Nation Relieved: Al Gore Will Save Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan had a secret and productive meeting with Al Gore. An insider revealed that, during this meeting, Gore agreed to help Lohan with her image problems. The “insider” is Lohan herself and she released the exciting information in an email to her friends and representatives.

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

God willing, someone will ask Bill Clinton, nay, both Clintons, to help this poor starlet with her image problems. Currently Bill Clinton is raising money to help tsumani victims and doing other meaningless crap. Finally he can bring some purpose to his life. Lohan continued:

"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."

Invoking what she puzzlingly calls the "way of the future-Howard Hughes," her desire is to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press."

Lohan says she wants to state her opinions on "how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

I could not agree more. I am nearly forty, almost dead, as the young folks would say. Without Lohan I would just be an empty shell, dead inside. She has an impact on my daily life that allows me to live.

web address: http://suicidegirls.com/news/politics/19512/Nation-Relieved--Al-Gore-Will-Save-Lindsay-Lohan/