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  • FRIDAY JUNE 30 2006 9:00 AM

Republicans Play The Douche Bag Card

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by FearTheReaper

Tags: Republicans, House of Representatives, “American, Values, Agenda”, House Judiciary Committee, Democrats

Two days ago the House Republicans unveiled a litany of shit they referred to as “legislative items” which they plan on bringing before Congress in hopes of energizing the GOP base. In a glaring example of their repetitive and limited creativity they called the package of ten items the “American Values Agenda.”

The first item on the agenda got slapped down Wednesday when Republicans failed to protect the words "Under God" in the pledge of allegiance in a House Judiciary Committee vote. The Republicans have a six-person advantage on the Committee but seven skipped the vote and fourteen Democrats opposed, resulting in a 15-15 tie.

Hopefully the rest of the agenda gets the same treatment. Here's the full load of crap, for your reading pleasure:

Pledge Protection Act (HR 2389) Summary: Protects the Pledge of Allegiance from attacks by activist federal judges seeking to rule it unconstitutional.

Freedom to Display the American Flag Act (HR 42) Summary: Ensures an individual has the right to display the U.S. flag on residential property.

The Public Expression of Religion Act (HR 2679) Summary: Ensures local officials and communities do not face financial ruin to defend their rights to free speech under the Constitution (provides that when state or local officials are sued over public expressions of religion, no monetary damages, costs, or attorney's fees may be awarded).

Marriage Amendment (HJRes 88) Summary: Constitutional amendment declaring marriage to be between a man and a woman

Unborn Child Pain Awareness Act (HR 356) Summary: Requires that those performing late-term abortions inform the woman seeking an abortion of the medical evidence that the unborn child feels pain, and ensure that if she chooses to continue with the abortion procedure, she has the option of choosing anesthesia for the child, so that the unborn child's pain is less severe.

Human Cloning Prohibition Act (HR 1357) Summary: Bans human cloning and the importation of products derived from a cloned human embryo (e.g. stem cells).

BATFE Reform (HR 5092) Summary: Reforms the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms & Explosives (BATFE) to protect citizens' rights.

Internet Gambling Prohibition: Summary: Addresses the issue of illegal internet gambling by making gambling laws apply equally to the internet.

Permanent Tax Relief for Families Summary: Likely series of votes on the child tax credit, marriage penalty relief, tax incentives for adoption, and other priorities for American citizens.

Disaster Recovery Personal Protection Act (HR 5013) Summary: Prohibits governments from using federal funds to confiscate guns from law-abiding citizens during emergencies.


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turin

turin

Denver, CO
October 2003

JUN 30, 2006 09:22 AM

oh gross, now I need a shower.

PatrickY

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA
December 2003

JUN 30, 2006 09:28 AM

FearTheReaper said:

Hopefully the rest of the agenda gets the same treatment. Here's the full load of crap, for your reading pleasure:

Freedom to Display the American Flag Act (HR 42) Summary: Ensures an individual has the right to display the U.S. flag on residential property.



Oh, for fuck's sake. The rest of the list is full of bullshit, meaningless crap, but these two just seem especially, blatantly pandering.

"Freedom to Display the American Flag Act"? O_o

You have got to be fucking kidding me. I know that in an election year, parties start to pull voter-pandering shit out of their collective ass... but the Republicans must have greased up to the shoulder to swamp this out.


PatrickY

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA
December 2003

JUN 30, 2006 09:29 AM

First double post I've had here. This calls for a parade.

Or something.

Maybe a "Freedom to Double Post Initiative."

llama

llama

Rosedale, MD
December 2004

JUN 30, 2006 09:40 AM

Sorry, but it's not just republicans, all politicians are full of shit. Why the hell are they being paid a salary to come up with this shit? I'M STILL PAYING 3-TIMES THE PRICE FOR GAS I WAS PAYING 2 YEARS AGO AND NOW MY FUCKING ELECTRIC BILL JUST DOUBLED!

Vote out ALL incumbants, send a serious message to the next wave of assholes looking to make a living off the public.

Oh and to the Europeans that think Americans are just whining about prices for gas that the Euros have been paying : WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DROVE 3,000 MILES AND WERE STILL IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY?

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

JUN 30, 2006 09:47 AM

The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.

PatrickY

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA
December 2003

JUN 30, 2006 09:57 AM

Necia said:
The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.



Oh, pish.

If you don't acknowledge that the greatest danger to freedom is the "activist judge", then you're a godless, liberal hippy. And everyone knows godless, liberal hippies are too sissy to ever actually hurt anyone.

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

JUN 30, 2006 10:04 AM

PatrickY said:

Necia said:
The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.



Oh, pish.

If you don't acknowledge that the greatest danger to freedom is the "activist judge", then you're a godless, liberal hippy. And everyone knows godless, liberal hippies are too sissy to ever actually hurt anyone.



A-HEM. I'm a godless liberal hipster.

Big difference. BIG.

PatrickY

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA
December 2003

JUN 30, 2006 10:15 AM

Subrosa said:

PatrickY said:

Necia said:
The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.



Oh, pish.

If you don't acknowledge that the greatest danger to freedom is the "activist judge", then you're a godless, liberal hippy. And everyone knows godless, liberal hippies are too sissy to ever actually hurt anyone.



A-HEM. I'm a godless liberal hipster.

Big difference. BIG.



What-EVER.

Stand downwind, commie, while you avoid having a job. You reek of patchouli, and faithlessness.

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

JUN 30, 2006 10:15 AM

Subrosa said:

PatrickY said:

Necia said:
The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.



Oh, pish.

If you don't acknowledge that the greatest danger to freedom is the "activist judge", then you're a godless, liberal hippy. And everyone knows godless, liberal hippies are too sissy to ever actually hurt anyone.



A-HEM. I'm a godless liberal hipster.

Big difference. BIG.



Indeed. Hippies chant and sway, and smoke pot.

Hipsters, on the other hand, do things like . . . scoff.

Violently.

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

JUN 30, 2006 10:19 AM

PatrickY said:

Necia said:
The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.



Oh, pish.

If you don't acknowledge that the greatest danger to freedom is the "activist judge", then you're a godless, liberal hippy. And everyone knows godless, liberal hippies are too sissy to ever actually hurt anyone.



Pish nothing! Godlessness and hippiosity aside, I hate dumbshit politicians who run around ranting about the Court when they clearly don't have the knowledge that some dumb kid taking Intro to American Government does, because they don't know the first thing about the Court or constitutional politics. Same thing with "strict constructionist"--none of these politicians even know what that actually means.

And I'm not a godless liberal hippy. I'm a "free-floating-otherwise-unspecifiedly-spiritual-maybe-I'm-not-really-sure" liberal hippy. Get it right.

turin

turin

Denver, CO
October 2003

JUN 30, 2006 10:37 AM

Necia said:

PatrickY said:

Necia said:
The phrase "activist judges" never fails to trigger a desire to put my fist through someone's head.



Oh, pish.

If you don't acknowledge that the greatest danger to freedom is the "activist judge", then you're a godless, liberal hippy. And everyone knows godless, liberal hippies are too sissy to ever actually hurt anyone.



Pish nothing! Godlessness and hippiosity aside, I hate dumbshit politicians who run around ranting about the Court when they clearly don't have the knowledge that some dumb kid taking Intro to American Government does, because they don't know the first thing about the Court or constitutional politics. Same thing with "strict constructionist"--none of these politicians even know what that actually means.

And I'm not a godless liberal hippy. I'm a "free-floating-otherwise-unspecifiedly-spiritual-maybe-I'm-not-really-sure" liberal hippy. Get it right.



it's not that they don't know, it's that they don't care.

projectnova

projectnova

San Francisco, CA
July 2002

JUN 30, 2006 10:45 AM

has the flag thing really been a problem? i mean... everyone who wants to display on does so anyway, right?

i disagree with a majority of the GOP's standpoints... but it seems silly to even bring this up...

seanvegas

seanvegas

Lincoln, NE
December 2004

JUN 30, 2006 11:01 AM

What about border control, the energy crisis, rebuilding New Orleans and improving education? Where does all that fall on the agenda?

BrennanLizzie

BrennanLizzie

Belleville, IL
June 2006

JUN 30, 2006 11:16 AM

Apparently you're not undertanding the way this all works... see, if we can just go back to our conservative, blindly nationalist roots, then all of the other little stuff... like violent crime rates, our appalling education system, the national healthcare (or lack thereof) crisis, our failing economy... those all just fall neatly into place on their own... so long as everyone has flags in their yard and gay people don't get married.
Seriously, fuck a Republican. I mean, fuck a Democrat, too... but at this moment in time, first and foremost, fuck a Republican.

FreakPirate

FreakPirate

Canada
November 2002

JUN 30, 2006 11:21 AM

BrennanLizzie said:

Seriously, fuck a Republican. I mean, fuck a Democrat, too... but at this moment in time, first and foremost, fuck a Republican.



No. Please stop fucking Republicans. They tend to be breeders.

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