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  • THURSDAY JANUARY 11 2007 1:00 AM

Selfish Johnson Refuses To Perish

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Tim Johnson, Senate, Republicans, Democrats

In one of the greatest examples of selfish behavior this incredibly talented writer has ever seen, Senator Tim Johnson refuses to die and allow the Republicans to regain control of the Senate. Johnson has actually gone as far as to “improve.” Yesterday his condition was upgraded from critical to fair just four weeks after suffering a brain hemorrhage. He also no longer needs a ventilator to breath.

Johnson is a South Dakota Democrat who had surgery on December 13th to stop the bleeding in his brain, which is also known as “the Republicans' best shot.”


"The senator continues to make progress. The next step would be rehabilitation, and we hope that would happen within the week."


To think that someone would go as far as to live after suffering a brain hemorrhage just to keep the Republicans out of power is disgusting. I hope he is ashamed of himself.

Johnson still has a tracheotomy tube in his neck and has yet to speak. His recovery will take several months. Had he done the patriotic thing and died, then the Republican governor of South Dakota could have appointed a Republican to the Senate and the GOP would gain control. But Johnson hates America, so he will apparently live.

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Comments
SomethingStupid

SomethingStupid

North Hollywood, CA
March 2004

JAN 11, 2007 01:10 AM

Dude, nobody said they wanted him to die.

LafayetteProulx

LafayetteProulx

Cordova, TN
January 2006

JAN 11, 2007 01:18 AM

Yeah, this is taking things a bit too far.

ThisIsWhoWeAre

ThisIsWhoWeAre

Oakland, CA
July 2004

JAN 11, 2007 01:26 AM


...incredibly talented writer...



...no longer needs a ventilator to breath.



Just how talented do you have to be to know how to spell "breathe"?

gittty

gittty

Dallas, TX
May 2003

JAN 11, 2007 01:50 AM

Funny stuff, I actually had the same thoughts on this issue.
I mean, someone dropped the ball on this one. A "brain hemorrhage" should have taken him out clean.

metaVirus

metaVirus

Australia
January 2005

JAN 11, 2007 03:22 AM

Hahahaha!
bok

spinhouse247

spinhouse247

Punta Gorda, FL
December 2003

JAN 11, 2007 04:38 AM

Hahaha Damn.

Roaring_Tulips

roaring_tulips

Jacksonville, FL
April 2006

JAN 11, 2007 04:52 AM

Wow! That's really good news. I was just wondering last night if the poor guy was going to make it.

Azadeth

Azadeth

Fairport, NY
August 2006

JAN 11, 2007 05:44 AM

TedKoppel said:
Dude, nobody said they wanted him to die.



Hey guess what...this is supposed to be a humorous interpretation!

*gasp!*

Though in truth, I do believe some Reps would feel more positive than negative at his passing.

Doc_Brietz

Doc_Brietz

Fort Sill, OK
January 2006

JAN 11, 2007 06:12 AM

this is poor taste and isnt news. remind me not to waste time reading this writers garbage

Pilkington

Pilkington

USA
October 2005

JAN 11, 2007 06:38 AM

ThisIsWhoWeAre said:

...incredibly talented writer...



...no longer needs a ventilator to breath.



Just how talented do you have to be to know how to spell "breathe"?



niiice +1

cranstonlamont

cranstonlamont

Des Moines, IA
September 2006

JAN 11, 2007 07:02 AM

Some people need to take a course in "Irony 101". FearThe Reaper is just pointing out that Senator Johnson's death would not be a complete tragedy to the Republican leadership. Senator McConnell would no doubt feel a little bad about the circumstances as he grabbed the Majority Leader's gavel.

alexkidd

alexkidd

United Kingdom
December 2006

JAN 11, 2007 07:22 AM

Oh My God...poor taste...whatever shall we do.

TheG

TheG

Somerville, MA
February 2004

JAN 11, 2007 07:43 AM

TedKoppel said:
Dude, nobody said they wanted him to die.



Dude, you've been around almost as long as I have. How is it that you of all people can't smell FTR's sarcasm?

Emi

Emi

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JAN 11, 2007 08:20 AM

i laughed.

does this make me a bad person?

i'll take it.

apesamongus

apesamongus

Atlanta, GA
July 2002

JAN 11, 2007 08:30 AM

Azadeth said:

TedKoppel said:
Dude, nobody said they wanted him to die.



Hey guess what...this is supposed to be a humorous interpretation!


Humor requires more talent than FtR has ever demonstrated.

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