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Canadian Troops Battle Stoner Warfare

MONDAY NOVEMBER 13 2006 12:00 AM

Submitted by scarekrow. Edited By FearTheReaper.

TAGS: Canada, Troops, War, Afghanistan, Marijuana

The war-torn battlefields of yesteryear are long since forgotten in the ever-progressing evolution in modern warfare. The news brings tales of modern super-weapons, soldier tactics, and the ever-popular WMDs.

Canadian troops, however, are battling a haze of war that has yet to be encountered. In Afghanistan, the Canadian troops are fighting Taliban militants through a forest of 10-foot tall marijuana plants. As a preview of the many Canadian jokes to come, the army has retaliated by attacking with at least one armored car... camouflaged with marijuana plants in hopes of breaking through the Taliban's creative cover.

Now comes the bigger question: What's the obvious method of combating this cover? Yes. Burn Them. Chief of the Canadian Defense Staff, Rick Hillier had this to comment:

We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them,"

Not all hope was lost. A select few of the dry, brown plants along the edges of the forests did successfully incinerate, but a select few of the soldiers that happened to be in the smoke's path reported 'ill effects".

"Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I'd say 'That damn marijuana'."

27 Comments

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schizoaffective

Wailuku, HI

November 2005

NOV 13, 2006 12:06 AM

haha. no really.....

ninjatoes

Newport, KY

August 2005

NOV 13, 2006 12:07 AM

Stop. You had me at 10-ft marijuana plants...

XMaCaBrEX

Olean, NY

June 2006

NOV 13, 2006 12:47 AM

haha what a great defensive wall....possibly the US will build one

Tacevil

Bellingham, WA

November 2004

NOV 13, 2006 01:38 AM

War is Hell !Those poor soldiers, I hope they don't move on to crack.

quagmirething

I'm lost

June 2005

NOV 13, 2006 03:00 AM

It's for situations just like this that I've been advocating a hippy captive breeding program. Just release a few dozen of the furry little creatures and watch them scamper to work.

freedomisntfree

Medway, MA

August 2006

NOV 13, 2006 03:56 AM

man the canadian army gets all the good assingments

brett54

Australia

November 2004

NOV 13, 2006 04:31 AM

Doesn't the American company "Target" supply the Canuks with their military garb?

Unfortunately most of the wild growing plants are male.

JohnEsmokE

West Hollywood, CA

October 2005

NOV 13, 2006 05:31 AM

scarekrow said:
Chief of the Canadian Defense Staff said:

"We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them,"

i've got a few packs of Zig Zags and i'm ready to do my part to help the war effort!

MetaTag

United Kingdom

September 2002

NOV 13, 2006 06:13 AM

Napalm is rubbish. Let loose some rabbits, they love green stuff.

MisterLinguist

Birmingham, AL

October 2005

NOV 13, 2006 07:15 AM

MetaTag said:
Napalm is rubbish. Let loose some rabbits, they love green stuff.

And Boll Weevils.

apparently_so

Vancouver, BC

September 2006

NOV 13, 2006 09:27 AM

Heh, yeah, saw this story a couple of weeks ago, and it started my brother musing about enlistment...

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX

May 2006

NOV 13, 2006 09:35 AM

quagmirething said:
It's for situations just like this that I've been advocating a hippy captive breeding program. Just release a few dozen of the furry little creatures and watch them scamper to work.

hehe.

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA

March 2004

NOV 13, 2006 10:16 AM

they say that marijuana is a gateway drug. i didn't think that anybody't take it literally enough to actually use as a fence!

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX

May 2006

NOV 13, 2006 10:18 AM

New border policy for the states:

Take confiscated weed a few miles into our border. Set it on fire. Leave Doritos. When everyone is stoned and munching the Doritos, too high to run, pick them up and deport them.

I'm a fucking genius.

Andvari

Calgary, AB

April 2005

NOV 13, 2006 10:20 AM

DancehallDreamer said:
New border policy for the states:

Take confiscated weed a few miles into our border. Set it on fire. Leave Doritos. When everyone is stoned and munching the Doritos, too high to run, pick them up and deport them.

I'm a fucking genius.

Are Doritos made by Haliburton?

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