It’s been a while since I’ve been in school, but here’s what I remember of it: school pretty much sucks. Most of the time there’s some teacher all bah-blah-blabity blah about calculus or some shit, and when they do break with the program, it’s for something else just as boring. If I had the chance to watch a critically acclaimed documentary film or practice some semi-trendy deep breathing exercise, I would have been three shades of psyched.

But, judging from two news stories this week, some spoil-sport Christian parent would have ruined it for everybody.

A school board in Washington has put the kibosh on students watching Al Gore’s global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth because of a complaint from a God fearing parent. Apparently, father of seven Frosty Hardison has little tolerance for deviating from standard school curriculum or a literal interpretation of the Book of Revelations, even though one would think that being named for a beloved cartoon snowman would have made him loosen up years ago.

After Hardison sent an email complaint to the school board, the board decided that the film could only be shown if a teacher has permission from their principal and superintendent, and if a "credible, legitimate opposing view” is also presented. Which means, in theory, a school could screen the Kirk Cameron-starring Christian end times film series Left Behind to balance out the lack of rapture-informed content in Mr. Gore’s PowerPoint presentation.

Meanwhile a couple of days ago, a Canadian school anti-obesity program was knocked for an alleged anti-Christian bias. The program included yoga, which Christian parents in Quesnel, British Columbia feel is a religion. One parent objected to how a yoga pose required her child to put their hands together in a prayer-like gesture. Another parent was quoted speaking against yoga in language strikingly similar to that of Robert Mitchum’s evil preacher character in The Night of the Hunter.

Thankfully, the school is continuing to teach yoga. Those Canadians really are more sensible. Actually, scratch that. Lately even Christians are more sensible. There’s a growing Christian environmental movement and a series of video tapes about Christian Yoga.

Can’t the cool Christians get together with all the stick-in-the-mud Christians for a three day seminar on how to chill-the-fuck-out?