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  • THURSDAY DECEMBER 7 2006 5:00 PM

Nation Relieved: Al Gore Will Save Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan had a secret and productive meeting with Al Gore. An insider revealed that, during this meeting, Gore agreed to help Lohan with her image problems. The “insider” is Lohan herself and she released the exciting information in an email to her friends and representatives.


"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."


God willing, someone will ask Bill Clinton, nay, both Clintons, to help this poor starlet with her image problems. Currently Bill Clinton is raising money to help tsumani victims and doing other meaningless crap. Finally he can bring some purpose to his life. Lohan continued:


"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."

Invoking what she puzzlingly calls the "way of the future-Howard Hughes," her desire is to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press."

Lohan says she wants to state her opinions on "how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."


I could not agree more. I am nearly forty, almost dead, as the young folks would say. Without Lohan I would just be an empty shell, dead inside. She has an impact on my daily life that allows me to live.

 

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Comments
FireBrand

FireBrand

South River, NJ
December 2004

DEC 07, 2006 10:35 PM

12:7
the letters of Lindsy to her congrigation

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

now let us open our hymnals...

Trevallion

Trevallion

Murfreesboro, TN
February 2004

DEC 08, 2006 02:58 AM

Does this sound like a teen movie to anyone else?

AceT

AceT

Portland, OR
April 2004

DEC 08, 2006 03:11 AM

Lindsay Lohan: single handedly trying to make redheads the new blondes

BruisedPassion

BruisedPassion

Tucson, AZ
September 2006

DEC 08, 2006 04:16 AM

Some body give that girl a twinky,,, with some gravy on it.

kaosmaker666

kaosmaker666

Batesville, AR
April 2006

DEC 08, 2006 04:31 AM

Your right......who cares?

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

DEC 08, 2006 06:39 AM

Obama/Lohan 2008!

formerviking

formerviking

Denver, PA
May 2006

DEC 08, 2006 06:57 AM

This is all well & good , but who's going to save us from her ?

craftygrrl

craftygrrl

Bellingham, WA
July 2006

DEC 08, 2006 07:58 AM

I'll keep my reaction short and sweet: puke

mrnonel

mrnonel

Los Angeles, CA
August 2004

DEC 08, 2006 09:29 AM

Al Gore will be taking on a greater challenge than trying to solve the global warming crisis.

MoLi

MoLi

New Zealand
March 2006

DEC 08, 2006 09:45 AM

So let me see if I've got this whole Lohan thing right. There is this 20 year old girl from a totally dysfunctional family. Someone gave her a whole shitload of money and no boundaries and now we're all supposed to be morally outraged beacause she spends a large part of that money on going boozing. What the hell did they think was going to happen???
Lets not give the poor girl such a hard time about writing inane statements. Its not like she's an aspiring professor of sociology. She's just some kid with a highschool diploma who's done a few disney movies wink

RileyStClair

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA
September 2006

DEC 08, 2006 09:57 AM

speak for yourself. i could care less about her various chemical addictions. it's her inability to construct a coherent sentence that troubles me. that and her habit of forgetting to wear the appropriate undergarments in public.

i've heard a broken home can make a person crazy, but i'm pretty sure it can't also make them stupid.

pmonkeyEsquire

pmonkeyEsquire

I'm lost
May 2004

DEC 08, 2006 10:19 AM

i want to count teh freckles on her boobs...with my toungue.

pmonkeyEsquire

pmonkeyEsquire

I'm lost
May 2004

DEC 08, 2006 10:29 AM

Did i spell 'boobs" wrong?

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

DEC 11, 2006 08:07 PM

AceT said:
Lindsay Lohan: single handedly trying to make redheads the new blondes



Seriously, fuck that girl. mad

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