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  • WEDNESDAY JANUARY 3 2007 9:00 PM

Middle of Nowhere Still Safe!

Submitted by ValCapone

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: emergency, disaster, 9/11, Washington, DC



According to ever-accurate Yahoo! News,

Only six of 75 U.S. metropolitan areas won the highest grades for their emergency agencies' ability to communicate during a disaster, five years after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, according to a federal report obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press.

A draft portion of the report, to be released Wednesday, gives the best ratings to Washington, DC; San Diego; Minneapolis-St. Paul; Columbus, Ohio; Sioux Falls, South Dakota; and Laramie County, Wyoming.


Awesome. So, in case of terrorist attack, be sure to be near the middle of nowhere and you’ll be safe! Wasn’t this report issued last week under the headline “Common Sense”?

The puzzling thing is how Washington, DC managed to get into the top six, given that one would assume hitting political targets would be a high priority action-item for terrorists who “hate America.” Having gotten stuck driving in DC only once in my lifetime, I can answer that question for you: terrorists will be too disoriented by the roundabouts and never-ending maze of one-way streets to ever locate their targets. Safety by virtue of total chaos; brilliant idea, Founding Fathers!

Now if only low-scorers Chicago, Cleveland, Baton Rouge, Mandan (ND—where??) and American Samoa can get their acts together, we’ll have those terrorists licked.

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Comments
PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

JAN 04, 2007 09:34 AM

ValCapone said:
[The puzzling thing is how Washington, DC managed to get into the top six, given that one would assume hitting political targets would be a high priority action-item for terrorists who "hate America." .



Err...because this report has nothing to do with how likely a terrorist attack is, but how well the emergency responders are able to communicate during a disaster.

SirPsychoSexy

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ
January 2004

JAN 04, 2007 10:20 AM

Woot! Just think how much better our San Diego emergency response will be once we actually hire some police officers! tongue

sodapopinski3031

sodapopinski3031

College Park, MD
January 2007

JAN 04, 2007 05:53 PM

aint that the truth! all those one way streets will fuck you up man

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

JAN 05, 2007 06:32 AM

How do you get this:

ValCapone said:
Awesome. So, in case of terrorist attack, be sure to be near the middle of nowhere and you'll be safe! Wasn't this report issued last week under the headline "Common Sense"?



From this:

Only six of 75 U.S. metropolitan areas won the highest grades for their emergency agencies' ability to communicate during a disaster, five years after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, according to a federal report obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press.

A draft portion of the report, to be released Wednesday, gives the best ratings to Washington, DC; San Diego; Minneapolis-St. Paul; Columbus, Ohio; Sioux Falls, South Dakota; and Laramie County, Wyoming.



Your commentary seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the quotes you pulled from the article.

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