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Nation Relieved: Al Gore Will Save Lindsay Lohan

THURSDAY DECEMBER 7 2006 5:00 PM

Submitted by FearTheReaper. Edited By erin_broadley.

TAGS: Lindsay Lohan, Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton

Lindsay Lohan had a secret and productive meeting with Al Gore. An insider revealed that, during this meeting, Gore agreed to help Lohan with her image problems. The “insider” is Lohan herself and she released the exciting information in an email to her friends and representatives.

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

God willing, someone will ask Bill Clinton, nay, both Clintons, to help this poor starlet with her image problems. Currently Bill Clinton is raising money to help tsumani victims and doing other meaningless crap. Finally he can bring some purpose to his life. Lohan continued:

"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."

Invoking what she puzzlingly calls the "way of the future-Howard Hughes," her desire is to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press."

Lohan says she wants to state her opinions on "how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

I could not agree more. I am nearly forty, almost dead, as the young folks would say. Without Lohan I would just be an empty shell, dead inside. She has an impact on my daily life that allows me to live.

29 Comments

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Vestril

Coronado, CA

February 2003

DEC 07, 2006 05:12 PM

Huh?

Also, FTR, you're nearly 40? Man, I didn't know--condolences, it'll be really sad when you die in a few months.

photoline

Edmonton, AB

January 2005

DEC 07, 2006 05:34 PM

How about a Vulcan mind meld?

Targeted

Willsboro, NY

June 2006

DEC 07, 2006 05:41 PM

For once, FTR, I actually agree with you. Funny stuff

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA

December 2003

DEC 07, 2006 05:44 PM

photoline said:
How about a Vulcan mind meld?

No thanks, I'm driving.

Oh, and Lindsay should thank God she looks very fuckable on occasion, because people are quick to excuse the abjectly ridiculous antics of the very fuckable.

dithersart

Dallas, TX

December 2006

DEC 07, 2006 05:45 PM

Well I guess she figured if anyone could cover up all her bullshit and crap in her life and sell it back to the American people it would be our political leaders. ( or former leaders if you want to get all technical jeez! )

ApostropheNow

Skull Valley, AZ

April 2004

DEC 07, 2006 05:45 PM

Her insanity kind of turns me on, I never thought much of her 'til now.

Dark_Templar

Auburn, CA

June 2004

DEC 07, 2006 05:58 PM

Well after she blows Bill, she can be Hilary's PR rep.........

And hopefully melt Hilary's icy bitch image with one of a coke whore!

Dead_Ringer

I'm lost

September 2004

DEC 07, 2006 05:58 PM

ApostropheNow said:
Her insanity kind of turns me on, I never thought much of her 'til now.

Strangely enough, I just had the same epiphany.

2greyhills

Charlotte, NC

August 2006

DEC 07, 2006 06:11 PM

well that's it, he's definitly not running again.

ya know her ramblings remind me of when you talk w/ people stoned out of their gourds. they get that perceived sense of super intelligence. i guess that really isn't a surprise tho, it is hohan.