I'm being so, someone tells me to take a chill pill and I settle down realize that I'm being an idiot and let it go.. I think a lot of people need to do this too.. and then take their lawyers of speed dial. Litigation should not be a career unless you've passed the bar.

edited because professional litigation is migrating out of the central area of North America

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

APR 19, 2007 11:28 PM

What she wants compensation for actually having to talk to her kid? WTF? She going to sue the school that her kid goes to when the other kids use it there too? Or doesn't that kind of thing happen in Canada?

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

APR 19, 2007 11:30 PM

Kaziklu said:
.. I think some people in the states need to do this too.. and then take their lawyers of speed dial. Litigation should not be a career unless you've passed the bar.



This is fresh out of Toronto........

Jasper

Jasper

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

APR 19, 2007 11:33 PM

I feel bad for the couch. He didn't ask for this... and thus began The Diary of Offensive Inanimate Objects.

Eh, they'll probably sell the couch on eBay anyway. surreal

Kaziklu

Kaziklu

Niagara Falls, ON
November 2004

APR 19, 2007 11:35 PM

BrokenandHostile said:

Kaziklu said:
.. I think some people in the states need to do this too.. and then take their lawyers of speed dial. Litigation should not be a career unless you've passed the bar.



This is fresh out of Toronto........



Ya force of habit I'll change it.. lol thanks for pointing it out.

OpticNerve

OpticNerve

Waltham, MA
November 2003

APR 19, 2007 11:42 PM

I wonder if the couch and Don Imus are related.

Lexiphanic

Lexiphanic

Australia
August 2005

APR 19, 2007 11:51 PM

Awesome coverage of this story from FTR. I don't know how you do it.

My god, it's creepy. What the hell is going on in that continent?
I mean, despite Australia's incredibly high levels of multi-culturalism, we're considered a particualrly racist nation. Yet, if this sort of thing happened here, to anyone, we'd just laugh it off. Someone would've said "Oops! Sorry. Ain't that funny?" and let it be.

Even more likely, we'd probably be proud of the tag and show it to all of our friends.

"Check out the tag on my sofa ... "
"It says -fuck whitey-."
"I know. Isn't it awesome?"
"Well, it is white."
Then there is the LOLing.

sockmonkey

sockmonkey

Portland, OR
July 2002

APR 19, 2007 11:51 PM



Does it have a matching ottoman?


Now that just about killed me. I just spit beer all over my keyboard.

tech29

tech29

I'm lost
July 2004

APR 19, 2007 11:51 PM

Fuck I laughed when I read that... does that make me a bad person biggrin .. I dont care that was piss funny

chompy_the_bear

chompy_the_bear

Victoria, BC
September 2006

APR 19, 2007 11:57 PM

Can't they just let the couch live, free from lables imposed by an uncaring and harsh society?! I mean it's bad enough having to spend all day with people rubbing their smelly asses all over you, dogs and cats scratchy you.. maybe even pissing on you.. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the couches?

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

APR 19, 2007 11:59 PM

Lexiphanic said:
"Check out the tag on my sofa ... "
"It says -fuck whitey-."
"I know. Isn't it awesome?"
"Well, it is white."
Then there is the LOLing.



ohhh, don't judge us all. I'd be making phone calls, but they wouldn't be to my lawyer they'd be to my friends to come over and look at the tag.

I'd also use it as a conversation piece during parties......."look how stupid this company is!"

roguemind

roguemind

New London, CT
October 2006

APR 20, 2007 12:03 AM

I see a mass couch recall coming.
Beware the name calling couches and their love-seat comrades.
Couch companies are so racist. *sheesh*

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